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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent refusing to have their child assessed

132 replies

StrongCoffeeAvalanche · 04/02/2023 11:01

Hi, I don't want to give too many details for obvious reasons.

I am a teacher. A student I teach has many signs of SEN. We realistically cannot cater for their needs as things are. We need to put extra support in place. However due to their strong beliefs the parent is refusing to allow any assessments or help to be offered. They say their child is lazy and just isn't working hard enough. The parent does no believe in neurological differences.

I have spoken to SENCO. For reasons I cannot disclose I also want to look into this myself.

Is this parent breaking any policies? I am wondering if it falls under being a form of child neglect? Is there anything we can do or does parent opinion mean we can't do anything?

The child is desperate for assessment. It is crushing them and their mental health.

Thanks.

OP posts:
Tangerinie · 04/02/2023 11:04

That is possible neglect I would guess. Failing to get or delaying medical treatment is a form of neglect isn't it?

DRS1970 · 04/02/2023 11:06

This is arguably a form of child neglect. Concerns need to be formalised with the parent, and escalated to social services if necessary.

Shoes232 · 04/02/2023 11:07

This is very common. How old is the chlild? What have you put into place already to support them, there are lots of steps you need to follow anyway become any assessments can be done.

Geneticsbunny · 04/02/2023 11:07

Of the child is old enough to be Gillick compitent (possible as long as they are in secondary school) then they might be able to request assessment themself via the GP.

xigris · 04/02/2023 11:10

I’m not a teacher but I have a child with significant ADHD. I know nothing about the legalities / policies surrounding this so really I’m no help at all. But, what a sad situation. I had to fight SO hard to get my DS assessed and the difference with medication and support / recognition of the diagnosis has been so profound for him. He is so much happier, engaged and fulfilling his potential both at school and in other areas.

Personally, I think this is a form of neglect on behalf of the parent/s. Would they deny investigation and treatment into (for example) asthma?

How old is the child? The way you say that they are desperate for assessment is heartbreaking.

I have no idea how you go about getting this resolved though.

Original poster
StrongCoffeeAvalanche · 04/02/2023 11:10

The child is in year 12 so 16/17? They are fairly new to the school after moving. They had a complete breakdown in my lesson and stated they were terrified their parent would find out they had even been talking to me. I have raised concerns with senior leadership and SENCO. I just can't get this child out of my mind.

OP posts:
Original poster
StrongCoffeeAvalanche · 04/02/2023 11:11

We have had other cases similar, although not as extreme. I would also like advise for children of around 11 years old.

OP posts:
Original poster
StrongCoffeeAvalanche · 04/02/2023 11:12

Shoes232 · 04/02/2023 11:07

This is very common. How old is the chlild? What have you put into place already to support them, there are lots of steps you need to follow anyway become any assessments can be done.

Thank you, I know we need lots of evidence I'm just worried it would mean nothing if the parents refuse?

OP posts:
Mydogatemypurse · 04/02/2023 11:13

My friend did this even though both junior and senior schools wanted him assessed. She said there was nothing wrong with him and she won't have him labelled. He is now struggling like mad, detentions all the time, actively kept out of certain activities and distracts others.
I would have thought this was neglect but not a thing has happened to her apart from her patting herself on the back for having such a 'spirited' child, and how shes such a non conformist rebel. (Shes 55 and a civil servant).

DameCelia · 04/02/2023 11:15

@StrongCoffeeAvalanche
I'm slightly surprised that you say you are a teacher.
If you are then you know that what the student said to you is a safeguarding concern and you will have reported it.

Original poster
StrongCoffeeAvalanche · 04/02/2023 11:16

DameCelia · 04/02/2023 11:15

@StrongCoffeeAvalanche
I'm slightly surprised that you say you are a teacher.
If you are then you know that what the student said to you is a safeguarding concern and you will have reported it.

.... I have reported it. I've stated twice. To the SENCO, who is also on the safeguarding team.

OP posts:
Original poster
StrongCoffeeAvalanche · 04/02/2023 11:17

And I have reported to head of safeguarding in SLT

OP posts:
Helenloveslee4eva · 04/02/2023 11:18

What does your safeguarding lead say ?
denying medical needs is a safeguarding matter

LittleOwl153 · 04/02/2023 11:19

A yr12 child can absolutely seek their own medical intervention. I'm not sure SS would be interested in the neglect angle given their age - though might support them in independant living if that is what thebyoubg person wants. There is alot you can do without parental agreement at that age I would have thought - give them a locker to store things they don't want to take home, give them alternative work in classes that they can achieve, give them ideas for interventions which would be consistent with whatever you think they might be diagnosed with - e.g. organisational skills for ADHD.

I don't know rhe legals but a child of 16/17 hasn't got long before they can easily escape... if that is what they want. (Obviously with alot of support!)

Make sure you have the backing of your seniors though OP - you don't want to have problems/put your career in jepody yourself because a parent like this complains. Going against religion and parents can be difficult.

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 04/02/2023 11:19

If you've reported it to the DSL, then you have done your bit. You could ask them in a week or two what action they have taken.

At 16, the child could seek diagnosis themselves via their GP, but if they are so terrified of their parents, it's unlikely they would do this.

I think the real issue is not that the parents won't get them assessed, but that the child was in tears presumably feeling they couldn't access medical help because they are afraid of their parents.

Lostinplaces · 04/02/2023 11:19

I have referred situations like this to my local MASH a few times and been told every time it’s ‘parental choice.’ I don’t understand it because the parent is basically refusing to meet the child’s needs but apparently under these circumstances that’s fine.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 04/02/2023 11:20

xigris · 04/02/2023 11:10

I’m not a teacher but I have a child with significant ADHD. I know nothing about the legalities / policies surrounding this so really I’m no help at all. But, what a sad situation. I had to fight SO hard to get my DS assessed and the difference with medication and support / recognition of the diagnosis has been so profound for him. He is so much happier, engaged and fulfilling his potential both at school and in other areas.

Personally, I think this is a form of neglect on behalf of the parent/s. Would they deny investigation and treatment into (for example) asthma?

How old is the child? The way you say that they are desperate for assessment is heartbreaking.

I have no idea how you go about getting this resolved though.

Another mum of a child with SEN. I have been fighting for diagnosis and am up against a lengthy waiting list. Parents like this infuriate me, completely agree with this PP. Hoping you can find resolution.

LostAtTheCrossRoad · 04/02/2023 11:21

As you've reported it to the relevant people, just keep giving your classroom support and let the student know you will always take their concerns seriously. Check in with him and continue reporting upwards every individual concern he reports to you. There's not much more you can do, and you should probably be extremely cautious in "investigating yourself", that's not appropriate.

Neolara · 04/02/2023 11:21

Do you mean for a medical assessment? Or an assessment by an educational psychologist? I think a 16 year old is usually old enough to consent to their own assessment. I wouldn't have thought
you needed parental consent.

Can2022getanyworse · 04/02/2023 11:21

The school can AND SHOULD be able to put support in place for the student WITHOUT any official diagnosis. It's basic differentiation from an academic point of view.

As the student is now over 16 they can take control of their own education and health, and the SENCO can talk to them independent of their parents to find out if they would like further support.

kitcat15 · 04/02/2023 11:22

Lostinplaces · 04/02/2023 11:19

I have referred situations like this to my local MASH a few times and been told every time it’s ‘parental choice.’ I don’t understand it because the parent is basically refusing to meet the child’s needs but apparently under these circumstances that’s fine.

Same in our area.......outcome of mash would be early help......parents would decline to engage......case would be NFAd and case closed to social care......parents would never engage with school again

Original poster
StrongCoffeeAvalanche · 04/02/2023 11:30

Lostinplaces · 04/02/2023 11:19

I have referred situations like this to my local MASH a few times and been told every time it’s ‘parental choice.’ I don’t understand it because the parent is basically refusing to meet the child’s needs but apparently under these circumstances that’s fine.

Thank you for your reply. I'm so sad to hear this is what might happen Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
StrongCoffeeAvalanche · 04/02/2023 11:33

@kitcat15 does NFAd mean no further action?

OP posts:
x2boys · 04/02/2023 11:37

StrongCoffeeAvalanche · 04/02/2023 11:01

Hi, I don't want to give too many details for obvious reasons.

I am a teacher. A student I teach has many signs of SEN. We realistically cannot cater for their needs as things are. We need to put extra support in place. However due to their strong beliefs the parent is refusing to allow any assessments or help to be offered. They say their child is lazy and just isn't working hard enough. The parent does no believe in neurological differences.

I have spoken to SENCO. For reasons I cannot disclose I also want to look into this myself.

Is this parent breaking any policies? I am wondering if it falls under being a form of child neglect? Is there anything we can do or does parent opinion mean we can't do anything?

The child is desperate for assessment. It is crushing them and their mental health.

Thanks.

You are a teacher and posting this on AIBU?
surely between you and the SENCO ,you can get some more professional advice ,rather than the thoughts of random,s on mumsnet🙄

Hoppinggreen · 04/02/2023 11:41

I suspect this is cultural.
There was a student with severe MH issues at my DDs school. Parents refused intervention and took her to their place of worship for someone to pray over her and “drive out demons”. School really tried but the parent eventually withdrew her.
Its tough OP and it’s great someone is trying to help but this poor child will probably be getting pressure from home not to “shame” them sadly.