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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Painted myself into a corner

20 replies

Holasoleil · 01/02/2023 18:58

Long story short:

Teach at international school abroad. My job enables my children to go for free. Local education system not good.

Work is getting harder and harder. In tears every day. Feel am close to breaking down. But if I leave then my children have to leave too and go into troubled local school

What do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Holasoleil · 01/02/2023 19:33

Vote says I am 100% unreasonable. Is that unreasonable to stay or unreasonable to go? Many thanks

OP posts:
TangledWebOfDeception · 01/02/2023 19:36

I expect that person is one of those who don’t like questions in AIBU that aren’t actually asking whether or not you’re being unreasonable.

It sounds an awful situation, I can understand why you feel trapped. Do you have to stay in that country?

Dontsparethehorses · 01/02/2023 19:37

I think you need to clarify what you want people to answer eg. AIBU to leave despite children having to go to inferior school?

RhiWrites · 01/02/2023 19:37

Is it better for your children to go to a good school but have a Mum who’s breaking down? Surely not.

But are there any other options than quitting? Can you access therapy? A mentor?

TangledWebOfDeception · 01/02/2023 19:38

Yes and you might need to explain what makes the school/education system troubled/not good.

Ponderoveryonder · 01/02/2023 19:52

Perhaps can you elaborate on what the problems are at your international school ?
Are you a single parent and therefore main breadwinner aswell?( I realise international fees are extortionate).
what are the problems with the local system and how old are the children?

Atethehalloweenchocs · 01/02/2023 19:57

To be fair it is hard to have an opinion on this? Everyone has times they hate their jobs, but we have to do them anyway. Or are you being bullied or mistreated? Is it something you can fix?

RedCatWhoGotTheCream · 01/02/2023 19:57

Could you move to a different country or back home?

TangledWebOfDeception · 01/02/2023 19:59

Also, is paid time off for stress a feasible option? It might help you to have some distance so you can evaluate what would be the best course of action.

MrsMikeDrop · 01/02/2023 20:02

Well you have two choices, neither is right or wrong

Original poster
Holasoleil · 01/02/2023 20:03

Must stay here as children's and husband's home country. Children are 8 and 6. Yes all jobs can be difficult, will pull myself together.

OP posts:
ItsNotReallyChaos · 01/02/2023 20:04

What about the job is driving you to feel so awful? Are they things that could ever change?

Could you possibly afford to send your kids to the school if you didn't work there?

TangledWebOfDeception · 01/02/2023 20:05

Ah @Holasoleil pulling yourself together won’t work. If you’re crying daily/feeling close to breakdown then you need help to sort it out, otherwise it will likely only get worse.

Can you explain what it is that’s making it hard for you?

HeddaGarbled · 01/02/2023 20:10

Get a different job; you and your husband pay for children to continue attending school?

teddibear · 01/02/2023 20:13

TangledWebOfDeception · 01/02/2023 19:38

Yes and you might need to explain what makes the school/education system troubled/not good.

Question that may or may not be helpful: could you be catastrophising about the state of the local education system? Would it be helpful to do a bit more research to decide if it really is off the table entirely?

DH is British so I'm frequently exposed to the British expat circle in my home country. Hearing them talk, you'd think public housing here is a poverty warzone, and state schools are sweatshops. 🙄

In truth, 80% of the population here lives in public housing that's clean and safe and downright luxurious inside. I attended a state school with low/no fees myself, very much enjoyed the creative curriculum, and went to Oxbridge (where I met DH).

I'm definitely not saying you're a snob but sometimes we just absorb what we're told. International schools are also known to be very snobby places.

Otherwise, if it really is that bad, I wonder if remote or home schooling is at all an option? I was listening to a podcast the other day about an online UK school for homeschooling/international kids that offers remote and flexible learning. There's apparently a real sense of community and learning. It's aligned to all the usual national exam standards and timelines.

DNBU · 01/02/2023 20:23

Atethehalloweenchocs · 01/02/2023 19:57

To be fair it is hard to have an opinion on this? Everyone has times they hate their jobs, but we have to do them anyway. Or are you being bullied or mistreated? Is it something you can fix?

This is not true - i’ve never cried everyday or felt on the verge of a breakdown at work.

BeginningBridge · 01/02/2023 20:35

Could you reduce your hours? Having a more balanced life may make the stress of your job more bearable.

Flowersintheattic57 · 01/02/2023 20:37

Are you physically well op? Do you have good energy when you wake up, eat well, sleep well? Do you need a check up?
If you feel that you are well in yourself, then it is the job that does not suit you for whatever reasons and is demoralising you.
I don’t know if that is helpful, but I think it’s a good starting point.

VladmirsPoutine · 01/02/2023 20:37

What is causing you this amount of stress? Colleagues? Work load? Atmosphere? If you give a bit more info it would help with advice.

Calmdown14 · 01/02/2023 21:14

How much longer will your children be there?

Is there any option to drop hours or responsibility that might make it more manageable? Could you afford a drop in salary? Do others work part time/job share?

Something you dislike is easier when your weeks are shorter

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