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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I overreacting?

38 replies

Butterfly008 · 02/02/2023 21:50

Hi

I'm not sure if I'm being too sensitive and overreacting.

I've been with my partner for about a year and a half. Things are good- we have the odd fights etc verbal but normal and things are going well.

Hes started a uni course in Septemer (he's 35 and I'm 34) and he's made friends with a female girl around 20 something in the course. The girl is engaged and getting married. They text every few days about stuff they're doing and uni things- she helps him out with writing essays etc.

The other say she messaged him talking about going to the gym and not wanting to at 6am and said she's chubby.

She then sent him two photos. One of her looking really slim in a bikini and another of her now (she's like a size 10/12) with a very low cut top. Both photos my partner made a comment and said something along the lines that 'he'd have abit of that' to the first one and a similar comment that he'd still have abit of that to her current photo. She responded with smile heart emoji and called him a cutie and she said shes not good looking and he said something like beauty is the eyes of the beholder etc. He then said something like are you my uni wife now aswell as my bestie. A day or so later he messaged her saying 'hi wife.'

I feel a tad upset over this. He says it's just harmless banter but I would never talk to another guy like thay albeit a friend.

He thinks I'm overreacting he loves me and it is literally just banter.

Please any thoughts? Perspective?

OP posts:
Kitcaterpillar · 02/02/2023 21:52

Come on, mate. Read it back.

Of course you're not over-reacting.

Dragonsandcats · 02/02/2023 21:53

You are not overreacting

lifeinthehills · 02/02/2023 21:53

Now, they're starting to cross lines. This has the potential to slip into an emotional affair to start with.

JorisBonson · 02/02/2023 21:54

His arse would be out the door in a heartbeat.

Dacadactyl · 02/02/2023 21:56

Urgh.

You can do better.

Get rid of him.

You are not overreacting.

Tothemoonandbackx · 02/02/2023 21:57

How did you have access to all these messages??

RealBecca · 02/02/2023 21:57

Save yourself his excuses and move on.

Dacadactyl · 02/02/2023 21:59

Tothemoonandbackx · 02/02/2023 21:57

How did you have access to all these messages??

Does it matter?

ShirleyPhallus · 02/02/2023 21:59

What a prick

DestinysGrandchild · 02/02/2023 21:59

Good god get rid.

PinkiOcelot · 02/02/2023 21:59

Not over reacting at all.

She’s fishing for compliments and he’s dishing them out.

Igotthegoose · 02/02/2023 21:59

This is not just a bit of banter sorry OP. You can do better

WhineWhineWINE · 02/02/2023 22:00

No. Not acceptable at all.

TheShellBeach · 02/02/2023 22:01

He sounds awful.
Kick him to the kerb.

WaltzingWaters · 02/02/2023 22:02

Definitely not overreacting

pictoosh · 02/02/2023 22:02

Pffft no. It's blatant. He's a gaslighting wanker btw.

LightSpeeds · 02/02/2023 22:02

I'm sure her fiancé wouldn't be too happy with those messages either.

He sounds like an insensitive, disrespectful arse. Tell him to go have a piece of his new uni wife (i.e. fuck right off).

MissMogwai · 02/02/2023 22:03

He's taking the piss - banter indeed!

How would he react if the shoe was on the other foot?!

Get rid. It will only get worse.

BridieConvert · 02/02/2023 22:04

Nope. Get him in the bin.

FenghuangHoyan · 02/02/2023 22:04

He crossed the line at the "I'd have a bit of that" comment. Everything after that was just further evidence. He's the older person in their "relationship" so he should be the more mature and stopping it getting out of hand, but he's doing just the opposite.

GlassBunion · 02/02/2023 22:06

He's already a goner, just lock the door behind him.

Fladdermus · 02/02/2023 22:07

You're underreacting if anything. I'd go absolutely flipping nuts if my DH were messaging another woman like that.

JudgeRudy · 02/02/2023 22:08

I'm pretty liberal with a high jealousy threshold. I wouldn't like this at all.

Statistically mature HE and access course student are at high risk for relationship breakdown. If someone's going to uni in their 30s they've made a concerted effort to change their lives. He's now clicked with someone else who's feeling the same. Maybe thst change includes you.
If you see your relationship heading this way, stay in control. If it needs to end you do it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/02/2023 22:12

Severely under reacting.

Goldandpurplezebra · 02/02/2023 22:12

Banter?! That's not banter. Banter is telling your lad friends that their mum is fat.

What sort of fights do you have?