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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take DS to the sexual health clinic

14 replies

Mum22222 · 01/02/2023 22:08

... Even though DS is refusing?

DS is 15 (16 in May), he told me a few months ago he thought he was gay, didn't want me to tell anyone else but said a few friends knew.

He's friends with a slightly older boy I don't really like this boy as I think he's not a very good influence on DS, but anyway that's not the point of the thread.

He was upset earlier, and during the conversation he said he and the older boy had sex. He then said that it was unprotected as the boy told him they didn't need one as they're both male and that the boy tells him about girls he's had sex with but doesn't know if he uses a condom with them so was worried about having an STI

I mentioned that I could take him to a sexual health clinic to which he refused as it's ‘embarrassing’ and said he didn't want to get his friend into trouble (as DS is legally under the age of consent and the other boy isn't) as it was consensual.

WIBU to take him anyway?

OP posts:

HairyKitty · 01/02/2023 22:09

Well at 15 years it will be literally impossible to take him if he refuses. You need to
persuade, insist, bribe, whatever you can to get him there.

Augend23 · 01/02/2023 22:11

It's not going to be much use if he won't go in will it?

Might be worth reassuring him that they won't be interested in the age of his partner, I'm pretty sure that's not a question they ask.

Most places now will do sexual health screening via a posted kit to your house, that might be an option? You can usually find it on the local sexual health website.

daisytumble · 01/02/2023 22:11

There are so many of these threads lately, just with some minor details ie age changed each time. Is it the same OP?

Dacadactyl · 01/02/2023 22:14

daisytumble · 01/02/2023 22:11

There are so many of these threads lately, just with some minor details ie age changed each time. Is it the same OP?

I wondered the same.

starbaby · 01/02/2023 22:35

Google sexual health tests by post. Dead easy and anonymous and fast results

Tinyant · 01/02/2023 22:43

Augend23 · 01/02/2023 22:11

It's not going to be much use if he won't go in will it?

Might be worth reassuring him that they won't be interested in the age of his partner, I'm pretty sure that's not a question they ask.

Most places now will do sexual health screening via a posted kit to your house, that might be an option? You can usually find it on the local sexual health website.

They will definitely ask the age of the partner

Tinyant · 01/02/2023 22:44

Should have continued my reply by saying if there is a huge age gap there would be concern but if for example he is 16/17 and your DS is 15 this wouldn’t be a concern. They will not be interested in details or getting anyone in trouble.

AdelaideRo · 01/02/2023 22:45

They will ask about partner age but if there isn't a big age gap it won't be an issue.

JudgeRudy · 02/02/2023 02:12

YAnBU to suggest your son gets a check up and sexual advice
YABU to think you should be taking him....unless he's requested that I can't think of anyone I'd rather not have there less (nan and dad maybe)

JudgeRudy · 02/02/2023 02:15

starbaby · 01/02/2023 22:35

Google sexual health tests by post. Dead easy and anonymous and fast results

@starbaby can you get a thorough check up through the post now?. I thought that was just chlamydia and HIV.

Bizzyone · 02/02/2023 02:23

@JudgeRudy Depends on area I think but in our area they do full screening via post (swabs, urine, finger prick blood card) so its great for embarrassed teens (or adults i guess!) Who otherwise might not attend a clinic. I would always recommend an in person visit but postal definitely if not :)

2023pending · 02/02/2023 02:57

Is this an online pervert or troll coming on with these near identical threads cos this is the 3rd one I’ve seen in 2 days

Namenic · 02/02/2023 06:22

In person would be better. Wouldn’t he feel relieved to get checked out? He can also find out what to do if a condom breaks - he can have post exposure prophylaxis (which reduces chance of transmission IF the other person is hiv positive - but needs to be taken within 48hrs to work).

but at home option (if from a reputable source) is better than no screening.

NumberTheory · 02/02/2023 06:32

Not sure how you would be able to take a 15 year old if he refused to go. The key is to convince him.

Here’s what I would do with mine: Sit down with him and talk, very candidly, about sex not being a game. That if he finds sexual health clinics too “embarrassing” he’s indicating that he isn’t mature enough to have sex. That the reason there’s an age limit is because there are a bunch of things you need to be able to handle for sex to be, generally, a good thing in your life. I’d go over all the safe sex stuff in a fairly clinical way (which isn’t to say you can’t have the odd joke if he’s responsive to that, but make sure you aren’t fudging anything). And I’d include stuff on him saying “No.” and how to get out of situations he isn’t comfortable with. Then I’d give him a day or two before telling him again that he needs to go to the clinic. I might have already booked the appointment for him, depending on how I think he’d take that.

Teens often take time to come around, but they generally want to learn how to handle things.

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