Daughters dad's wife keeps contacting me!

[Lallyhead1]

My dd dad and myself were together for 6 years, split when she was 2 and he moved to a different country, never saw her again. Never paid maintenance and I never chased it. Anyway dd is now 15, his new wife messaged me asking how dd was, telling me about her husband and the things he still does, gaslighting and generally being a dick.
I said dd doesn't want contact, she doesnt i asked her and she doesnt.
I spoke to his wife she seems nice, end of story, or so I thought
But she keeps texting me, updating me on her life, asking me about dd. I'm not interested, dd is not interested. Should I just ignore her? I feel sorry for her being married to him but really it's not my problem is it?
I just find it bizarre but is it?

I agree with the person who said set up a dedicated email. It may be that she feels terrible that he isnt in contact and is trying to make things right on his behalf- perhaps he's told her he cant bring himself to contact as it's been so long or something. I dont think it comes from a bad place and, although you shouldnt have to deal with it, your dd might want contact further down the line and having emails there might facilitate that.

Maybe I'm weird and seeing something sinister where it doesn't exist, but my first thought was about an old thread on here (years ago) about a step mother who was trying to take over the parenting of the step child. I'd be reluctant to share too much information about my child to a woman who is effectively a total stranger, living in another country and married to a man who has been a complete absent father.

If she's saddled herself with a man who is horrid to her, then she knows enough to leave him - no one else's experience of him is relevant. I can understand her contacting you once to ask for information but she should be upfront about that and not dress it up as interest in your dd.

If this was me I'd say that dd wants no contact and then I'd block her from being able to contact either you or dd - get her to tighten up social media settings.

Just reply once to say "DD wants no contact with ex. I want no contact with ex.
In time, you'll no doubt feel the same." Then block her.

My gut instinct is that she’s isolated with this dickhead. She feels bad about how feckless he is and also is attaching on to you as someone who can understand what she’s trying to live with.
I’d send her an email saying she has your every sympathy, you hope things get better but you don’t wish to have any contact in support of your daughters wishes.

I was kind of in her position and I contacted the ex-wife and it was to have validation that I wasn't mad and that I was being abused as ex had done such a number on me. She sent me a word salad reply which didn't help either way and, understandably, said she couldn't get involved because of her DC with him.

It would have been hugely beneficial for me to have a one liner reply that said something about how fundamentally abusive he is but ultimately I was able to get to that conclusion myself with the support of counselling etc. I understood that she didn't want to get embroiled in what was effectively still his drama when she was on the other side.

I have often thought since that I don't know how I'd respond if his now GF got in touch to ask me my position and I suspect I wouldn't get involved either as my life is so much better with him boxed off into a corner of it. Brutally I don't owe her anything and neither do you owe his now wife anything, your priority should always be yourself and your DD.