To feel burnt-out, overwhelmed and like I don't want any more commitments, even tiny ones?

[MyKidsThrowFood]

The last 3 years have felt like a lot to me. I feel emotionally and physically exhausted. I've had two babies (during the pandemic), started a new job, found out my dad has a terminal disease, moved cities and moved and renovated houses...And I suddenly just feel like I want to scream NO to every new thing people ask me to do - even if it's something supposedly 'fun', like going on a holiday abroad, it just feels like extra stress I can't handle.
Am I being pathetic? Is this just adult life and I have to soldier on however bad it feels? Or do I just need to take things easy for a bit until life settles down? Or do I need to medicate ?

Sounds like you need a complete rest. That's fine - and normal after such a crazy time!

YANBU.

I stopped going abroad on holiday when I had two little ones. I couldn't be bothered with the hassle for so little reward. Nights out used to stress me out all week until they were over, although I am glad I made myself do a few things like that. Start saying No to 50% of things asked of you and see how you feel.

You are not being pathetic.

You are describing total mental exhaustion. It's really important that you try to reduce your mental load. Say NO to everything. Do not feel bad about it or allow anyone to bully you.

It's good that you are able to recognise that you are at your limit.

Try to put your needs first (I know that's easier said than done).

Phrases like:
"I am not able to take on anything else right now."
"I don't want to make any arrangements right now."
"I'm taking some time out right now."
"Let me get back to you about that another time."

Stop answering your phone and answering messages.

Look after yourself.

Op you have had a hell of a lot on your plate and it is ok to say no without having to give an explanation for not wanting to do the 'fun' things. I've turned down invites to family birthdays, communions and confirmations in the last year and it was a great relief to not have to rock up with the happy face on and pretend everything was ok.

Please don't burn yourself out its no fun trust me.

Take a rest and don't best yourself up. I had one baby in the pandemic and it broke me. It was so hard and so lonely. We were also looking for a house during my pregnancy and eventually postponed until after birth as I was so overloaded and burnt out. Working from home, with a toddler and 24/7 nausea was my life for most of 2020. Plus worrying about our living situation as we lived in a property we had outgrown. Didn't know where to move to or if we could actually afford anything bigger. Then my husband left a very stable job for a bit of a wild card ( it's worked out but I wasn't convinced it would).

You have been through a lot. It's not surprising you are bunt out. People burn out for less. Can you get signed off for a few weeks? That might help.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. That's especially tough.

I have been diagnosed with gastroenteritis. Have been so unwell for days. Have been signed off by doctor until next week Wednesday. I have the most terrible guilt about the students if I am not there. Been in my job for 18 years. Really deprived area. Form class really mixed. Some very vulnerable students. Really worried about them. WWYD

@AmandaHoldensLips that’s great advice and I have screenshot the phrases to use myself, thank you! I am feeling very much the same since things started getting busier again after lockdowns. Considering what you have experienced these last few years it’s not surprising you feel overwhelmed!

Even fun stuff just feels like something to stress about. I’ve found I’ve isolated myself from some people now because I can’t face socialising sometimes, but actually being more choosy about who I spend time with has been really useful, I deleted WhatsApp and Facebook etc and that has been very good for lessening the incoming stuff.

Take your time, give yourself a break and do things you enjoy only. I hope you are ok as that is a lot to deal with.

Thank you.

I know it is my problem. I think I need to help them. They are great but sometimes circumstances dictate.

Sorry about your dad. That’s going to be crap whatever you do.

I felt the same as you after some really hard years at work. Just couldn’t give a toss about anything at the end even fun stuff.
What’s really been helping is just listening to what I want to do and doing that instead.
So I quit my job. Just lived off my last pay cheques for two months doing absolutely nothing at all. Went for a crap MW job and love it. Zero stress lots of perks. Got a second job which is working out better than expected.
I’ve started writing. Got a story published in a magazine. Only silly and anyone could do it but cheered me up.
Gone out for drinks with old friends instead of putting them off because it’s effort. So much fun and easier than expected now I’m not stressing about work.

So I’d say just stop doing as much as you can. Find some breathing space to regroup.

That’s quite understandable OP. Britain is so crowded and noisy that everything feels like an effort. If it was calmer and quieter, if there were hardly any cars on the roads, and you had lots of personal space, etc, you’d probably feel stronger and better able to cope. People today have no time to recover from things.

Thank you everyone. Really helpful to know I'm not the only one going through this and I'm not losing my mind.
Thank you @AmandaHoldensLips for those phrases. They're what I need I think.

I think it's hard having a parent who is unwell plus two little ones. I don't know how to balance the needs and demands of my dad vs my kids and my mum gets very upset whenever I don't put dad first but realistically my youngest isnt even 12 months yet so it's impossible.

@TaraRhu that sounds so similar to what we went through too! Awful not being happy in your living situation with a little one in the pandemic!

I know what you mean, I said to somebody the other day that I feel like I'm 'full.' The phrases are a good idea, I just need to stick to them!

I went to work and felt really unwell. I think now in my life work defines me. I feel I am nothing without it. Do not know when I got to that stage.

I speak to parent's that are really struggling. So are the kids. I have spent so much money getting them food. I do not care about that. I am just really worried they will be alright,