To give up a well paid career?

[PottingShred]

Due to finding it stressful and taking over my life?

I have worked for over 20 years in finance. I'm a single parent with two dc aged 12 and 8. I work fairly long hours (maybe 12 hours a day) and when not working I'm often stressing about issues at work. There's a lot of toxic workplace politics.

If there's a small mistake in my work ever (I am human!) it is visible to all, managing staff can be hard work and I feel stressed often.

I could take a pay cut and be fine, Id like to spend more time with dcs before they grow up. I've paid most of my mortgage (mid 40s) AIBU to leave a well paid job for something less stressful and lower paid? Any 'rewarding' job suggestions?

If you can afford it, not unreasonable at all. I would try first to find an equally paid but less stressful job though - less stress does not necessarily have to equal less money.

I used to work in finance, now I'm a university lecturer lecturing in maths / finance / statistics. I get paid a lot less, but it is shorter hours and much less stressful.

Before you jack it in, I would ask yourself - is it the industry that's your problem or just your employer? If it's the latter then could you move companies?

Life is too short and it sure was hell isn't all about money and jobs. Find something that makes you happy.

What kind of finance do you do? I work in the head office of a retailer, we have lots.of different finance people who are expected to stay late occasionally but 12 hour days are definitely not the norm.

wouldn't be a 6 figure salary but depending on level £30/40k plus easy

No suggestions, but just wanted to say that I was going to bed/waking up in the night/waking up in the morning worrying about work, so I went PT and stopped caring so much. I now arrive on time, leave on time, and do what I’m paid to do. So much better.

As you’re mid-40s even if you don’t realise it you’re starting to be hit by the drop in hormones that comes with menopause. I’d think about whether that is affecting you and whether you need to improve your diet etc. Your pension contributions now will help your old age and single women are those in the worst place financially after retirement. It isn’t going to be easy to deal with teens with a full on job but your children are only going to get more expensive.

There are many jobs in finance… find another (better) one! I’ve switched jobs to have a less stressful experience at work and it takes effort but they are out there. I’m currently in an invisible back-office finance role with a great boss who takes all the flack. I work hard but it’s not crazy.

If politics is a problem, be wary of charities (where you often just get paid worse).

if you want to spend more time with your kids, that is where you get the reward.

Meanwhile practice imposing your boundaries at work - tell your boss that due to the stress your MH is suffering and from now on you will only work overtime at key points of the month or year. The other days work to rule.

or even better, practice imposing your boundaries by making a formal application for flexible working eg 4 days a week. Then absolutely 100% police your new hours. You don’t ask, you don’t get. Make them justify why you cannot be granted flexible working. Remember the answer “it is inconvenient” isn’t adequate.

I agree with this. I work in a completely different field, but looking back on my career now I’d say my earlier jobs were far busier/more stressful than my current one, despite me being far more senior now and earning more than triple what I did when I started out. Well paying, non-stressful jobs are out there, so don’t undersell yourself, or immediately assume you have to lose money in order to achieve more balance.

Mumsnet is full of work to live not live to work fans so I'm sure you will get lots of validation for giving up.

I've always felt that if I'm going to work I want to do it for the most money possible. It's still not fun getting up and going somewhere and my time not being my own and having to fit in family stuff around work.

Have you considered going part time?

I'm in a similar boat to you except nit single parent. I work 4 days and although I often have to do more than 4 days of hours and I'm giving up a massive chunk of salary I find the extra space in my life to do domestic stuff, self care and take a long weekend makes it worth it.

I also like to earn not for stuff now like a bugger house, flash car or fancy holidays but to feather mine and my dcs nest later. So I think about retirement and helping dc on the housing ladder and so they have money not to struggle with school trips or educational opportunities.

My other advice is to make an effort to really clear your mind of work worries. Are there similarly paid jobs that don't require as much stress? Different area of finance.

What would you consider rewarding?

It sounds like a very good plan to me.

Working 12 hour days and toxic politics are not something that has to come along with working in finance. Sounds stressful for anyone.

Have you tried looking at similar roles in other organisations first?

Also what sector do you work in? Could you move to finance work in a different sector, perhaps charity/ third sector? - They often have nicer environments and more flexible working policies although might be slightly lower paid.

It could just be your workplace that's the problem rather than the job you do! - If you like your actual work, you might not need a whole career change.

If you can afford it then definitely, but do consider longer term financially with pension etc. if it’s the workplace can you look for similar elsewhere? Or finance in a different sector-like charity or university. Although don’t assume those are stress free, I’ve worked in charity and currently university and generally like it

It sounds as though you may be suffering with stress, or at least you are working too much and in danger of burnout. I would recommend getting your doctor to sign you off with stress for 3 months. Rest for 2 weeks and then start looking for a new job.

Finding a coach or counsellor to talk to about how you are feeling so that you have support. It would be useful to discuss the factors that led to you working 12 hours and any self talk going on inside you that may be helping or hindering you. Also how you are coping with the changes you are making, what you want in a new role and how you will avoid being in the same position in a new job.

In a new role be clear you can't work overtime due to family commitments or whatever, and stick to this.

Oh and definitely look at HRT! Life saver

Perhaps it's not a case of all or nothing. You may be able to find a job with not til big a paycut.
But yes, your happiness and wellbeing do matter.

Priorities.

Health - not worth risking your health by being stressed out all the time. Happiness - You only go around once so you might as well enjoy yourself.

You'll be surprised how people adjust to having less money.

Finance in the civil service? WFH 2/3 days a week? Grade 7 pays 55k and usually have a good work/life balance.

You’ve done so well to pay off most of your mortgage, op, in your mid-40s.

it is very tough combining a full-on career with kids the ages yours are. And you are right at the peak now, with them still needing a lot of input and looking after, while you have done 20 years in thr job and are exhausted from that plus approaching menopause.

but (single parent here) I would say think carefully. Maybe thr first place to start is a full financial overview with an IFA, or just by yourself, to see what exactly the position is, and how much you can afford to drop the income to, without jeapordising retirement, quality of life, uni fees etc.

at thr same time, see if there’s any way you can reduce stress in current work environment, or look for a similarly paid job but less stress in thr same industry, before deciding to make the jump.

fwiw I powered through and am very glad and relieved I did.kids are now 14 and 16 and mostly independent, on a practical level at least. We still have the income, which is a massive stress reducer in itself. I went through your dilemma lots of times, but the right choice for me was to stick at it, and it’s worked out.

But you need to make the right choice for you - just be sure it’s with a clear head and full oversight of thr implications.

There is an assumption that worse paid jobs are less stressful and I don’t think that’s necessarily true. Responsibility brings stress but it also tends to bring a degree of control and independence.

I would look at roles in different companies first. I’m also in finance and I worked at one company where the stress wasn’t the role itself but the culture, a really unhelpful holding structure, and a lack of proper management accounting systems that meant we were basically doing the group forecasts in excel.

I changed jobs into a similar level role and that was completely fine as none of those problems existed.

I dont think you need to give up your well paid career at all, but you need to get a new job for sure! I work in finance in a well paid career, work from home, put a lot of work in upfront to have streamlined so much that I have now found a great balance of not really working anything over my standard hours (unless the odd thing comes up), even taking odd days off each month due to the hours I had banked with the upfront work. Couldn't be happier. There's jobs out there like this with a great boss etc. You shouldn't ever be staying in such an unnecessary stressful role whilst working 12 hours a day.....whilst leaving your kids with no parent in their lives! There's a better life for you than that.

Thanks, lots of thoughts and ideas!

For pension, I have paid in a decent amount over the years so would be OK to have lower contributions now.

Yes I do feel burned out! I actually work in the charity sector. Oddly the lack of corporate structure seems to have allowed a toxic environment to grow.

I'll look for other jobs. I've calculated I could take a lower paid wfh role and be reasonably comfortable financially, whilst hopefully having a much better quality of life.

What kind of pay range would you be looking to step down to and are there any roles/industries you’ve had initial thoughts might be good?

I think finance in charity sector is tough because there’s usually insufficient investment in systems and processes ( because donors don’t want to fund “overheads” - whole other thread) which makes everything inefficient and unnecessarily painful. There’s also a mix among staff of those who are doing it for the love of the cause and those who are agnostic about it ( as is their right to be) and it can be difficult to manage as there can be an expectation that people should do overtime for the love of the cause.

@illiterato very true, so everything is more painful and inefficient due to unwillingness to invest in IT for example. Plus staff can be quite incompetent but it isn't dealt with. Staff turnover is high in this type of environment.