To feel sad I'm giving up my hobby, before it started really?

[Ohreallyreally]

Just wanted to share my self-pity with a bunch of strangers on the internet.

Late 2020 I started picking up ceramics as a hobby, and playing with clay and ending up making really bag mugs and bowls - I loved it! Mid 2021 had enough money spare (thanks lockdown savings) to splash on a kiln to take my hobby into having actual usable items. I fired it once then got pregnant, and couldn't stand the smell of clay whilst pregnant, so didn't do much during pregnancy.

I suffered from bad PND, so a few months after giving birth, my husband kindly bought me a cheap pottery wheel as a way of carving some time out for me to be me, and not just a mom.

However there has been countless reasons why I've not done any since, including:

• I can't look after my child and do this at the same time (I get messy) and don't want my child around the hazardous clay dust or the super messy wet clay. Meaning i need my husband home for me to do it.

• By the time he's home, dinner is cooked, baby bathed and bed, its well past 8pm and I'm exhausted - I have enough energy to read Mn and sleep. Weekends I'm usually catching up on DIY, housework, seeing family, or studying for my degree.

• I'm not very good, and not improving due to lack of practice, which is disheartening.

• The cost to fire the kiln (required twice per set of pieces, for 10 hours+ each time to well over a 1000 degrees) is now around £15 each fire, whereas in 2021 it was £5 if that.

Every time I walk past them it makes me sad - I have visions of me making beautiful dining sets, or mugs, or kitchen utensils, or anything really. But in reality, I've not touched it since early 2021 except for a few dabbles.

Looking forward I just can't see the time to do it, I go back to work full time soon, then next year want to TTC again. My first is hard work so I imagine 2 will be non-stop.

Annoyingly, over mat leave we've accumulated a sizable bit of debt (unexpected bills!) on the credit card, and I've started thinking if I sell the kiln, wheel and glazes I could probably re-coup a bit to pay off some debt (about a third of the debt) so we're more financially stable in this shit economy if our jobs go tits up.

I started taking pictures yesterday of the equipment and I had a little cry whilst doing it, I feel like I'm packing away something I could have been really passionate about, if I had the chance to put the energy to it.

I don't want to sell it in reality, but its literally sitting there not being used, so I feel wasteful leaving it there being taunted by the fact I don't have the time nor the energy to put to it.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for really, maybe to be told that other people have had to sacrifice their potential life hobby for the sake of being a mother, or maybe I'm looking to be told I'm being dramatic and to keep it. I'm not sure - I think I just wanted to have a moan aha - so apologies for the long pointless post I guess.

Not a pointless post at all.

If I were you, I’d be selling but with a clear plan in mind that when your as yet non existent child was 5 years old and in Primary School, another one would be purchased.

The setting up of a plan will hopefully still your saddened heart in the meantime.

That's really shit for you, I'm sorry to hear that. I've pretty much had to give up my hobbies. There are so many things I'd like to start doing again and new things I'd like to try but realistically, I don't have enough time and I definitely don't have enough money. It makes me feel sad, especially when I see pictures of friends on social media doing fun things and seemingly out and about all the time.

Keep it. You clearly don’t want to sell it. You won’t be busy forever. I think the fact the thought of selling it made you cry tells you something.
Don’t worry about being crap. Learning a skill is not a race. Eventually you will get better and then it won’t matter whether you took 6 years or 6 weeks to improve.
If your job does go tits up then at that point you can have another think but it sounds like you don’t need the money urgently.
When you look at it see it as a promise for the future not a failure.

It’s very sad, but I agree life changes and so do hobbies. I liked to knit/crochet, but didn’t get time to do any when I had children and like you any spare moments would be spent on having a nice bath or watching tv. Fortunately I had 2 boys who loved football, both playing and watching, so DH took them and I often had full days at weekends by myself so could get back doing my hobbies in peace.

Can you rent it out for a fire?

Keep it all. You’re in a very tough bit of parenting.. tiny kids, being pregnant and juggling work is exhausting. It won’t be forever. You will get back to it. It will bring you joy again

It's not a pointless post at all. I'm really sorry you feel sad about it all. I don't know whether you should keep it or sell it, but I hope you can get back to it.

i dont think you should sell your equipment. once you get into the swing of parenting 2 children and divide out you and your DHs hobby time, you might be peeved that you let it go.

a few hours once a week or alternate weeks is not too much to ask - if you were triathlon training 4 hours every single Saturday morning, that would be a different story.

It's really important to have a hobby/interest or two to keep your mind busy and away from the grind of parenting and work.

I used to make stained glass windows for a living, then for long winded reasons started doing something else for a reason.

this coincided with having babies.

i optimistically thought I’d keep it up as a hobby. Around my job, sleep deprivation, my two kids, studying to further my new career and house house renovations. My kids are 3 and 5 and I haven’t done ANY stained glass for around 7 years.

im only human. It needs a huge dedicated space and equipment. I didn’t want to do it in the house (lead / fumes / glass) even though we’ve a spare room.

I had terrible angst about it for a long time and, like you, was almost taunted by my equipment…

last year I eventually sold a load of my equipment and sheets of glass , lightbox, and put the money towards things we needed.

honestly it felt like a weight off my mind having it got. My life has moved on and these “traditional crafts” are hugely involved, expensive hobbies that need their own studio. I try and get my creative fix in others ways and focus on the here and now. It really was a relief admitting to myself that I just don’t have the time or means to keep it up.

when my kids are older maybe I’ll take it up again, but maybe I won’t ! Maybe I’ll find something else that makes me happy.

it’s very easy for people to say “don’t give up your hobby! Don’t sell your equipment!” But it’s actually really psychologically complex and sometimes you just need to forgive yourself for being human!

i do enjoy my new job and it suits me much better now , and we have a lovely garden that I tend to which is very rewarding.

good luck deciding what to do xx

*for long winded reasons started doing something else for a living

*it felt like a weight off my mind having it gone

(sorry, it’s been a long day)

@EezyOozy has made a couple of good points - maybe it is time to consider your life without pottery and find a more "pick up and put down" more accessible creative hobby. One that you can dip in and out of?

Is there a pottery studio where you live? Some do sessions where you can do your own thing, use their clay, use their kiln and glazes. They clean up and worry over the kiln instead of you.
If you sell your stuff, it might be an option until your kid is older and you have finished your degree.

No don’t give it up.Life is really tough when it’s just routine work/jobs. It's the creative hobbies that often bring real joy to people and it definitely sounds as though you had found something that really chimes with you. Can DH look after DC every Sat morning if you give him some time to do what he wants e.g. Sat pm? Do family ever look after your DC and give you a break? Instead of doing jobs, get creative and do something you really love with a fantastic outcome.

I like this advice. Of course you could not sell it but if you’re worried about the debt and just can’t carve out the time now pay off a chunk and give yourself a breather to know you’ll get back into it with gusto soon

I do pottery as a hobby and the only way I can make time for it is to have the commitment of a weekly class. I know I wouldn’t bother otherwise. It also solves your problem around clay dust at home, which I know would worry me.

Maybe see if you can get a place in a regular class - the type where you work on your own stuff instead of a set project - and then take a view on keeping the kiln and wheel.

I have a similar hobby and had similar thoughts.

I did keep hold of all my equipment and now they are primary school age I'm back doing loads and really enjoying it.

There's still times when life takes over and I don't get much done for while but now the 'needy toddler' stage is over it's soooo much easier to hop in and out of it.

Dude, don’t feel bad/guilty. I barely have time to read with two young dc/Reno/job/dog. Zero hobbies here. It’s not the best but I’ve just parked that until DC are older.

I was drawn to you saying you feel bad when you see it. In that case I would get rid for now and either buy again in 5/6 years or find something else for your space. Free up your headspace.

I think you should sell. It's sad in one way, and you're allowed to mourn a little, but your life has surely been enriched by the birth of your baby, and now you're planning a second child to expand your little family in the future. There are joys to be had from your children and a new way of living in the future. Our hobbies shouldn't become millstones round our necks. If it isn't giving you joy, just abandon it and you will find something - maybe something much better - to take its place in the future. I have had lots of different hobbies and as I look back, mostly they gave me great pleasure at the time, but I wouldn't want to go back to them now. My life has changed, just as yours is moving into a new chapter. Don't be sad - embrace the future and use the money you raise to help with the debts. It will lighten your load.

Keep it and make the time. Tell your husband that you need x amount of hours at the weekends and take them guilt free. Hobbies are so important for retaining our sense of self as parents. It will give you something to look forward to every week or every second week if that's all you can manage. With the amount of time you will be able to dedicate to it the amount of kiln firings will be minimal and not worth stressing about the cost. Take time in the evenings to plan out what you are going to work on in your free hours to maximise you time when you are actually working with clay.

By the time he's home, dinner is cooked, baby bathed and bed, its well past 8pm and I'm exhausted - I have enough energy to read Mn and sleep.
At some point in the future you may decide to substitute ‘read mn and sleep’ with ‘get moving on ceramics.’ I’m an author, I work a pt/ borderline ft job and have 4 kids, cats and a dog(!) I know how wrecked you can be but at times you may decide to push on and work late into the night. I find time when I can, either getting up early, staying up late, or dh taking the kids for a few hours if I’m not working at the weekend. I sometimes get up at 4 sometimes to write, or stay up until 3 or 4. Not always, of course people need sleep, but I do it sometimes because I need it for me! It was because I heard of an author talking about how many people told her ‘they too would write if they had the time.’ Her answer was ‘you have the same time I do.’ If of course this doesn’t happen, life changes at different stages of your child’s life. There will be a time you will have free time, at the moment your brain just can’t see it. (Ps I know writing is not the same as you have more setting up and clearing away, it’s just the time issue is something that so many people talk about) Best of luck OP!

Don’t sell it!! And don’t feel upset about trying to master a new skill whilst your baby is so little.

I work in a creative job and spoken to so many women who talk about that time being so difficult; for a couple of years it’s a battle give any creative project your full attention for a sustained amount of time (and for a new skill, attend to it regularly enough to master it). Also you’re bloody exhausted!

Trust me - you will start to get back little pockets of time for yourself in the preschooler and school years. Please don’t sell it but maybe put it away for a bit, so it doesn’t upset you.

Op please don't sell it.

It is hard keeping up a hobby when you have a little one I cross stitch and have it sitting beside me every night. Its very time consuming and sometimes I go days without doing any of it.

Please don't be disheartened you need a hobby and something for yourself. I also have a stash of scrapbooking to do and fabric squares to make into a quilt for my eldest I will get round to those things in time.

Don't put pressure on yourself to do your hobby your dh obviously realises it's important for you else he wouldn't have bought you the wheel, get him to mind the little one for a couple of hours Saturday and forget about the cleaning and enjoy your pottery.

I spent many years lamenting my inactivity on 'passions'.

It was only when I found something I really loved and am good at, that I could stop lamenting and start joyfully doing.

If you are not carving out time and you not especially good at it, let it go. You will find your thing, but this isn't it.

Crochet and sewing turned out to be my passions - they are as vital to me as the air that I breathe but it took me a long time to work that out.

Stop doing DIY and use that time for your hobby. Or have a microwave meal or cold dinner once a week and do your hobby as soon as DH gets home and let him do bath. If you drop your domestic/DIY standards you can make time. Absolutely impossible to try and do it in the day though with a baby.