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Original poster

Letting partners listen to calls on loudspeaker.

49 replies

Abba123 · 05/02/2023 11:33

If I phoned up someone and they said to me,

“Hang on, partner is here so I’ll put you on loudspeaker” - I would hang up.

If my partner said to me,
“Oh put it on loudspeaker so I can hear too” - I’d tell him to get a life.

However, I’m becoming increasingly aware of people doing it without even telling me.

My sister, my brother, one of the mums at school.

I’m not talking about a three way conversation or when necessary like driving. I talking the default being to let a third or fourth etc person listen to your phone call without disclosing.

I only tend to find out when I mention the third person and they are prompted to answer me themselves as if I’m not going to be bothered by the realisation… wtf.

Just why!?!?!?

Am I the only one that finds this ultra codependent, controlling and just plain weird???

OP posts:
MrsBunnyEars · 05/02/2023 11:35

It’s not necessary for all calls, but hang in up and calling it ‘co dependant and controlling’ is a silly overreaction.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 05/02/2023 11:39

MrsBunnyEars · 05/02/2023 11:35

It’s not necessary for all calls, but hang in up and calling it ‘co dependant and controlling’ is a silly overreaction.

Surely it's not necessary for any calls unless it's a way conversation (which OP says these aren't) or if perhaps the person who puts you n speakerphone has a hearing impairment or some other reason why someone else might need to help convey/ translate what's being said. But in those cases the it would be known that speakerphone is needed.

Herewegoagainandagainandagain · 05/02/2023 11:58

Never personally experienced this, but agree it is rude to have someone listening into a conversation without telling the other person.

Applesandcarrots · 05/02/2023 12:02

It's like fb shared profiles on steroids.

No way would I tolerate that. Especially withput warning.
This will be the same people who take partners to women's/men's nights out without warning

Hawkins002 · 05/02/2023 12:04

Personally I'd prefer software to record calls etc.

DilemmaADay · 05/02/2023 12:05

I'm with you OP, there's something a bit creepy and controlling about it. If they're upfront about it from the start and say "James is here too, I've got you on loudspeaker", I wouldn't mind. But the idea with having someone's partner who I don't necessarily know that well, listening to what I assume would be a two-way private conversation is really off.

Howdoesitworkagain · 05/02/2023 12:11

It seems strange to me that you’ve come across this so much. I don’t know anyone who furtively has someone else listening in. If there was benefit in someone else joining in, everyone I know is very up front about it.

Is there a reason why lots of people would surreptitiously want someone to witness a conversation with you? Not excusing it, but like I said it’s not something I’ve come across at all, let alone as frequently as you’ve said.

Changingplace · 05/02/2023 12:20

I think codependent and controlling is a massive overreaction, but I’d prefer to know if I was on loud speaker - I tend to put calls at home on speaker because it’s easier than holding the phone to my ear.

Eateatanddrink · 05/02/2023 12:35

My mother in law does this with her partner. It’s annoying. He has got to listen to every conversation. We have witnessed arguments over this with them then mil wants a quiet conversation with her sister. It’s controlling if you ask me.

billy1966 · 05/02/2023 12:37

Rude and weird would be my reactand I wouldn't dream of telling them ANYTHING.

They have very poor boundaries butI haven't come across this.

I would call it very rude and sneaky.

Mind you you could mess with them by saying something you know they wouldn't like their partner to hear for the laugh!

MoreSleepPleasee · 05/02/2023 12:39

I agree ots really weird. My ex would always put the phone on loudspeaker for some reason, I found it annoying as I wasn't in the conversation but he always said to the person... you're on loudspeaker and the gfs here so please do not swear 🙄

MoreSleepPleasee · 05/02/2023 12:40

And yes I told him I didn't want to listen to his boring convos and to go to another room if he must have it on loudspeaker.

dinochum · 05/02/2023 12:42

Erm....
I say "you're on the car speaker and I have xxxxx with me/little ears in the back"

But that's about it.

Putting a call on loud speaker because your partner is there feels weird to me

WeWereInParis · 05/02/2023 12:44

Do you mean people do this when the conversation doesn't involve the third person? I've never come across this - why would people do this?

TheGuv1982 · 05/02/2023 12:46

My dads started putting calls in speaker so he can hear better, so every so often my mum will chip in with “no need to swear”

AntBully · 05/02/2023 13:07

My brother does this as his partner has to listen to everything that is said or she will throw a fit about it (she has said there should be no secrets between them)... As a family we no longer call him unless he is travelling to work or on a break.

EmpressaurusOfWitchesBackFromTheDead · 05/02/2023 13:10

More and more people are doing this on public transport. Which is both weird and annoying.

Keepyourmummysboys · 05/02/2023 13:13

Yes rude and weird, like how bored would the pair of them need to be to do this shit.

aSofaNearYou · 05/02/2023 13:29

My partner does this a lot, with me being the "third person". It's always just because of some practical reason - driving, hands too busy to hold the phone etc. I do tend to keep quiet because I have it in the back of my mind the other person might be uncomfortable if they knew I was listening but honestly I'm not really that bothered about what they're saying, it's just a practical thing.

purpledalmation · 05/02/2023 13:42

If it's family, it's just easier to put it on loudspeaker to avoid having to repeat what was said. It does depend on the circumstances

ThinkingOfAWittyUsername · 05/02/2023 13:51

I was caught out with this once as the phone was on loudspeaker but I didn't know and had chuntered about not wanting to do something with someone else, only to discover that they were there and listening! Awkward!

Lkydfju · 05/02/2023 13:51

How weird; I can’t think of a time I’d do that unless that person wanted to speak to the other person too. If I’m doing something I might put people on loud speaker but not when anyone else is there

billyt · 05/02/2023 13:55

I don't have any contact with my siblings anymore. but whenever I called my sister her partner insisted she had her phone on loudspeaker when anyone called her. He's a controlling prick anyway.

Also, he had a habit of swapping phones with her so you never knew who had what phone. Tosser.

toastofthetown · 05/02/2023 14:10

I know people who have their phone volume on so loud anyway that it might as well be on speakerphone even if it isn't. I wouldn't assume that a phone conversation is totally private without checking as even if your not on speakerphone (and their ear speaker isn't loud enough to be heard across the room) there's still not a huge amount of privacy in someone hearing one half of a two way conversation. I'd still let someone know they are on speakerphone though (or I would if I actually spoke to people on the phone).

bloodyplanes · 05/02/2023 18:57

Its weird op! I have a relative who literally puts every call on loudspeaker so his wife can hear, we avoid calling him unless absolutely necessary!