AIBU to ask BIL to leave smelly shoes outside?

[BILShoes]

I have a wonderful BIL. He is a single man in his 30s, very kind, and a fantastic uncle to our children.

He has one flaw… personal hygiene. Most of the time he smells of BO and his shoes particularly are absolutely awful. Last time he stayed over the room stank afterwards for weeks.

I don’t want this happening again, so I have proposed to DH that we ask BIL to leave his shoes outside (undercover, so won’t get wet).

DH thinks this would be rude of us. I think it’s rude to stink out someone else’s house (it’s not deliberate, I think he’s noseblind and can’t smell it).

Who is being unreasonable?

You can't ask him to leave them outside without humiliating him, so up to you how you feel about that I suppose.

I think your husband should have that chat with him. I would hate that in my house. It might be why he's single too!

I agree it's rude but if you wanted to grab them and spray them with some shoe freshener he may never know.

Just tell him he smells and until he gets clean he's not staying. Why would you pretend otherwise? There is zero excuse for bad personal hygiene and your husband is doing him no favours by not speaking out.

We have mentioned it to him multiple times, as has MIL. He acknowledges it but nothing changes 😞

Why don't you pop everyone's shoes (a pair each) outside - then when he pops over, suggest he leaves his shoes with the others? Maybe that you've just cleaned the floor?

Does he have any medical issues that could explain the smell? It's pretty mean of your DH not to give him a heads up about the smell if not, I'd tell my sister she smelt if it would improve her personal hygiene.

This.

I couldn't have someone in my house that stank the place out for weeks afterwards but then neither could my husband.

Then I would be forthright and tell him he stinks, he makes the house stink and he's not welcome again until he gets clean. It's incredibly selfish of him, not to mention totally disgusting.

The problem is that even if he left his shoes outside, his socks would probably stink just as bad!

That’s not a bad plan, thanks!

No medical issues any of us are aware of.

The socks aren’t too bad! It’s because he only has one pair of shoes that he wears to work in a restaurant so they really are something else.

If he’s dirty you’d surely be better off with his shoes on your floors than his manky feet.

We have lovely carpets throughout so don’t allow shoes to be worn indoors.

Get your DH to make him read this, www.nhs.uk/conditions/smelly-feet/ and hand him a bag of foot preparations and send him off to the shower. Plus buy a pair of slippers for when he visits.
You'd be doing him a favour. Its lazy and he hasn't thought about it or doesn't realise what an issue it is.

But the man another pair of shoes for his birthday or Christmas? Does he not have much money?

He has lots of money, and he does own other shoes. He just doesn’t wear them!

Sensory issues or SEN? The lack of bathing and the attachment to the same pair of shoes might suggest he has some other issues going on. I do think you're well within your rights to say he needs to bathe before he comes to your house. That smell is properly grim.