Family not acknowledging you

5 replies

Jennybeans401 · 05/02/2023 05:54

I have 3 dcs and my dh died last year, it's been a struggle but we are coping. I've been keen to keep up their hobbies and channel their interests.

Middle dc, my dd, has always been close to her cousin (like sisters) and when her cousin comes over they are inseparable. This seems reciprocal as they both enjoy each others company.

Dd started playing tennis at the same club last autumn. Her cousin plays there and had said how much dd will love it there, cousin is a bit older. My dd is 10 soon and adores her cousin.

I understand that my niece has her own friends and is entering that teenage phase where she wants to seem 'cool'. Since dd started playing at this club her cousin actively avoids her, doesn't speak to her, even say hello.

Dd gets very confused and upset by this as is so used to the close relationship and things being different in private. I've seen this myself and for months tried to not say anything to dsis about it. It happened recently where dd saw her cousin coming into the clubroom and waved, smiled at her. Niece saw her, blanked her then walked in the opposite direction. I saw this too (I'm used to being ignored by niece!!). This happens all the time.

Dd very upset by this last night, wwyd? Maybe try to distance the relationship? We've even considered leaving the club. Dd would be just happy with a "Hi, I'm busy but great to see you" from the cousin.

OP posts:

Coffeetree · 05/02/2023 07:02

Definitely not okay and Niece's needs some adult guidance here. I'd speak to Niece's parents and then have a kind but firm talk with Niece, letting her know that she doesn't have to look after your daughter full-time at the club, but she does need to acknowledge her and greet her!

Definitely don't withdraw from the club!

If you try that and the behaviour continues, then yes I'd stop hosting Niece for playdates, since that behaviour will be confusing for your daughter. Don't make it a big drama, just make other arrangements instead of having her.

Coffeetree · 05/02/2023 07:08

Hopefully once your dsis finds out she'll be mortified and address it.

Original poster

Jennybeans401 · 05/02/2023 07:10

Thanks, I will think about how to phrase it. I know dsis mentioned that she'd spoken to my niece about ignoring someone else, think it was an adult though (family friend). Dsis said that the friend talked to my niece who just blanked her and walked off.

OP posts:

THisbackwithavengeance · 05/02/2023 07:26

Why did you not walk up to your niece and said loudly "Hi DN, why are you ignoring us, did you not see us?"

Rude behaviour particularly from a child - for whatever reason - needs challenging.

Coffeetree · 05/02/2023 07:50

You seem really hesitant to just bring it up, what's that about? No need for a big confrontation with Dsis just, "DN totally blanked DD at the club and DD felt awful! I think DN was wrapped up with being cool. Do you want to say something to her or should I?"

Seems like there a bit of tiptoeing going on.

Full disclosure: as a 14-yo I did this to my younger sister at the pool and my dad told me off. Quite rightly!

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