Am I being Petty?

[Lisa2023]

Ok so I need some opinions please as I'm not sure if I'm being petty or if I'm doing the right thing.
I live with my ex and we're currently selling the house -the relationship between us in volatile and controlling.
We have a dog and I've been coming home at lunches to let him out etc and the plan was we were going to share him.
The ex has now said out of spite that he's taking him when the house is sold because he looks after him better and I neglect him (this isn't true) he's just bitter because I'm standing my ground about not getting back together.
I've said in which case you can take full responsibility for him - you can come back at lunches and organise cover for when you're away. I love my dog very much but I don't feel like I should be used and then he takes him away from me. I feel he needs to learn how much I actually looked after him and the responsibility that comes with it.
Need some opinions please

Not sure why you have conceded even this much.

Who owns the dog?

Who owns the dog is an important question.

Who paid for it or signed adoption documents?
Whose name is the pet registered in at the vets?
Whose name is the microchip registered in?

If your name is on all of those documents then you need to get hold of them and store them safely then take the dog when you leave.

will he do this though? you need to think of the dog... just because your ex is being an arse doesn't mitigate the dogs needs... assume once you're in new properties and he has the dog all the time he will sort....

Oooh, this is a tough one. I see your point entirely but it's the dog who will potentially suffer. Do you trust your ex to properly see to your dog? If not, much as it would stick in my craw I'd still carry on as you are. It's not for your ex's benefit, it's for your dog's wellbeing.

How can your ex just make a blanket decision that he's taking the dog anyway? Why would he have better claim to the dog? I feel for you, OP. I have a dog too and love him very much.

Agree with all of this.

So the dog is jointly owned - we both paid for him and we both pay 50/50 for his food/insurance , he's under my name at the vets and his name on the microchip.

I'm 100% for my dogs welfare but he is so controlling that he's using this to control me.

Has he said he will come at lunch time and feed and walk the dog? What happens if he doesn't? You can't make him and surely you don't want the dog to suffer?

So, the dog is half yours. Why agree that your ex can have him even if he comes back at lunch? Just say no, or do you feel you can't do that? (I note you describe the relationship as controlling. Do you have to stay in the house while it is sold? I'd be tempted to get out and take the dog with you.)

Just let him have the dog. If you agree to any kind of dog-sharing agreement, it will keep this man in your life. You can always get another dog.

Controlling ex is still trying to control. This is a hard one, I would consider leaving before house sale and taking the dog with me. See what he does then and how far he wants to take this.

The other option is he takes sole responsibility now, but again, I would leave, and he has to care for the dog. But do welfare checks and report to RSPCA if you feel the dog is being neglected. It sounds harsh, but you need a firm line with unreasonable ex's

I think it is petty yes, but more seriously, I think you are throwing petrol onto an already volatile situation. I love my dogs too, but if I was in a volatile situation, I would probably let my DH take them if he wanted. I don’t care who paid for them or who has bought them food. I care about the dogs being happy and cared for and I know they would be with him. And I would also care about not aggravating an already difficult situation.

So what would I do here. I would let him keep the dogs, not least to avoid any ongoing contact with him. But I wouldn’t refuse to feed my dogs in the meantime.

I wouldn't enter into a dog sharing relationship with a controller! I would continue to care for the dog whilst you are under the same roof but on moving day hand him over and say there you go. As sad as it may be to say goodbye to your dog do what you can to have this man out of your life permanently.

You could call his bluff, just because you say you aren’t going to go back at lunchtime doesn’t mean you won’t (thinking of the dogs best interests).

Perhaps the more important thing would be to challenge him on why he gets to make the decision on who gets the dog. I have an ex like this so I understand why it’s not your go to response.

Just make sure in any texts between you that you mention all the things you do, and possibly the things he doesn’t do for the dog.

Is it petty, depends on your point of view? But what’s wrong with being petty now and then? I would personally think this is more about getting him to treat you fairly.

Do not use the dog to prove a point.
It's not his fault.
Already he is left alone all day other than a quick lunch break plus being miserable in a toxic house.
put the poor dog first if you really do love him as much as you say.
whoever can provide love,exercise and time for him the most should have him.
Yabu.