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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think actually yes this is an affair

35 replies

CLAbooyaka · 05/02/2023 13:33

NC just incase..

Two people who are already in relationships have been meeting for sex. The woman of the two is the one that I know personally.

When talking about it she's of the opinion that it's not an 'affair' per se as it's just about sex and nothing more, any intimacy is reserved for the bedroom and they're not in constant contact and neither of them have caught feelings for one another.

AIBU to think of course it's a bloody affair.. is it not?!

What's your definition of an affair?

OP posts:
Eleganz · 05/02/2023 15:14

Amazing that some people think it isn't an affair really. Any form of infidelity that is repeated with the same person more than once is an affair.

OP, maybe you should ask your friend's partner (the one she is actually in a relationship with) whether they think what your friend is doing is an affair or not.

Neveragain85 · 05/02/2023 15:17

Maybe her AP has phrased it that way to make it acceptable to her? Of course it's an affair, innocent people are unaware & takes away their right of informed sexual consent. It's not fair on them

Original poster
CLAbooyaka · 05/02/2023 15:18

Eleganz · 05/02/2023 15:14

Amazing that some people think it isn't an affair really. Any form of infidelity that is repeated with the same person more than once is an affair.

OP, maybe you should ask your friend's partner (the one she is actually in a relationship with) whether they think what your friend is doing is an affair or not.

I couldn't do that, they have children and I'm not about to implode their lives when as PP pointed out it isn't really any of my business.

I'm entitled to my opinion ofc and I have told her what I think but I wouldn't end a friendship over it.

OP posts:
Original poster
CLAbooyaka · 05/02/2023 15:21

Neveragain85 · 05/02/2023 15:17

Maybe her AP has phrased it that way to make it acceptable to her? Of course it's an affair, innocent people are unaware & takes away their right of informed sexual consent. It's not fair on them

I think there might be something in this.

She has always worn her heart on her sleeve, all of this "cool girl NSA" isn't her style at all. I actually suspect she does have feelings already and is downplaying that to make the whole thing seem casual.

OP posts:
SweetSakura · 05/02/2023 15:21

It's just semantics really. Either way it's cheating and involves lying to their spouses (whether by omission or otherwise) and potentially putting spouses at risk of STDS

BadNomad · 05/02/2023 16:05

Amazing that some people think it isn't an affair really. Any form of infidelity that is repeated with the same person more than once is an affair.

That isn't true. It is not the frequency of sex that determines a relationship. Plenty of people have casual sex with the same person. It doesn't make them boyfriend and girlfriend. Plenty of men have a favourite prostitute. It doesn't mean they're having an affair. An affair is more than just sex.

BellaJuno · 05/02/2023 16:14

It doesn’t really matter what she labels it, to the vast majority of people it’d be called an affair. Wonder what their poor partners would call it?!

Justalittlebitduckling · 05/02/2023 16:27

It’s certainly infidelity.

Original poster
CLAbooyaka · 05/02/2023 17:05

Hopefully it fizzles out quickly, whatever it is.

It isn't worth destabilising life for the children.

OP posts:
CambsAlways · 22/03/2023 16:55

It’s cheating yep

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