Relationship advice and anxiety

[Holly76354]

Hi everyone,
I'm not in a good place so please be gentle with me. I'm genuinally looking for advice and support. I have panic disorder and I'm unsure if my relationship is contributing to how I feel and if I'd be better off alone for a while. I've been with my partner for 10.5 years.
Sorry of this all sounds a bit jumbled, I hope it makes sense. Basically my partner is really accident prone which triggers me and I'm constantly worried something bad is going to happen. Things like bumping into another car, pouring boiling water over their hand whilst cooking. More recently stepping onto the bathroom floor with no bath mat/towel down and slipping, consequently hitting their head on the toilet. There's a million other things, usually daily. Accidents happen, I know this but I'm a nervous wreck. I have past trauma which definitely contributes to my anxiety but lately it's so severe I'm having panic attacks and can't sleep. It's definitely spiraled and I'm feeling really alone and unsure of what to do. I have already had chats with my partner and Ive developed a compulsion to tell my partner to 'take care' everytime they leave the house as I'm scared if I don't something bad will happen. I also have OCD so this is not helping either. I'm currently seeking therapy but any advice in regards to the relationship would be really appreciated. Thank you in advance. Again, please be gentle but if I'm anyone thinks I'm being unreasonable I understand xxx

You're not being unreasonable, you're obviously really struggling and I'm so sorry about that. Well done for reaching out for help, and I hope things improve.

In regards to your relationship, is it just his occasional accidents that are bothering you or are there other issues, too?

@Aquamarine1029 Thank you for replying. ❤️There are trust issues as I found my partner following a woman online who basically danced in sexy underwear and lied to me about it for a couple of hours, eventually admitting it but still beating around the bush. That happened just before Christmas. I made the decision to try and let that go and there's no evidence of cheating or anything more. The lying is a worry though and has come up a few times during the relationship over different things. I find it difficult to hold a grudge and realise everyone makes mistakes. My anxiety is a worry though and I'm at the point where I feel like I need to be a bit selfish and think about me so I can sleep and function in day to day life. Sorry for the long reply.

Is there anything positive in the relationship at all?

It seems to bring you distress and anxiety only.

@BlastedPimples Yes there is positives which is why I'm finding it hard to come to a decision. Apart from what I've said it's a generally loving relationship. I know things I've mentioned contradict that but it is genuinely a good relationship otherwise. I'm just trying to figure out if the pros outweigh the cons. And whether it would be better for me to walk away

The lying is a huge issue too.

See your GP about some cognitive behavioural therapy - I had a friend whose adult child, who still lived at home, developed epilepsy. Child had a couple of seizures at home and my friend started to dread the child being at home in case they had another seizure - she couldn't sleep because she was constantly listening out for child crashing to the floor etc. Cognitive behavioural therapy helped.