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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not have the mental energy for needy friend

4 replies

Unsurefriend1983 · 01/02/2023 20:58

Feel guilty writing this and il probably get trolled but after people's thoughts.
My single friend hates her job but won't get another one. I feel a lot of this is down to not having confidence. It always negatives such as how she couldn't do such and such a job as she wouldn't be able to use the tills, etc. She says She can't use computers. She's mid 30s though so I just think people expect you to be able to use technology and that this isn't a good enough reason to not get a job.
She asks for help doing a cv but think she actually expects me to write the whole thing out for her. I suggested to her to write some notes and put her jobs in order chronologically as a start to putting a cv together but she just changed the subject! She works part time and I think a lot of it is that she has too much time on her hands and no hobbies. I get constant texts moaning about work and bitching about people. Half the texts are just her inane thoughts. I love her but feel mentally drained at times.
I work part time but am in every day. My day to day is school run. Come back eat somethin and try and do some jobs then go to work come back try to do a little more housework and lunch in the space of 40 mins then pick the kids up. Then the chaos we all know of teas, homework, baths beds etc. My son has autism so am dealing with a lot of melt downs from him and constantly referring between both kids while trying to get everything sorted. Hubby has to commute to work so doesn't always get in til 7.
I know I'm not the only one and life's full on for all of us but because of this I feel I don't have the mental energy for my friend. The constant texts, the moaning, the feeling she wants my help for everything (like sorting a new internet contract and sorting car insurance) and can't do anything herself. I get really frustrated. How does anyone else deal with these things?

OP posts:
Farindes · 01/02/2023 21:02

You need better boundaries. A bit of advice is fine but why should you be sorting her car insurance and trying to solve her work issue?? She's a grown woman. As for the moany texts, I'd ignore them and make it clear you won't engage - she only behaves how you allow her to behave around you.

ChaToilLeam · 01/02/2023 21:05

Honestly, I couldn’t be bothered with a grown adult being so needy and whiny. Can you mute her messages and only look at them once a day or every other day? And don’t offer to help her with things. She’s a grown woman. And you are busy enough as it is.

Bubblebubblebah · 01/02/2023 21:15

Both above are absolutely correct ideas.

I had very draining friend and I had to lower ontact then stop because it was just so emotionally draining. All the moaning, the lack of any action as soon as I wouldn't do it.
I am sure she is still filling up her name on that uni application she started 7+ years ago but I didn't want to write a statement or look for access courses with her (that meant me finding it)... The boyfriend moans, work moan, other friends moans....

Everyone has a limit and sometimes we have to be harsh to preseve our own sanity.

ScroogeMcDuckling · 01/02/2023 21:28

My DH calls people like that vampires - if you let them - they suck the life out of you.

just set her on your phone to silent, and then call her for a catch up a few days later, then another few days

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