It is my Birthday today, 34. I feel so sad that I have got to this age and have nothing to show for it. No partner, no friends and no children and a job that I only just about like.
So not to drip feed, my long term partner passed away suddenly nearly two years ago. Since then it has been so hard to move on. On one hand I can not begin to imagine being with someone else but on the other hand I know that if I want any of the above things I have to let my barrier down and try to live my life again.
All my friends are all in serious long term relationships with children and as much as I hate to admit it I am jealous of the lives they have. They were all there so much for me through the hardest time of my life but they have all moved on and not available so much.
I had planned a night out with two of my friends for my birthday and they have both cancelled and it has made me feel so worthless. I do not have anyone to go for a meal with, a drink with or on Holiday with. So them cancelling today on my birthday just feels so sh*t and unfair.
I now want to step away and have no contact with them both for a while to see if they will even contact me. AIBU to feel like this or am I just feeling extra sad and emotional today as it is more obvious than a normal day.