To be upset at being abandoned?

[oddbluesock]

I’m suffering from a severe illness, causing me to be in debilitating pain for months now. This has been progressively getting worse and I’m essentially bed bound on most days. I am under a consultant and being strictly monitored.

I live with my DP and DD who is 5. Since I’ve been this unwell my DP has been the main caregiver for DD (usually it’s split).

My issue is that DP has left us to go with his family for a 2 week trip abroad to sort out some family affairs. He claims that it’s essential that he needs to be there but two of his siblings didn’t go and they will benefit equally from the outcome of this trip.

He booked these tickets without consulting with me a few months ago. He did not make any particular plans for our care for whilst he’s away.

He had a vague notion that someone somewhere would drop everything to come and stay with me and DD whilst he’s away. He’s never discussed this any friends or family, he just expected this to somehow happen.

Failing that he just expected me to somehow magically be able to look after our DD.

I’m past anger, I feel hurt and disappointed. He’s currently abroad and I just don’t feel like interacting with him. He’s been trying to communicate but I can’t bring myself to engage other than simple replies.

Am I justified or overreacting?

You’re not overreacting - he should have discussed every angle of how your and your DC’s care would be supported in his absence. You guys should have had in depth conversations about how it would be managed. I’m sure he needs a break but he shouldn’t just have fucked off.

Who is helping you?

No; you’re not being unreasonable. I would find this very hard to forgive, I’d certainly never feel like he loved me from now on. I know this from experience

i am so sorry you’ve been left to try to fend for yourself. Are you ok? Have you managed to get some support? I hope so x

two of his siblings didn’t go

Maybe that's why he needed to go.

It's a bit shit but it doesn't sound like he's fucked off for a holiday. Are you able to arrange your own care temporarily?

So who is looking after you both now?

Is your husband the eldest son? In dome cultures it would be usual and expected for him to step up particularly following a death or involving inheritance etc. It was wrong of him not to discuss this with you but maybe he knew there could be no compromise.
I hope you're not suffering too much and have managed to get help if you're really not able to cope. It sounds like it's difficult but one way or another you have managed. I'm sure DH knows it won't be easy. Maybe when he is back he will have been revitalised. It sounds atm everyone wants a bit of him and it must be hard for him too.

Is this your first post on MN?

Anyhow, said gently, do you mean your partner hasn't had any break from looking after you both for months? I know this won't come across well, and no I'm not your DP but people can forget just how tiring it can be to look after someone, and your DD too.

I have a chronic disease as well, I understand how debilitating it can be, but there was no mention in your post about how your DP may be.

Are you not able to arrange your own care?