When I was 23, I was harassed by a coworker for about 6 months. Let's call him "Tony". At first, he didn't do anything too aggressive, just made comments and followed me around, lurking. He was always there when I turned around. He'd make comments like "you look so innocent, it's always the innocent ones who are most devilish" and when he asked if I had a boyfriend and I said yes, he said "you look like a girl who likes multiple men at once" with a wink. I once came into work without make up and he asked me in a panic 3 times why I wasn't wearing makeup, as though he was personally offended. He'd leave me little unwanted gifts on my desk. That sort of stuff. I complained to his managers but they said it was just cultural because he was Italian and I should be more sensitive. I was young and just thought that clearly I was the problem here.
A few months in, I realised my other male coworkers were treating me strangely. They would avoid talking to me or looking me in the eyes. I couldn't understand why. It turned out, Tony had been telling any male colleague who would listen that he and I had been having sex. And aggressive sex at that. They sort of believed I was some sex crazed freak. I was not having sex with him. I didn't even know him. I tried my hardest to avoid him and I was scared of him.
When I found out, it all made sense and I completely broke down because I felt like I'd been a mad woman all that time, making a big deal out of nothing, when actually, he had been hunting me the whole time. It seemed to me that he had the attitude of "if I can't have her, then I'll mark my territory so no one else can".
HR were good. They went around and got statements off everyone and told them it was false. It was so strange when I went into work and all the men were talking to me again.
Tony didn't get fired. He got training. He did later get fired for lying on his application to work there. I had already moved on by then.
I found out I wasn't even the first girl he had done this to. I was the third. He had started the following of a 16 year old apprentice, who freaked out and moved jobs. He did it to a receptionist who also asked to be transferred to a different building.
At the time I just thought "that's the way it is, thank god they helped me". Now that I have a daughter, I'm so mad that happened to me. Surely, the guy should have been fired. How can men get away with this crap time and time again?!
I think he should have been fired the first time but this was clearly not company policy.
AIBU for thinking sexual harassment if a fireable offence??? Or is it something we should be training men out of, at the expense of female workers??? I'm genuinely interested to hear if perhaps the law says that he was entities to second and third chances.