Page 2 | It's a wedding one

QueenLagertha · 2023-02-04T09:16:37+00:00

DH's bro lives in Canada. Originally had intended to get married in May this year. We (and other relatives) kept asking for dates form a year before so we could look at flights/accommodation but no info was forthcoming. Then he told MIL and DH he didn't love wife to be, they are having a lot of problems etc and he wanted to move back home on his own. It transpired that they had paid a deposit on a hotel but had cancelled it. He came home for a couple of weeks in September then decided to go back to her. No mention of the wedding. Then last night he text to say they are getting married in July now. My issue is we have just booked a break away in June. Our first since 2019. I am returning to work from maternity leave this week so we are not flush. I looked at flights and apartments for July. We have two children and one will be 15 months so need something family friendly. I estimate if we go we will be out thousands. Canada is so expensive. Flights and apartment alone will be in the region of 4K. I mentioned to DH that maybe him and older child should go on their own (they will both be part of wedding party. DH will be best man). I don't want to spend our savings on somewhere I wouldn't choose to go otherwise. Plus I don't think it'll be much fun for me and toddler. Bride will be a bridezilla and will expect to dictate the whole holiday. DH is moping about the house about having to go without me. What do you all think?

Godlovesall26 · 04/02/2023 09:45

Yes, it’s very inconsiderate. Especially if all his family is still in the UK

Original poster

QueenLagertha · 04/02/2023 09:46

@Godlovesall26 I'll be planting that seed today. It'll be a fraction of the cost plus DH could maybe share a room with someone else to cut costs even further.

OP posts:

Original poster

QueenLagertha · 04/02/2023 09:48

@pictoosh completely agree. Two self absorbed people. When we got married we went for a hotel that was convenient for guests. We did our best not to put people out. Where we're from most people have receptions approx two hours away.

OP posts:

Godlovesall26 · 04/02/2023 09:50

QueenLagertha · 04/02/2023 09:46

@Godlovesall26 I'll be planting that seed today. It'll be a fraction of the cost plus DH could maybe share a room with someone else to cut costs even further.

Yes and also look at Airbnb style appartements/houses with several rooms for him to share with his parents, and whoever else wishes to

RealBecca · 04/02/2023 09:51

I mean this kindly hut I dint get why you ar ethe one doing research and solving the problem. Personally in your shows od leave it all to DH to figure out. Let him look at costs and come up with ideas. You arent his mum and you dont need the stress.

lanthanum · 04/02/2023 09:52

You've already spent this year's £1k holiday budget. DH going will use up most of next year's. Explain that, and say you'll start saving for a trip when the children are a bit older.

pictoosh · 04/02/2023 09:54

"you’re not in a position to piss away money on a trip you don’t want or need to take to see two silly people get married for the wrong reasons"

This was my bil's wedding/marriage too. He met her on the internet, we met her briefly the once while she was visiting over here. Next thing you know...we're getting married in Argentina this summer, please deplete your savings and get a loan so you can fly out here for a week to witness it.

No man, don't be daft.

Godlovesall26 · 04/02/2023 09:55

RealBecca · 04/02/2023 09:51

I mean this kindly hut I dint get why you ar ethe one doing research and solving the problem. Personally in your shows od leave it all to DH to figure out. Let him look at costs and come up with ideas. You arent his mum and you dont need the stress.

True, but OP seems the best candidate to find a cheaper deal unfortunately, if he wants the 4 of them to go!

Original poster

QueenLagertha · 04/02/2023 09:57

@RealBecca you're so right. Once I've said my piece to him I'll be stepping back and letting him sort it. DH's family are so different to mine. They are all super polite to each other. If it was my brother I'd have rang him straight away and told him straight!

OP posts:

Godlovesall26 · 04/02/2023 10:04

QueenLagertha · 04/02/2023 09:57

@RealBecca you're so right. Once I've said my piece to him I'll be stepping back and letting him sort it. DH's family are so different to mine. They are all super polite to each other. If it was my brother I'd have rang him straight away and told him straight!

That’s great that they get on, they can share nicely.
Even those apartment hotels, with several rooms, that have small kitchens, saves quite a lot !
.Maybe just plant those ideas in their heads and let them get on to it as PP said.
Maybe your MIL will enjoy the search, she must be excited for her son’s wedding, but maybe also secretly worried about the cost as well !

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/02/2023 10:04

I think he's afraid B&G will be annoyed that we're not all going too

Then they'll just have to be annoyed - after all you've done as much as you can with suggesting he goes alone or with just the older child, and if you can't afford more then you can't

TBH from all you've said there doesn't sound much to celebrate about this particular marriage anyway, so I guess you could always save up for his next one!

Godlovesall26 · 04/02/2023 10:10

They should be grateful DH is going at all at such short notice.
Who has spontaneous money to spare for 4 people to Canada at the last minute ? I’d imagine not that many.
Think we’ve all agreed the 5yo shouldn’t go, use a bit of extra money to get your DH a refundable ticket if the difference isn’t huge and leave them to it

Alexandernevermind · 04/02/2023 10:13

I don't think organising a wedding in the country you actually live in is self absorbed. Is the bride Canadian? I can't blame your dh for being upset that you don't want to go. Is it a case of your really can't afford it, or do you have the money earmarked for something else?
Your family obviously don't like the bride, but is it becauee your bil talks back about her after arguments?

Godlovesall26 · 04/02/2023 10:19

Alexandernevermind · 04/02/2023 10:13

I don't think organising a wedding in the country you actually live in is self absorbed. Is the bride Canadian? I can't blame your dh for being upset that you don't want to go. Is it a case of your really can't afford it, or do you have the money earmarked for something else?
Your family obviously don't like the bride, but is it becauee your bil talks back about her after arguments?

True if the bride is Canadian I guess.
But it’s the short notice thing also, flights and accommodation would have been much cheaper.
And OP said they weren’t flush after maternity leave, needed a child friendly hotel… so would be using their savings. OP said 4K just for accommodation and hotels, that money could go a long way with 2 young children

Godlovesall26 · 04/02/2023 10:21

Godlovesall26 · 04/02/2023 10:19

True if the bride is Canadian I guess.
But it’s the short notice thing also, flights and accommodation would have been much cheaper.
And OP said they weren’t flush after maternity leave, needed a child friendly hotel… so would be using their savings. OP said 4K just for accommodation and hotels, that money could go a long way with 2 young children

Show quote history

Accommodation and flights sorry.
It would be strange if DH didn’t go yes, but the rest of the family not as much

Original poster

QueenLagertha · 04/02/2023 10:24

@Godlovesall26 @Puzzledandpissedoff not at all. MIL is heartbroken that he is going ahead with the wedding but is wise enough to keep her mouth shut. We've all spoken to BIL about it when he was home. He basically said he is afraid of not meeting someone else. He's a bit of an idiot tbh.

MIL went over to visit last summer and stayed with them. At one stage bride to be took BIL in to the bedroom and was shouting at him about spending so much time with his Mother and not with her 🤦🏼‍♀️ she treats BIL like dirt and has given him a list of things he must do for her daily that MIL found. She has a timeline ie wants to be married by age x, first baby at age x and so on. He does all the cooking, cleaning.

BIL told me that she doesn't want to be "one of those women who lets someone else raise their children". Said to me who works full time 😂 I look forward to the princess having children and the harsh reality smacking her in the face.

I suspect bride to be doesn't want us all to come to the wedding anyway. She doesn't have many to invite on her own side. A group of BIL's extended family were interested in going to the original wedding. BIL told us bride to be said she didn't want the "smith" family taking over her wedding and making it all about them 😂
So maybe she knows that the last minute invite will mean most of his family can't go now

OP posts:

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/02/2023 10:24

It’s the short notice thing ...

From the sound of things, if they'd delayed it the whole thing may well have been off again anyway, but that's hardly OP/DH's fault

As said, they're doing their best in suggesting DH goes alone or just with one child, so frankly I'd say this to the B&G and leave it at that

heldinadream · 04/02/2023 10:26

What a dysfunctional shit show. Book/commit to as little as possible because the chances of it all going tits up again are astronomical.

Cosyblankets · 04/02/2023 10:27

If he wants you all there he should have given more notice. You can't expect to put your life on hold on the off-chance his wedding is back on

Godlovesall26 · 04/02/2023 10:29

QueenLagertha · 04/02/2023 10:24

@Godlovesall26 @Puzzledandpissedoff not at all. MIL is heartbroken that he is going ahead with the wedding but is wise enough to keep her mouth shut. We've all spoken to BIL about it when he was home. He basically said he is afraid of not meeting someone else. He's a bit of an idiot tbh.

MIL went over to visit last summer and stayed with them. At one stage bride to be took BIL in to the bedroom and was shouting at him about spending so much time with his Mother and not with her 🤦🏼‍♀️ she treats BIL like dirt and has given him a list of things he must do for her daily that MIL found. She has a timeline ie wants to be married by age x, first baby at age x and so on. He does all the cooking, cleaning.

BIL told me that she doesn't want to be "one of those women who lets someone else raise their children". Said to me who works full time 😂 I look forward to the princess having children and the harsh reality smacking her in the face.

I suspect bride to be doesn't want us all to come to the wedding anyway. She doesn't have many to invite on her own side. A group of BIL's extended family were interested in going to the original wedding. BIL told us bride to be said she didn't want the "smith" family taking over her wedding and making it all about them 😂
So maybe she knows that the last minute invite will mean most of his family can't go now

Oh that sounds lovely… no I definitely wouldn’t send your 5 yo in these circumstances.
I’d get a refundable flight for your DH and encourage him to share one of those appartements with cooking facilities, as big as they can find, with his family. Saves on expenses and at least makes for a family gathering and a sightseeing trip if all goes to hell ?

Original poster

QueenLagertha · 04/02/2023 10:54

Thanks all. Glad I posted.

OP posts:

deeperthanallroses · 04/02/2023 11:01

I can’t say I would care that my bil was mad if it was because we couldn’t afford to go to his overseas wedding with only 6 months notice. Tough shit, from the sounds of it it will be the first in a long series of consequences he will have to deal with, being unhappy being a major one of those.

Godlovesall26 · 04/02/2023 11:57

QueenLagertha · 04/02/2023 10:54

Thanks all. Glad I posted.

The quickest way if you want a little peace of mind, without having to actuality deal with the organisation of it all is to go on booking, type the address, then play around with number of rooms etc and see what comes up. It’ll only take you max 15min.

Actually if you feel comfortable of course, I’m sick today and insanely bored ha, you can give me the location of the venue by pm and a few general criteria, I’d be happy to do it for you (I’m the default planner for holidays that even aren’t mine ha, I just enjoy it)

Godlovesall26 · 04/02/2023 12:00

Godlovesall26 · 04/02/2023 11:57

The quickest way if you want a little peace of mind, without having to actuality deal with the organisation of it all is to go on booking, type the address, then play around with number of rooms etc and see what comes up. It’ll only take you max 15min.

Actually if you feel comfortable of course, I’m sick today and insanely bored ha, you can give me the location of the venue by pm and a few general criteria, I’d be happy to do it for you (I’m the default planner for holidays that even aren’t mine ha, I just enjoy it)

Show quote history

Only if you feel comfortable of course, I completely understand if not. Just click appartement and dates, it’ll be quick

Im a European international student so I’d never for the life of me figure out who you are btw !

Original poster

QueenLagertha · 04/02/2023 12:05

Thanks so much @Godlovesall26 that's kind of what I did already including the Skyscanner app. I'm saying no more about it to DH I'm going to leave it up to him now to sort himself out. Hope you feel better soon 😘

OP posts: