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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Critical mother.

3 replies

TapRab · 31/01/2023 21:27

Hope everyone is well.
I have recently realised my mother has been criticising everything I do. She is not satsisfied and always seems to show me her disappointment. I did not realise until she travelled abroad. She asked me to send her stuff over, I did and the first thing she said was "I asked for 60+ age cream not 40" I said well that was what you asked for and the cream means 40 max not age.
She said the scarves I sent were poor quality and I am like my dad who was known to be very stingy.

Months before, she made me make a chocolate piece for my brother's stag. She paid for it but I spent the time and effort constructing it and she looked at it with such dissatisfaction! Saying the other girls was nicer.
Today I am upset because she has travelled home from abroad and she had a long flight so I said I would cook for her. It's only fair. I cooked and travelled down with my children.
It was so good to have her back but she sat down and ate and I could feel the negative energy. She was criticising the food with her body language! She also said why did I make so much thank you.
She called today and she said "don't take this the wrong way but why do you cook so badly!" I said well I do cook a lot richer than you but my husband loves it and I can only cook for us as a family. If he isn't satisfied then it's pointless really. She then had to process her thoughts, she said I understand. She said I ate it today but it didn't hit the spot. I don't have the energy to cook otherwise I would. She also added her daughter in law cooks the same but her has somewhat flavour!
I said well I understand maybe it was rich and oily but everyone else liked it, she said they were making you happy. I said well aren't you happy? She said if the food isn't nice how can someone be happy. I been so down ever since. I have gotten quite close with my mum but I think she has some psychological problem now. Otherwise she is a super mother.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 31/01/2023 21:31

Has this started recently? How was she towards you during your teens?

TapRab · 31/01/2023 21:40

We had a troublesome relationship in my teens. I was not the best daughter but I feel I changed my ways and have settled down and become a decent human. She has started this recently.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 31/01/2023 22:12

Then it could be her age, unfortunately it's easy to get into critical and negative thinking as we age. It sounds as though some cultural expectations are going on which does make things difficult. Otherwise you could gently tell her how she makes you feel.

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