How do you know a nursery is the right one?

[LemonSwan]

Should have really thought about this sooner. Signed up for a nursery over a year ago without visiting. Crazy I know!

Visited today and having second thoughts and some doubts. Just worried! I want my boy to be happy. What if he’s not happy ahhh!

What did you look for in a nursery?

Just trying to gauge whether this is just crazy mum feelings or if some of the things I think is not as great as I hoped are important or not.

Just went on gut feeling, really. Did the children look happy, stimulated, relaxed? Were the staff interacting with them?

Each time we were right - the one time we ignored our gut feeling and took a chance on a nursery that we hadn’t liked the feel of when we visited, we pulled our child out within a month.

I would look for:

Staff who seem proactive and engaged with the children. Good staff retention.
(ask how long they've been working there). Staff with a good range of experience (not all teenagers).

Trips out. Good outside space that is used regularly. I wouldn't want my child to be in one room all day long.

Low numbers, I'd prefer a small nursery over a big one.

The resources don't need to be amazing, but should be clean and well organised.

Activities should be age appropriate. Good mix of structured activities and free play. No gimmicks. I don't need my one year old having a weekly French lesson/ballet class.

Reasonable terms and conditions in terms of when they send children home/late fees/notice etc.

I had doubts about the nursery we first put my son into. I so wish I could go back in time and tell myself to listen to my gut. I told myself at the time that the way I felt was purely because it was going to be the first place I left my son in the care of others, that it was normal to feel doubt and that would happen anywhere.
I pulled my son out after two weeks after an incident, which they were dishonest about when confronted.
He’s now settled in really well with a childminder. When we met her I knew almost instantly that her nature and values were similar to mine and that I wanted her to care for my child. Of course I was still apprehensive when he first went, but it was a different kind of apprehension. I was sad to leave him but I didn’t feel worried in the way I had when he went to that first nursery.
Visit others, OP, don’t settle.

Just went on gut feeling, really. Did the children look happy, stimulated, relaxed? Were the staff interacting with them?

The older kids looked happy but the younger ones looked very tired, a bit listless and kind of that dazed staring, cruising aimlessly. But it was late afternoon after tea. Team were sitting cuddling them though and reading books which was nice.

One kid face planted at our feet and they weren’t exactly swift picking him up, but then he wasn’t crying but looked like he wanted too.

Did see team giving calpol I assume for teething and cuddling poor babe so at least not one of those nurseries which refuses to administer any pain relief.

Was also a bit worried about no separate sleep room. Just finally managed to sleep train last couple of weeks after 9 months of near hourly wakings so terrified to go backwards there! We have finally realised our boy needs quiet and darkness to nap properly, and he is SO much happier now.

Environment generally lacked colour/ wall displays, outdoors had amenities but no plants.

Maybe I need to visit some more nurseries. It’s my first one so I don’t really know what to expect.

Trips out. Good outside space that is used regularly. I wouldn't want my child to be in one room all day long.

Low numbers, I'd prefer a small nursery over a big one.

Numbers we’re small which was nice. Max 12 for the age/room.

They do do forest school once a week which is nice and did have their own outdoor area. Older kids looked like they had gone out and they did say younger ones went out daily but when I asked later if he needed shoes they said no.

Nurseries have magic sleeping dust so I wouldn't worry about naps.

I asked about policies for illness (to see if they were reasonable) and about what they'd do about biting (to see if they were on the same page as me about how to deal with this stuff).

Essentially though I've viewed several and my DCs have been to two and they've all been good and pretty similar. I did decide against one just because of the vibe though. Maybe visit a few and work out if it's just 'my baby is going to childcare' doubts (definitely had these but they were totally unfounded) or this particular one.

The only setting I've thought 'hell no' about was two childminders I met with.

“The older kids looked happy but the younger ones looked very tired, a bit listless and kind of that dazed staring, cruising aimlessly. But it was late afternoon after tea. Team were sitting cuddling them though and reading books which was nice.”

This is exactly how my otherwise bouncy, happy boy would come out of the nursery I mentioned previously looking. I can’t really explain it other than he appeared a bit lifeless at pick up. They’d reassure me he’d “been ok” when I asked. I really do think this comes from having a disconnect from their caregivers, like they’ve given up on looking for engagement.

I know I might sound a bit dramatic here, and maybe I am. But my son comes out of his childcare setting now like he is himself and exactly how he acts at home. Nothing like how he was when I used to pick him up from the first nursery.

This is what I am worried about. My boy can do this when he is super overtired so I know the look. But when we have the napping down he is bouncy, smiley, super happy, engaged, always looking, chatting, playing.

I just want him to keep that joyous childhood vitality for life if you know what I mean! I am literally trying not to cry thinking about him being tired, unengaged and bored.

Maybe I need to ask to revisit at a different time and it was a prenap thing.

I would definitely ask for a second visit and in the meantime arrange for visits at other nurseries too.
I’d also ask to meet with all of the nursery workers in the room your child will be in. Most nurseries work on a “key worker” basis, so your child will have one member of staff that documents daily for them and is generally responsible for monitoring their development and liaising with you. However, there’s normally a number of staff in each room and any of those can be playing with, doing nappy changes, feeding meals to your child. I would want to meet all of those responsible for caring for my child. However, the norm in my experience is that you briefly say hello to these people and have a more thorough introduction to their key worker.

You know it’s right for you when you can get a space in it around here! Otherwise you wait a year or more or have to take kids to multiple nurseries!

For me lots of nice outdoor space was important and seeing kids happy to run up for cuddles with the staff! Aside from that there’s not much you can look at really.

Listen to your gut - we looked round a few which I wasn't sure of, and when we found ds's nursery I left on cloud 9 completely reassured we'd found the one.

Thanks @Coffeeandchocs really appreciate the honesty and your help!

What time do you think I should visit other nurseries?

If not at the same time am I not giving fair comparison? But then if later afternoon post tea is a bad time I don’t want bad impression of them all!

God clearly pants at this.

Mine was based on my ex partners brother and sister in law, they are notorious for being picky about everything, but are very sweet and hard working, so wanted the best for their children. They searched for the best nursery and we heard nothing but great things about it. It was the third one I visited after the two most local to me, and I could see why they picked it. The teachers were all super friendly, the rooms were stuffed with educational toys, books, bits of work from the kids. It had a really lovely atmosphere all round. They helped me when I told them it was the first time I'd looked into nurseries and gave me lots of advice. It helped they were half way between my and my ex partners house too. They keep parents up to date with what all the children's activites via Facebook and send messages/pictures too. They send a weekly update of the menus for the day. I wish I could go 😄 x

For us we saw 5. Three were no's and two were yes's. We went on gut feeling. One was in a big old building and felt v cosy. The other was a new build and modern. We went for cosy.

We looked at 3 and went with the one that just felt right, it was just a general feeling we didn't look for any specifics

Thanks all. It’s blatantly not the one. Feel like such an idiot!

Thought this was organised and this was just a last minute check. Never going to get into any of the other bloody nurseries now so might not have a choice!

So angry with myself.

You’re not pants! If anything you’re a good parent for putting so much thought into this.

I don’t think you’re necessarily going to get a bad impression of them all by visiting at a time when children are going to be tired. What I’d be looking for depending on the time of day is how they tailor the activities to suit. If the kids are all late afternoon and tired, are they responding to this with appropriate activities, having some quiet time looking at books for example.

I think after visiting a few nurseries, if you can pick a favourite, visit again at a different time of day.

I would also strongly recommend you ask about their settling in process. A good nursery, with the children’s best interests at heart will want you to attend with them if possible for at least a few short sessions while they get used to the new surroundings and people. The nursery I took my son out of, really rushed this process, and after spending one hour with my son one morning there, encouraged me to leave him there for a whole morning the following day. I wish I’d been more assertive and said this was moving too fast but I thought they knew best. After speaking to other parents, it varies, but most nurseries will expect you to go with the child for at least a few sessions, and then do just a morning or afternoon before moving onto doing full days.

Thanks @Coffeeandchocs

Need to try and unwind now about this or will be up all night worrying. Can’t do anything now it’s the weekend so will just reflect on this and look at some others, talk to DP, and ask for a second visit at a different time - because to be fair to them they were responding with appropriate activities by looking at books.

I might just be getting myself in a fizzle after all!

Thank you all 😊