Please talk to me about low confidence and imposter syndrome

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I have an interview at a company where all their staff are highly accomplished professionals who have worked and lived all over the globe. It’s a huge pay jump and probably my last opportunity to pursue a well paid career. I wouldn’t have had this without an introduction, as comparatively, I’ve achieved very little. I recognise that I have some desirable skills and that I’m a diligent and hard worker but I’ve only ever done lowish paid roles.

I feel overwhelmingly anxious to the point I feel sick and can’t eat, my heart is pounding all the time, I can’t settle, rest or sleep properly. It’s bringing up really strong feelings of self-loathing; my inner critic is doing its worst.

This is before I even know the date of the interview. And if I get it, I’m going to feel imposter syndrome with the resultant anxiety. I have the urge to back out and stick to my easy but unsatisfying job. But, this could change everything if I could just muster some self belief and confidence.

How do you deal with imposter syndrome and bad interview anxiety please?

Watching with interest

Fake it ‘til you make it! It’s the only way to deal with imposter syndrome. X

Assume that they're all chancers. You know your stuff, they just sound like they do. They need you.

Honestly? I don’t think imposter syndrome ever goes away. I think I’ve just slowly realised that everyone else is bullshitting and making it as they go along!

I have it now, I have moved to a new roll at work and I feel like I don't deserve to be there.

You wouldn't have an interview if you didn't have a chance at being able to do the job. The person wouldn't gave introduced you and put their reputation on the line without having confidence in you.

You have the chance as being being one of those highly accomplished professionals you describe - grab the opportunity, what have you got to lose?

Looking at your post,the language you use about yourself is so negative. Interviews are all about bigging yourself up. Practice, practice, practice and talk about your positive points lots.

This really resonates with me this week @Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair

The constant doubting of yourself & capabilities is exhausting. I have no idea how to offload, work is really stressful and I've managed to get myself into a job role which I've convinced myself I don't deserve. Decided to by some running trainers this weekend and start pounding the streets in the hope my brain will give me a break, and a bit of physical strength will counteract my mental imposter syndrome. Here's hoping! And hoping you all find something that alleviates it, even if just a little x

Write a list of those desirable skills as well as other things you have going for you, like your work ethic. Repeat it to yourself in the mirror several times and keep doing this each day. You could buy a self-help book about building confidence in the workplace which may have other tips in it like 'faking' confident body language which can lead to real confidence. When the negative voice comes into your head recognise it as imposter syndrome, tell it to stop and repeat your list of good points to yourself. It can also help to have a simple mantra like 'I will do my best today, and that will be good enough' or something. It should get better with time 🙂

Also I agree with pp that working on a different skill outside work can help boost your confidence overall and put things in perspective. Running, yoga, tennis, knitting, DJ mixing... Whatever you like really

I agree with this.

It isn't that you need to believe more in your own amazingness, it is that you need to understand they are not amazing either.

There are very few genuinely amazing people, just ordinary people getting up and dealing with what is put in front of them.

A lot of lower paid jobs require just as many skills, sometimes more important ones. The obvious example is care worker to people with advanced dementia. Paid fuck all, requires huge amounts of compassion, patience, ingenuity to be done well. I would personally find it simpler to chair the board than do that.

Good luck!

Yeah. I agree.

This is a huge part of my life. Your anxiety sounds bad (mine is too) try beta blockers. Propanalol will temove the physical symptoms of anxiety so you will come across less nervous in the interview.

I battle imposter syndrome daily. Even now 20ish years later and I am in senior managmenet.
a mentor I had once showed me this TED talk and I use it all the time. I hope it helps and Good luck with your interview!!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=RVmMeMcGc0Y

It’s bringing up really strong feelings of self-loathing; my inner critic is doing its worst.

OK, so what's happening here is that because conscious you is saying you've only got the interview because of the introduction, that you'll be terrible, etc, subconscious you is saying;

"Wow - this is a big deal and she's really scared so we need to swerve this one by all and any means; dial up the self hate, the anxiety and if all that fails we'll arrange a tummy bug or a lost voice on the day itself."

Remember the subconscious wants you to be happy and as far as it's concerned this is definitely not making you happy.

This video will help you understand what's going on and how to deal with it;

I’m an author who couldn’t ever put myself alongside top authors until I started investigating and realised a) I was using the same writing process as many and b) my books were selling as many as theirs (not regularly mind!!!) if you even considered applying for this, you saw something that set off something in your brain that KNEW you have the ability to do this or at least the possibility of learning. Everyone started somewhere so I know you’re comparing yourself but all that matters is whether you can or not. Nothing to do with the others, who may be amazing at their jobs or may have been right place right time/good at playing the system etc etc.They may even have huge imposter syndrome themselves but are hiding it. Best of luck op!!

I don't think imposter syndrome exists. It's just being nervous when faced with a big challenge - and recognising that you have a LOT of skin in the game - so you're naturally feeling a lot of pressure. As you said, 'It’s a huge pay jump and probably my last opportunity to pursue a well paid career.'

At the end of the day, the company wouldn't waste time on interviewing you if they didn't think they were worth your time, so you must be good - but as you say, they have stellar team members so probably other stellar candidates, too, so who knows what will happen. Either way best of luck and I hope you get it!-and whatever happens you should feel great that you went for it and gave it your best shot.

I wouldn't waste time on thinking about imposter syndrome though, it seems like an unhelpful label (seems like there's a label for everything these days) for a natural level of self-doubt when faced with a challenge.

Firstly, your contact wouldn't have introduced you unless they have confidence that you're suitable. Nobody would suggest an unsuitable candidate, as it makes them look silly.

I recognise that I have some desirable skills and that I’m a diligent and hard worker
This is 90% of what employers want. Just someone who's going to turn up & do the bloody job! Additional skills can be taught, knowledge comes with time in the role.

Finally, the whole purpose of the interview is to assess whether you're suitable. I just been successful at interview & it was ALL soft skills based, a tiny bit about the work I'll be doing - so I'm relying on that to tell me I am capable and I'm what they're looking for.

It brings NGS me a lot of comfort to remember that nerves mean you're outside of your comfort zone - and that's the place where exciting things happen. It's where we grow & move forward.

You deserve to do this big thing for yourself. Good luck!

I just realised I wrote roll instead of role.
I've cried and cried today. I've literally been on the job 1week and I am getting pulled into hourly business meetings everyday, I'm trying to learn the processes and contacts. I'm trying to build my daily task structure and new routine yet I'm constantly getting work thrown at me. I can't manage it until I've figured out what is going to work tracking wise ( in-house recruitment role) I feel sick with stress.

Same here.

I always assumed I was far shitter than all the very polished men I work with. It’s only dawned on me in my 40s that I’m far more capable and get just as good results as they do. I just don’t shout loudly enough about my achievements whereas they bang on about themselves at any opportunity!

Remembering that others are often full of shit has really helped my imposter syndrome!

Don't go into it thinking "this is my last chance of a good career". Apart from probably not being true it absolutely won't help.

I just want to say thank you so much everyone, this has all helped massively. I really appreciate you sharing your own experiences, especially where you’ve come to recognise your attributes. I found that really empowering. Both videos were great! I’ve been pulling power poses all day

The interview was today. It seems like an amazing place to work and my interviewers were friendly and put me at ease. Of course now thinking of everything I should have said but didn’t! The adrenaline is still going - anyone got tips for calming the fuck down please? I might get out for a walk, see if that helps.

@Lndnmummy, thanks for the suggestions. I’ve often thought about addressing my anxiety but I feel like anxiety is half my personality and I don’t know who I’d be if I was cool, calm and collected (on the inside, I manage to keep it together on the outside). It’s what drives me to do things and do them well so it comes in handy sometimes?

@Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair I really feel for you, it sounds so challenging. Could you speak to your supervisor about a more realistic induction schedule? It sounds like they’re throwing too much at you at once.

I feel for you, OP.

I agree with those who say that it never goes away. Well done for pushing through and doing the interview anyway. A walk sounds like a great way to unwind.

On paper, I'm probably one of those "high fliers" that make you feel so inadequate. I have high level professional qualifications, lots of global experience, a job title that suggests that I really ought to know what I'm doing. And on the outside, I think that's probably what I project. Inside, I'm full of fear and self doubt, though. I think it's really common, especially for women - even women in executive positions.

I'm currently working on how I can be more authentic in work. How I can show that vulnerability to help others in my team see that it's totally normal to feel like that, without losing all credibility in the process. I haven't figured it out yet, but believe me, it isn't just you!

And yes, sometimes I think the anxiety and fear of not being good enough is actually what drives me to succeed and achieve, so it has its uses. You just need to learn to put it back in its box when you've finished with it.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves - please have a look at the video I posted up thread. It will help you.

Thank you @Eyesopenwideawake. I will watch it.