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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is the future bleak for me?

3 replies

Kindnessproject · 31/01/2023 15:20

So things are tough at the moment for a lot of people, me included. I don’t know if I’m being overly pessimistic or not.
I’m a single mum the wrong side of 45. I own a house in a reasonable area (mortgage which is paid off when I’m 62). I have always worked full time but my wage / market rate for my job is pretty stagnant. I have a number of combined pensions which aren’t worth much, taking a big hit with Liz truss budget. My employer are cutting costs and are getting rid of people but mostly through the negative way of giving no work / impossible tasks. Even if I got offered redundancy, it would only be a few months buffer and my employer doesn’t tend to do that anyway. I’ve been looking at alternative roles but not only are they less money, they want new/different skills than I have,(not easy to learn independently/not at a workplace). I think ultimately I will lose my job this year and worry that I am not going to be able to find another one- my skills and knowledge are mainly relating to my current company.
Life is sooooo expensive - I have a strict budget but still spend a lot on heating and food - much more than previously. My mortgage comes off a fixed rate next year and will go up. I’ve cut all unnecessary expenses all that goes out now is :
mortgage, Gas, electric, water, council tax, house insurance, broadband, payg mobiles, tv licence, food/toiletries/household which I’ve down branded or cut down to reduce costs. Also car insurance /car tax/ car mot/fuel. It would be very difficult to not run a car - it would impact my job options a lot, plus any leisure time as limited what’s in walking distance and public transport is patchy, with the trains being very expensive.
With the current cost of living, I could take a £5k pay cut and all the essentials would by covered but any less it would be minus every month. But that still wouldn’t leave any buffer for clothes / shoes / electrical appliance replacement (washing machine, oven etc), house maintenance/ improvement / furnishings, days out / takeaways etc. But I can’t keep changing jobs to get a pay rise (less likely as get older and pension situation) and the highest pay rise I’ve had whilst in a company is 3%. I’m also conscious that I need to save more for my pension but I can’t seem to do the sums to make it happen. I could move to a different (rougher) area and save some difference, but after all the fees, it would not likely be much and would only save about £150 per month on the mortgage. My travel costs would go up for work / insurances. I think my son would be devastated if we moved out of the area and his life chances are much better if we stay here.
Yes I could win the lottery (play 1 line per month), or get offered an amazing job, but I think I’m being realistic when I think the chances aren’t good.
So, it seems I’ve got another 20+ years of slogging it out, just to keep a roof and food, stressing how I’m going to buy new shoes, or other things I can’t do without like washing machine, whilst praying that I don’t get made redundant from any job I have. And that’s not even thinking about what happens after as I calculate my pension won’t cover living expenses even with the mortgage paid off. Hopefully my son will have found a reasonable paying job by then and be living independently so I could sell and move to rough area by myself having the proceeds from the house to support me if I don’t live too long. I’ve thought about working evenings / weekends but the rates are crap and taxed plus I’m knackered / perimenopausal. I’ve thought about learning new skills but nothing really appeals to me apart from unrealistic options like helicopter pilot. I’ve tried to learn coding but it just isn’t for me.

I have no family and do have friends but their circumstances are all different to mine (not saying they have no problems ) . It’s also harder to maintain relationships when watching every penny.

so, is this really it ? :(

OP posts:
Mabelface · 31/01/2023 15:32

What's stopping you from updating your skills? You're certainly not over the hill yet! Despite your thoughts, you will have plenty of transferable skills, you just need confidence in your abilities. For example, if you're in a sales role, you need excellent communication skills. If you take responsibility for a certain task, you evidence that you take ownership and responsibility of your work. If you deal with figures, then you have good financial knowledge, that sort of thing.

I'm 53. Whilst I've been with the same company for 6 years, I've really added to my skill set. I started off as front line in the contact centre and am moving up for the 3rd time next month. I've also done a course through work that's increased my knowledge base. I bet you can offer far more than you think to a new employer. Aim high, don't settle because of your age and current role.

RandomersAssociation · 31/01/2023 15:58

I’ve thought about learning new skills but nothing really appeals to me apart from unrealistic options like helicopter pilot. I’ve tried to learn coding but it just isn’t for me.

This is the crucial bit.

Whatever age your son is, I’m certain you must have some free time? You don’t have to get a second job but you could be studying something to build towards a more comfortable future - whether online or in person.

Why not take a look at some threads on the Mature Study and Retraining board, here:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/mature_students

Even if you don’t find the perfect thing for you, you’ll gain some insight into how to navigate a route …

(Meanwhile, pat yourself on the back. You have a house, a job, relative youth - you have options!)

Kindnessproject · 02/02/2023 18:05

Thanks both, you’ve given me some hope !

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