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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I just want to hold my newborn

28 replies

soundsbad · 02/02/2023 11:34

I feel like I get stolen moments with my newborn where I can actually hold them but they're just constantly having to be put down in their moses basket because my 3 year old is struggling a bit with the adjustment and wants attention. I don't begrudge the time with my 3 year old as I know they need me I just feel sad that I'm missing out on newborn cuddles. I feel like aside from breastfeeding he's just constantly being left to his own devices whilst I entertain my older child. If I try and hold baby whilst playing with my older child they get jealous and start being a bit rough and getting on top of baby whereas if baby is in the Moses basket next to us 3yo loses interest.. Sad

OP posts:
LadyRoughDiamond · 02/02/2023 13:32

DS2 was prem and just 4lbs when he came home from hospital. I used a jersey fabric Moby sling - it’s the sort of thing that regularly comes up on resale sites (Mummy’s Gin Fund on FB was great for this if you’re anywhere near South London)

ArDi · 02/02/2023 13:34

Validate their feelings, give the feelings a name (people who don't have the words to explain how they feel struggle to deal with their feelings) and reassure them that you are still their Mummy and still love them just as much. I also think that managing the relationship between your children is even more important than managing your relationship with each of them.

My son was 19 months when my daughter was born, and he struggled to accept that I was cuddling someone else. He constantly clamoured for my attention whenever I had to attend to her. About 4 months in (so he was only 24 months-ish, I had a chat with him where I acknowledged he was feeling pushed out by the new baby, but it didn't mean I loved him any less, and that I had enough love and cuddles for both of them.
Now, bearing in mind his age at the time, I wasn't sure he would understand me at all, but it dramatically changed his behaviour around me and the baby - he stopped kicking off every time I picked her up.
I also took a lot of time teaching my children that they were to love each other. I would not tolerate fighting, jealousy, selfishness or anything like that - their job was to be each other's champion no matter what. I remember once I was telling one of the children off and the other one piled in and started telling them off too. I turned to the second child and said "Your job is to stick up for your bro/sister, not to join in with me. You should always be on each other's side".

My two are teens now and I often hear them saying "love you" to each other before they go their separate ways to school. 😍

But I remember that first year as being so hard. I felt guilty that the older one no longer had me all to himself, and I felt guilty that the younger one had never had me all to herself. When I spent time with one I felt guilty for the other, and when I was with both I felt guilty nobody was getting one-to-one time. So working on making a lovely bond between the siblings was one way I helped myself see the whole thing in a more positive light. Siblings can be each other's best friend for a lifetime, if you get the dynamic right in the family.

ParentPerson · 02/02/2023 14:09

@ArDi ive screen shotted your response to the OP. This is such great advice and something I want for my children, thank you!

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