Won’t let us put ear or eye drops in

Nothingissimpleever · 2023-02-04T21:34:47+00:00

Dd, four and a half, she wouldn’t let us put eye drops in when she had conjunctivitis, literally wouldn’t let us anywhere near her, we tried every technique going. She now has ear ache and won’t let us put them in, again, we’ve tried everything possible. Then today and yesterday, she’s been extra difficult with her hair, it’s curly and can get knotty, so I do it gently with a conditioner spray etc, but she still gets really upset and refuses to have her hair brushed. Is this *Typical behaviour for this age? Just finding every single thing a struggle with her 😫

InspectorPaws · 04/02/2023 21:36

DS is likely this about clipping his nails/toenails. I did it whilst he was asleep quite a few times and he slowly got more used to it, so then I could wake him and he’d let me carry on when he’s still sleepy and then he got used to it completely.

Cuppasoupmonster · 04/02/2023 21:36

Pin her down and forcibly do it. What other options do you have? Needs must and her physical health comes before anything else.

Cuppasoupmonster · 04/02/2023 21:36

*not the hair, but anything medicine-wise.

70sDuvet · 04/02/2023 21:49

The hair thing is possibly because it's near her ear which hurts and she doesn't trust that you aren't going to put drops in it.

I am a 3 chances and it goes my way person. DS has a lot of medical issues that NEED medication and things go downhill pretty quickly if he won't take it. Somethings he's gotten better about (blood tests/calpol) others he's still a nightmare.

So he gets 3 chances to take the medication on his own/the easy way. Or he gets wrapped in a towel (so he cant fight back) and the meds administered. As he's gotten bigger it does take 2 of us.

Is she needs the medicine sometimes you have to just be harsh and then have a nice cuddle after and explain why you had to do it that way - you want her to be well.

Original poster

Nothingissimpleever · 04/02/2023 21:52

@Cuppasoupmonster So hard to physically do it though? She’s a stubborn one and will become hysterical no doubt, don’t want to traumatise her. I remember when younger hating it but just having to do it if my mum said, she’s so strong

OP posts:

dustybluebell · 04/02/2023 21:54

My youngest son was the same. I used to have to do things like eye and ear drops when he was asleep/napping. He was very stubborn and still is.

Cuppasoupmonster · 04/02/2023 21:56

Nothingissimpleever · 04/02/2023 21:52

@Cuppasoupmonster So hard to physically do it though? She’s a stubborn one and will become hysterical no doubt, don’t want to traumatise her. I remember when younger hating it but just having to do it if my mum said, she’s so strong

You won’t ‘traumatise’ her. She will scream and hate every second of it, but then she won’t be too happy if she ends up hospitalised with a
nasty infection which requires even more drops and even a drip. Gently, you’re the parent, it’s not our job to appease our children all the time! It’s our job to care for them.

Swimswam · 04/02/2023 21:59

You won’t traumertise her. It would be not neglectful but as close as not to do it.
Explain the drops need to go in. That you will be gentle and quick and she will get x afterwards for being a good girl.
If she refuses then just quickly pin her and do it. Big cuddles afterwards and praise for being brave - even if she wasn’t! But the reward mentioned above is only for taking the medicine without a fight. Don’t say that before hand. But if she asks for the reward and she had to be pinned down you say you were a brave girl and next time if you let mummy give you the medicine you can have x reward.
She really won’t be traumatized. if it was an extended hospital stay with frequent invasive painful treatments like lumbar puncture, operations etc - yes possible.
Calm application of ear drops by loving parent giving a hug afterwards and maybe a nice story - highly unlikely

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 04/02/2023 22:00

Do the ear drops while she is sleeping at night and early morning if she wont let you do it. We resorted to this and child did not even wake up! Teice a day was better rhan no times a day

user1496146479 · 04/02/2023 22:03

I just don't understand this! You are a parent, how can a four year old not 'let' you!
Perhaps SN aside I just don't understand this, and even then it's medically necessary!
I hear this at school too from parents of non SN children, they won't take medicine, and won't wear sunscreen no matter how hot!
I don't get it, parent your children!!'

Original poster

Nothingissimpleever · 04/02/2023 22:06

@user1496146479 Thanks for that, she is possible SN
It’s almost impossible, the screaming and pushing and kicking

OP posts:

InspectorPaws · 04/02/2023 22:10

user1496146479 · 04/02/2023 22:03

I just don't understand this! You are a parent, how can a four year old not 'let' you!
Perhaps SN aside I just don't understand this, and even then it's medically necessary!
I hear this at school too from parents of non SN children, they won't take medicine, and won't wear sunscreen no matter how hot!
I don't get it, parent your children!!'

There’s no way I’d be able to physically do certain things to my 3yo DS. I certainly wouldn’t be able to administer eye drops by force if he’s resisting - I’d miss! The idea that you can physically restrain a child and simultaneously perform a delicate task seems to be trotted out a lot by people who are either monstrously strong or haven’t ever had to do it. Not to mention, given that there are other options to achieve exactly the same outcome, I’m not sure why anyone would advocate physical restraint.

Moomieboo · 04/02/2023 22:11

user1496146479 · 04/02/2023 22:03

I just don't understand this! You are a parent, how can a four year old not 'let' you!
Perhaps SN aside I just don't understand this, and even then it's medically necessary!
I hear this at school too from parents of non SN children, they won't take medicine, and won't wear sunscreen no matter how hot!
I don't get it, parent your children!!'

We have a severely disabled boy....the rule is...if its medical then its tough shit! It has to be done.

He's 13 now....so very difficult to pin down.

unfortunately you need to parent.

iminvestednow · 04/02/2023 22:12

Agreed, you’re not their friend you’re their parent. I have a SEN child and I get there are things that I can’t get him to do… swallow pills and a mountain of other stuff. Ear drops though? It’s not painful to put them in. You are the adult, you say we do this the easy way or the hard way but it has to happen to make you better.

Be confident and firm (not aggressive) and get it done quickly. Like others have said lots of hugs and praise after.

thaegumathteth · 04/02/2023 22:14

You just have to hold them down and get it down. Re the eye drops you can get ones which are more like a cream so they don't run out at easily.

Dd used to have to be forcibly held down and she got conjunctivitis badly fairly often. She also had a vomiting Condition so she'd be held down and then vomit copiously. She was upset but not traumatised there is a difference.

You need to take the lead here, be breezy, get it done, reassure, move on.

twoandcooplease · 04/02/2023 22:17

It’s almost impossible

No but it is possible. IMHO pinning down for ear drops isn't really necessary unless doing it during the night won't work. But it's less traumatic than pinning for oral medicine I think

I was a child who had to be pinned ....

pawsandponies · 04/02/2023 22:23

@InspectorPaws

I mean I can pin down my 60kg dog to put ear drops in I'm only 5:2, I don't know how it's impossible to pin down a three year old.

InspectorPaws · 04/02/2023 22:27

pawsandponies · 04/02/2023 22:23

@InspectorPaws

I mean I can pin down my 60kg dog to put ear drops in I'm only 5:2, I don't know how it's impossible to pin down a three year old.

And there’s not even a single milligram of doubt in my mind that if your dog were trying it’s hardest to get you off then you wouldn’t stand a chance.

frostyfours · 04/02/2023 22:38

dustybluebell · 04/02/2023 21:54

My youngest son was the same. I used to have to do things like eye and ear drops when he was asleep/napping. He was very stubborn and still is.

This is my approach and it works!

Temporaryname158 · 04/02/2023 23:13

Be a parent and get on with it. Why are you being a wet parent who will let their child get ill rather than administer the medicine. Explain she needs to have it and why. Ask her to cooperate, if she refuses you administer it anyway.

my son didn’t like his teeth cleaning…do you think I just left them to rot?

70sDuvet · 05/02/2023 00:55

That's why I wrap my DS in a large towel or blanket- it's less easy to escape from.

And yes, I've held him down for medical procedures all his life. Kept my cool, tried to keep him calm, even when 8 med professionals were trying to restrain him to carry out the procedure. It needed done so I did it.

In hospital now I Always wrap him in a sheet before med rounds, canula insersion or a new procedure, it helps us all not get frazzled. But he is very proud of himself that he can do blood tests no problem.

And after he's settled, then I'll go off and have a cry that I have to do this to him, but never in front of him. He has medical needs and it's my job as his mother to get these needs met.

Usually, he is 9 I can manage this alone but I have severe Rheumatoid Arthritis and a bad shoulder joint so ideally it's easier if there are two people, 1 to restrain and 1 to hold his head and sort out the meds.

Sorry you and your daughter and going through this but if she grows up like my DS she will understand why you've done it to her. Or she will never remember it happened. You aren't being a bad parent by being forceful, you are if you aren't treating the medical problem.

SeaToSki · 05/02/2023 01:23

One way that really helps to restrain them gently but effectively is sit on the floor with them lying between your legs and their head in your crotch. One leg goes over their arm and your ankle over their knee and the same the other side. You then pin their head with your thighs and have two hands free to give medicine eye dropsetc

TheShellBeach · 05/02/2023 01:27

Nothingissimpleever · 04/02/2023 21:52

@Cuppasoupmonster So hard to physically do it though? She’s a stubborn one and will become hysterical no doubt, don’t want to traumatise her. I remember when younger hating it but just having to do it if my mum said, she’s so strong

It's better than her becoming deaf FFS.

EKGEMS · 05/02/2023 01:30

It took four adults to hold my sn kid down in his wheelchair at age six for the flu vaccine but he got the shot because if he didn't he would very likely develop pneumonia-you pick your battles. If you have to put them in a headlock or lay across their feet and chest to get the drops in you do it-I was lucky that my kid has a feeding tube so he wouldn't need to taste the medication but you do what you have to do-your child doesn't understand that's the shitty part of being a parent