To not know how to deal with long term pain

[FeelingSorryForMyself234]

Posting for traffic. I am just looking for advice. Have been dealing with various health issues/injuries for a few years. I'm in some kind of pain or discomfort at any point in the day. I have a great doctor and a great physio. But I'm turning into a real bitch and a bit of a recluse. I just have no patience and dwindling self esteem. I'm exhausted.

I'm putting on weight so none of my nice clothes fit anymore. I've tried to diet but I have so much to deal with,I just can't (I eat very healthy but not a calorie deficit and I'm not as active as I used to be). I'm still a healthy weight but would need an entire wardrobe overhaul now (size 6 to size 10 now). Exercise used to bring me lots of joy but I can't do it anymore. The pain is not going away for a while, I need to decide on surgery but I can't afford the time off (and it's 50/50 whether the surgeries will help). I'm 34 and miserable and full of resentment.

I'm supposed to go on a group holiday soon where I will only be able to so maybe half the activities and I already resent all my friends because I know I'll have days I have to be completely alone. It's fine, I'm fine on my own and I'll find something to do but it doesn't change the fact it's all a bit shit.
I'm normally pretty sociable, active and positive. I just can't find it in me. Help!

You’re not alone.

Chronic pain sucks, and it’s hard to live with for a big range of reasons.

Some practical things:

• active pain management like taking paracetamol as a course rather than just when things hurt
• self care that factors in minimising pain triggers
• buying clothes that work for you now

And emotional things:

• talking with your friends to find things that meet your needs too
• therapy
• meditation

The truth is, it is a bit shit to be in pain a lot. There’s no getting round it.

Where you have a choice is how you navigate that. And that choice is within your power, always.

I’m sending you strength and solidarity right now - awake in the night with pain, busy day ahead, can’t do most of the things I’d like to do while here on a trip with friends, but every day aiming to choose to feel good in the context I have.

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. Seeing as you're already on pain medication and considering surgery, have you tried meditation? It might sound silly if your not familiar with it, but it's proven to help with chronic pain. If you've got Netflix, there's a series called Headspace. The whole series is worth a watch if you're new to meditation and one episode specifically is on managing pain. There are lots of free meditation apps available, and you might even have local group classes.
wishing you the best

Here with you I'm solidarity. 29 years old with arthritis and another illness that causes daily pain. Here are my tips:
Pain relief like you take your vitamins, first thing
Done be scared to get prescription pain relief, although be careful how you take it
Manage daily activities that trigger things. For example I have an active job but can't do more than 3 - 4 hours per day of it or I can't walk later on.
Manage stress as this makes things worse.
Heat packs and hot watter bottles.

I used to be very sad and emotional a lot wondering why I live like this at 29. Now I accept the pain as part of who I am, it doesn't define me but it won't beat me.

I'd suggest speaking to the GP but of you're under 60 then they don't seem to be able to help.
You can do it x

I've been there, it's as though you don't recognise yourself. I was shocked at how badly I coped with long term 24/7 intense pain, wondered if it highlighted some poor character traits. It was only when I was pain free that I realised that I'd actually coped very well, considering!!

As a previous poster said, meditation helped me at points when I became overwhelmed with the pain. I'd listen to a ten minute audio on YouTube that talked through a relaxation. Stopped the panic in my body to the pain, although not the pain itself.

The social isolation/withdrawal is hard. You can't explain to anyone just how much pain you're in, all the time, as they'd be horrified, so it's easier to withdraw. I felt people either tried to brush off my pain or believed they could cure it by suggesting something simple (which infuriated me!). So it was easier not to say much.

I thought surgery for my issue (herniated discs) wouldn't work but actually it was life changing. I wish I'd tried it earlier instead of being persuaded by everyone that 'it's not a miracle cure', as for me it was and worth at least finding out. Not having the surgery certainly wasn't working.

Can I add to all the good that’s been posted. - it’s fine to angry and frustrated, but it can spread to the rest of your life, so try to allow yourself to be angry and frustrated in small doses or say once a week. I found if I didn’t do this life got horrible in every area and support melted away. Self sabotage at its best.
My only other light bulb moment was allowing myself to use whatever aids - disability or other aids I need to use, so I do not exacerbate my pain and do things I want to do safely and more easily. They aid and maintain my independence rather than enforce my disability.
Adjusting physically and mentally to a version of yourself you don’t recognise / want, is bloody hard.

Thanks everyone. Especially re pain medication, I haven't been taking it unless it's been really bad but I'm coming to realize too that this is a mistake and should take it as directed as my brain is just overwhelmed now.

It doesn't help that I have thrown myself into my work to somehow compensate for my lack of socials. Which means I've working 12-13 hrs a day, weekends here and there too, and it means I'm exhausted and not sleeping well because I log off work at 11pm! I think I wanted to at least achieve something but I should have given myself a break really.