Thoughts on moving from England to Florida

[Decisions2023]

Other half wants us to move from England to his home town in Florida. He has family and friends there etc and he can keep the same job. We have a 9 months of baby and the move is making me nervous. The thought of making my child American is making me nervous as it would become his home and all he knows. I'm not sure if I'm thinking rational. We are not well off and the thought of making this big decision on my childs behalf makes me anxious/nervous.

Do you think I would be putting my child at an advantage or disadvantage?

Thanks in advance.

I’m in Essex suburbia and my secondary school kids do regular lockdown drills. They blockade the doorway with desks and hide silently under other desks assuming a gunman or similar is prowling the corridors. This is an academy

We go to Florida on annual holidays. The humidity is bad. Even bills like mobile bills are a lot. Cars and houses are cheap but healthcare is hundreds of dollars a month. I think it’s probably a great place to live if you’ve got plenty of money but otherwise pretty miserable.

There was a thread on ythis a few weeks ago with lots of people confidently proclaiming that ALL schools in the UK do shooter drills, despite dozens of us saying that it is not a thing in Scotland at all, and teachers in other parts of England saying they don't do it either.

I love Florida and would love to live there but as others have said it is expensive and you need to understand your legal status in terms of work and healthcare etc.

Surely your child has an American passport if your oh is American?

first off remember if you move and split up leaving with your child would be hard. What job opportunities would you both have.

Personally I would be wary of it

Just work out how to plan for medical insurance costs, and college education.
Leaving the NHS is an eye opener when you have to pay for everything or pay monthly medical insurance costs.

This Florida?? Absolutely no way.

I don't think 6 week abortion ban will pass, it will stay at 15 weeks like many other European countries. I don't have any resource referring to DeSantis being against gay marriage. He signed a bill called "Parental Rights in Education" which states "Classroom instruction by school personnel or third parties on sexual orientation or gender identity may not occur in kindergarten through grade 3 or in a manner that is not age-appropriate or developmentally appropriate for students in accordance with state standards." He is working on another regulation to prevent taking kids to sexually explicit drag shows, which I also support. None of these are anti-lgbt.

The US also has terrorist attacks from Islamic extremists. A quite major one from 2001 springs to mind.

When was the last time a child was shot dead in a UK school? 25 or so years ago, and more stringent gun laws were then quickly put in place. How many US school shootings do we see happen each and every year, with absolutely nothing being done about it?

I couldn’t send my children to school there the gun risk would be to much.
Yes schools here do intruder alarm practices too, I have worked in a school where this happened.
Health care cost would also put me off. Although the weather would be a pro!
You need to think of the kind of lifestyle you really want your child to have.

This. There are places I might choose to live in the US but Florida would not be one of them!

Most people in the UK do pay monthly medical costs. DH and I pay way more in stoppages to the NHS than we would for top class private care in the US (I have family there).
Not that I mind. I think health care is a right for all.

I also live in the US and agree with this. Florida would be my 50th choice of states to live in.

Florida has really insane local politics. Even among Americans it’s considered a basket-case.

I actually think it would be amazing. Go and try it. Give it 5 years to get used to it. If you don't like it, you could always come back.

Numerous members of my family moved to the IS (NYC, Boston and LA). No one has ever regretted it. All did very well financially and one of them became a multi-millionaire having come with almost nothing.

US even*

And by "multi-millionaire" I mean around $200 million.

I wouldn't want to live in FL - it's very soulless IMO. It's hot, humid, right-wing and expensive. We were there at New Year and I was shocked that plastic grocery bags are still handed out at supermarket checkouts and you can't recycle anything - there are literally no bins, no sorting of rubbish - it's like going back to the bad old days of everyone just consuming and polluting. As you seem to have very little knowledge of the state, or of living in the US, your caution is wise. FL really isn't just palm trees and DisneyWorld.

You also need to bear in mind that if you and your DH split up you may well be stuck there as you won't be able to just jump on a plane and bring your DC home if he's ordinarily resident in the US and a US citizen. You will qualify for a green card initially, as the spouse of a US citizen, and after about three years you can apply for citizenship. However, if you go, you should really plan to spend the rest of your life there, because that is the reality. Once you're there, your DH could refuse to return to the UK and you'll be stuck. Your DS will grow up as an American and that will be his country too. I have several friends who married Americans/Canadians/Aussies and they are stuck there for life.

Are you married OP?

I lived in Hollywood Florida for about a year with a gorgeous Cuban ex (sigh) and loved it. Quite arty, Cosmopolitan and felt very safe. However, not all of Florida is like that- where exactly would you be living?

On balance, I would only move abroad to a country that I was sure I wanted to live in forever if I had children. As PP have said, once you are there, if you split, you probably won’t be able to bring DC back to UK. So your partner could dump you and move on with another woman, and you would be stuck there trying to make a life for yourself with DC, unable to leave.

I think the frequency and death count of each says otherwise

My friends lived for a while in South Carolina and came back mainly because they didn’t want their kids to be American, and they hated the influence of the so-called religious right. Also, it was very humid in the summer. And healthcare was extortionate unless you had expensive insurance. There were some plus points e.g. fab scenery and amazing ice cream parlours!

OP
Would you be able to work? Worst case scenario- the move puts a big strain on your relationship, and if it fails, you are trapped in a country away from YOUR family and friends. Even if your husband says now that you could move back to the uk, you may not want to move them away from their father/ friends.

Why does he now want to move?
I was stuck in another country with kids when my marriage failed- I was very, very lucky that I had just qualified in a career I love, but it has been hard. I look back now and realise how vulnerable I was.
There’s no way I would go unless you set up some rock solid security for yourself re job/ training / professional re validation if needed etc.

Also, I would scrutinise your relationship now. If he doesn’t help around the house/ with baby/ doesn’t prioritise your relationship now- those things will get maximised with the stress of moving etc.

I would never in a million years put my child in an American school.

Ew no. Its like an American Scarborough

Maybe not with her children know if her husband didn't want to leave.