Sharing watching of dd1's football

[Drywhitefruitycidergin]

For background ex-h and i have been split for 8 years. Get on fine, he's always paid what he's required to without complaint & has always travelled to visit the children 1 x per fortnight on a Saturday. (He moved away) We share holidays & are flexible with the dates depending on his stepdaughter dates/plans and any other commitments work or social.

Dd1 has started playing football for a team. Training tues, match Sat. Obvs I take her to all training & entertain dd2 in the car or with a walk in all weathers.

For Saturday home matches when exh isn't visiting I have a manic morning running to football then gymnastics for dd2, back to football and then back to collect from gymnastics & finally back to football. (Middle loop not essential but I actually get to see her play)

On Saturday's where exh is visiting she always wants him to go to football saying you come next time to me or when will nanny & grandad be here next. Exh would prefer to go to football, prob wouldn't make a fuss if I said my turn, but never actually says it, just says i don't mind, so I just take dd2 to gymnastics.

Essentially I never get to watch her play a full match. Only time I have all season is when my parents were visiting and kindly took dd2 to gymnastics.

Today is her first ever cup game. Possibility of penalty shoot out.
AIBU to be hurt that dd1 has once again said she wants her dad to take her so he gets to watch her for a full game again while i get sitting in car at dd2's gymnastics.

YABU - speak up & don't be a martyr or get over it - dd1 is being as diplomatic as an 11yo can be when saying she wants her dad there as she starts with i don't mind, and gets to you come next time.

YANBU - it's hurtful to never be actively chosen & to always be the fallback option even in your own family.

I never got to watch ds play as was running round with other dc so was just occasional game. It's nice when dc have an activity with one parent helps that bond.

I'd maybe try to cultivate a friendship with a parent at gymnastics and then occasionally share drop off / collection, even if just once a term each?
Is that at all possible for future?

Is there anything stopping you from doing what you do on the weekends he isn't there, ie drop at gymnastics then go back and watch the football?

YABU. DD1 is trying to be diplomatic as she doesn't get to see her dad. Would it be unreasonable/difficult/impossible for both of her parents to be at the match and watch being civil to each other and without causing a scene? Little Unicorns 1 and 2 are actually my stepkids. They frequently had 2, 3 or 4 parents/stepparents at various events watching/cheering them on, always civil including shaking hands and even small talk so that, as far as the children are concerned, everything is fine on the surface.

Just my opinion, but it's a cup match. If you can make other arrangements for DD2, I think the best option would be for both of her parents to watch DD1 play. In the future, I'd probably look to do the same more frequently, too.

In DD1s mind... you watch turn about as Dad visits once a fortnight. Plus you come to training. She wants her dad to see play

Not considering that you never actually get to see the whole game and want to support her.

My DD gets really excited about her dad or grandad taking her to matches... because I'm always there. They aren't around as much.

YABU

It's not about being picked it's just the novelty for your daughter of having her dad around. She sees you every day and him once a fortnight. When you see someone only once a fortnight you want them there.

If it's a special match then can't dd2 miss gymnastics for one week so that you can all go and watch?

Would DD2 like her dad to take her to gymnastics(can parents watch?)

Important game then your other DD goes to game with you and misses gymnastics. That’s what having a sibling is all about. When there is an important gymnastics comp then you do the same for that DD.

just go, I don’t see the problem. Tell DD1 it’s because it’s a cup game. DD2 can miss gymnastics for one day, who knows she might like to watch her sister

Thanks for the different perspectives.
I think I'm being unfair to dd1 and setting her up to fail by getting her to choose. I thought it was giving her the control because it's her hobby but actually it's probably making it hard for her.
For context dd2's gymnastics was already at this time and she doesn't cope well with change (pending asd diagnosis) so am keen to avoid disruption but you are right she could miss 1 week and I've just started her at a Thursday class with a different club so hoping she'll give up Saturday's soon!
The stress of traffic/parking/running around makes me less inclined to actively choose to do it and I'd still only see 20-25 mins of match.
You're right It's lovely for her to have the bond with her dad despite not living under the same roof.
I think it's something to live with and appreciate that I'm just doing my best for the whole family & to enjoy the occasional game I do get to see in full!
Thanks!