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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To choose job over career?

38 replies

orangeyellowred · 05/02/2023 06:38

I work in a cafe, 1 week day and every Sunday - meaning I don't have to pay childcare as DH works from home one day and doesn't work weekends. It means I only get 1 weekend day with my school age DS though.
I've been approached by someone from my career before I had my kids (dentistry) offering me 2 days a week. It's a foot in the door back to my career but I'm unsure.

It's 2 week days meaning I would have to pay 1 day childcare.
In April with the minimum pay rise it'll only be 10p more than what I would be on at the cafe.
The cafe is flexible, I can text at last minute and say the kids are unwell etc and can't make it and they are fine, that wouldn't work with new job as it would mean the surgery wouldn't be able to run unless they had cover.
But of course where I am now is" just a job" with no progression.
The new job would mean I got weekends back.

AIBU to turn the offer of the job down? I don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
GaspingGekko · 05/02/2023 06:42

If you can at all make the career job work I would do. Your kids aren't going to need childcare forever.
I took a career break and never managed to get back into my profession, I'm now facing having to retrain to get into a lower paid job than I had.

Margo34 · 05/02/2023 06:44

Keep your foot in the career door!

Luredbyapomegranate · 05/02/2023 06:55

If you can go back to Dentistry (you were a dental nurse??) then do. It will give you a full weekend with your family, and means you have a decent job you can ramp up as they get older. They won’t need daytime childcare for ever.

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/02/2023 06:56

Play the long game here. The cafe is great as a fill in but there will be no progression or opportunity to make more money. Your kids won’t always need childcare.

The career will take you out of your comfort zone but it’s a chance for some financial independence. I would be very reluctant to turn that down.

3LittleFishes · 05/02/2023 07:32

Long game all the way with this one.
Get your foot back in the door, you don't pay childcare indefinitely!
Otherwise when you no longer need childcare things will have move on (will your skills be up to date?) and it will be harder to find something.

Lcb123 · 05/02/2023 07:36

I’d definitely go for the career option- your kids will grow up and it’s so important to be able to support yourself if you had to

ZenNudist · 05/02/2023 07:37

Career. Giving up the flexibility is worth it for free weekends anyway and childcare costs will reduce and hours can increase when dc are at school.

SaltnPeppaPig · 05/02/2023 07:38

What do you actually enjoy doing more?

I'd hate to give up a weekend day. Surely childcare is minimal if your child is in school?

Hobbitfeet32 · 05/02/2023 07:40

I’m confused about what childcare you would need. How old are your children? If schoolage surely it would be just wraparound?
Also you keep referring to the costs as being your costs. Childcare is a joint cost between you and your husband. I would choose the career job

Shouldbesleeping8 · 05/02/2023 07:55

Career, career, career. Pay for the childcare. Don't worry about earning vs childcare costs, think of it as a long term thing, progression, independence, confidence building, pensions etc.
The amount of clever and capable mums in deadend jobs scraping by just so they can do the odd pick up in my town is depressing.

PaniniHead · 05/02/2023 07:58

Career.
Would they allow you to do the hours over 3 days? So one full day (like the cafe) but split the second day over two. If it works out within school hours like that then you won’t need childcare

Everydayitsgettingcloser · 05/02/2023 08:02

Hobbitfeet32 · 05/02/2023 07:40

I’m confused about what childcare you would need. How old are your children? If schoolage surely it would be just wraparound?
Also you keep referring to the costs as being your costs. Childcare is a joint cost between you and your husband. I would choose the career job

I get the sense one child is school age and one isn't and the DH is just "WFH" while looking after them one day, so it would more expensive

GalaxyBlobs · 05/02/2023 08:04

Career. Don't get yourself stuck in a position you may not get out of. I work with so many parents, usually mums, who have careers they've never been able to get back into after kids

YerAWizardHarry01 · 05/02/2023 08:05

Ultimately I'd go for what will make you happier with a better quality of life. But what age are your children? Do you use tax free childcare? Are they on the verge of getting the funded hours at 3?

ProfYaffle · 05/02/2023 08:06

Career. I made a similarish choice almost 6 years ago and I'm so glad I did. Kids get older, stop needing childcare and your salary increases as you take on more hours/responsibility etc. Mine are University/GCSE age now which is a really expensive stage and the money makes a massive difference.

rookiemere · 05/02/2023 08:07

Totally understand why a flexible job suits when DC are young.

However if you pass up the opportunity to go back to dentistry just now, will there be other opportunities? Also 2 days a week in a career is like the holy grail for part time work.

rookiemere · 05/02/2023 08:08

Something I don't understand from your OP, would the dentistry role genuinely only pay minimum wage ?

EmmaDilemma5 · 05/02/2023 08:09

Do what you WANT and are able to afford to do.

Beyond being a good person and being responsible, there are no right and wrong ways to live this life we get. You can have a full career with good earning potential and spend all of your salary on your mortgage and other material items.

Or you can earn less and spend less.

Your job and your financial position doesn't define you. It does define your 'success in life'. True success is finding happiness.

If you'd like to go back to your career, but childcare is the sticking point, then I would go back as the preschool years fly by.

Oysterbabe · 05/02/2023 08:13

I think you'd be silly to turn it down. The very early years are over in a flash.

ByeByeMr · 05/02/2023 08:29

I'm going to say go with your gut on this one. Are you happy working in the cafe? What do you really want? We don't all need to have a career. There's a lot to be said for being happy in a job that's flexible.

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/02/2023 08:41

@EmmaDilemma5

Your job and your financial position doesn't define you. It does define your 'success in life'. True success is finding happiness.

It’s not about being defined by your job. It’s about financial independence. A job with no prospect of progression or pay raises will not provide that. It’s very seductive to go for the “work/life balance” job when you have small children but it’s not a job that will grow with you.

It’s hugely important for a woman to be able to pay her own way should she need to. Life and marriage are uncertain and you need to protect yourself.

It’s very difficult to have “happiness” if you don’t control your financial situation and decisions.

Paturday · 05/02/2023 08:45

I’m always on the side of an easy life but in this case I would definitely vote for career. Much more comfortable life in the long run.

SamanthaCaine · 05/02/2023 08:50

There is no right or wrong answer, irrespective of the MN view to strive for financial independence.

Do what makes you happiest and least stressed. Dentistry is in trouble due to shortages of people. I don't see you going back being an issue for the foreseeable future. You've clearly been out of it for a while and are being offered a route back in. This will likely keep happening while the industry is desperate for resource.

WandaWonder · 05/02/2023 08:58

I took a straight 9-5 job that was just a job, very close to home

It was OK, a bit repetitive but it gave me the option of starting right on 9 and finishing exacrly at 5pm, I was happy with that

You can only do what works for you

LikeTearsInRain · 05/02/2023 09:15

In my experience wrap around childcare is less than a days pay.

Go back to your career. As your DC gets older you can up the days easily. There are better pay and pension prospects.