Fed up with everyone

[Lifeisbullshit]

I'm having a whinge and right good old moan. Prepared to be told to give my head a wobble but I'm just so fucking sick of people, I honestly dont understand them.

I like to think I'm a decent, nice person who goes out of my way to help someone in need and I honestly just feel like I get shat on/side lined all the fucking time. Have done my whole fucking life. I'm 37 and can count the number of friends I have on one hand. Everyone else I know are either family members, work colleagues or acquaintances.

I had a best friend at school, let's call her A. When I went to college I met B. A didnt go to my college. Through the weird and wonderful tapestry of life A and B ended up being friends. Suffice to say when I was 18 I got ditched by them.

Fast forward to a few years ago (when I was pregnant) and A started to invite me to things as our paths crossed again (both have children). I ended up making friends with A's friends and even met up with B again. I felt happy to have a friendship group of sorts again after resigning myself to mum life.

A few years pass and I was invited to B's wedding reception. I went on my own as was single at the time. I only really knew A and B out of everyone there so felt awkward, really out of place. Since then and then the pandemic I dont hear from either of them. So this was 2019-2020. I have asked A to meet up since the pandemic and we have got together once in that time and honestly it's me doing the asking every single time. When covid struck i messaged A every now and again to check in, make sure she was ok, was sympathetic to her struggles. Since the world has opened back up I've heard nothing from her unless I ask her. So I've fucked the whole thing off. It hurts too much seeing them having fun together with their little clique on Facebook etc when they no longer include me. Again. So I've unfriended. Sad I know.

Okay so... my best mate who has been my best friend since our early 20s has now got a new partner so she has little time for me anymore. I get it. She's busy and wanting to spend her spare time with her new gf outside of work and studying for her degree. But I do feel like I've been fucking sidelined again. We are genuinely very close but obviously less so now.

I made a new friend last year. She confided loads of deeply personal stuff in me from the get go, and as such I was there to support her, lend an ear, and had her son come over when she needed time to herself, lend stuff to, I buy her stuff from the shops if I'm going anyway, etc but even she is flaky as fuck. She will say stuff like "we'll do something on such a date" and it never transpires. She cancels on me all the time when we make plans, says she will message or call me but doesnt, she "forgets" or theres always some drama going on in her life. She calls me up when shit hits the fan and she needs someone to offload on.

The tipping point for me was that she said she would have my son over for a sleepover at her house at the weekend (this was last week) then just never mentioned it since at all, until I took my sons party invite round to hers for her son yesterday. Her daughter answered the door so I didnt even see my friend in person. Then later on my friend texted "daughter said you'd popped round, sorry i was meant to have your son here but I'm at my sisters with a family situation going on".

This was Sunday so any thoughts of her having my child stop over at her house on friday or Saturday night had well and truly gone out the window. Likely she "forgot". I wouldnt mind but you'd think youd text about it in the week. To avoid saying what I was really thinking, I text back saying "no problem, I was just dropping an invite round for DS birthday on date at place."

She has read my text but not said thanks, or even that her son would like to come or not. She just doesn't communicate fuck all. I'm not trying to sound harsh but if it was me I'd reply with a thanks and even just a "I'll let you know nearer the time" if I couldn't say for definite.

I've come to the conclusion that friends are overrated and just a bit wank really. People are flaky fuckers and what I wouldnt dream of doing to people (conveniently forgetting about them for one) people have no qualms in doing it to me even though I always always try and be helpful, supportive, friendly, open etc.

If you got this far, thanks. I'm just sick of having the piss taken out if me as the good old dependable one who does a lot for people and gets fuck all back.

I don't think most people are awful, this is the second thread I've read today saying the same thing, presumably there are also lots of decent people putting effort into friendships too.
I just think some people have different expectations of friendships, some want a close bond and others just view friends as someone to do something with when it suits.
It's finding people with similar outlook I guess.
It also brings to mind a conversation I had with a therapist about why I only attract dysfunctional drama llama people, when it occured to me that I experienced 'normal' people as quite boring. it's not that they were boring, it's just that feeling comfortable and at ease around people was quite an alien feeling to me at the time.

@MassimoMaxamara
Me too, the Word is reassuring.

Yep I have acquaintances now. Who I ca. Have the odd coffee with and a chit chat and that's it.

I decided end of last year that I'm done making an effort to be shat on.

I quite like my own company anyway

I've been ghosted by someone . Just literally blocked . Haven't heard from them for six months. I honestly don't know why . Sent her a birthday card just before Christmas it was a big birthday but I'm not chasing her . Same with old work colleagues they just don't want to know and they were the ones I got on with well . So now it's just me my hb , my pets and my children/ grandchildren and a care close friends . Just let them go OP and be very wary of people being too friendly too quick they just want something.

I could have written this post, OP, you’re not alone. I try to be a really decent person, helpful etc and a proper friend, but in the end people seem to act like I don’t even matter. I have wondered if it’s me! But I do think most people just don’t know how to be a decent person and the older I get, the more I realise this.

It’s really depressing but I'm so used to it that I’ve developed an apathy now and keep to myself.

People around me wonder why I don’t bother with anyone anymore but this is exactly why.

Most people really aren’t worth the effort. I don’t mean they’re all vile and evil. They aren’t. There are genuinely good people out there - and I always have time for good people in pain. I mean I can’t be bothered with socialising. I hate meeting new people, hate the awkwardness and shyness I feel. Also, unlike most people, I have no interest in keeping up with the Joneses. Self-esteem/status, etc, depends on how we compare with others, which is why so many people are so interested in their neighbours (they want to measure themselves against them). But I can’t be bothered with all that.

It’s so weird the way people collect ‘friends’ like trophies. The more ‘friends’ they have, the more successful they feel. Ugghh, they are welcome to it. I cannot imagine anything worse than being part of a friends group of 10 or 15 people, being constantly pressured to go to London for the weekend, having to go to weddings and parties and christenings all the time. Awful.

Being young was hell. I hated the pressure to form a big group of friends and go out and ‘have fun’. It was all so horrible and forced and insincere. I hated being told I was having ‘the best years of your life,’ etc. Now, in my 40s, I know virtually nobody and haven’t been inside a pub or club for years. It’s bliss. No one pressures me to go out and be sociable anymore. No one cares. Wonderful. I have a couple of people who love me. Other than that, dogs and books and nature are enough. A ‘catch up’ with the girls? Ha...no thanks. I’d much rather lay in a hot bath with a glass of wine listening to an audiobook of P G Wodehouse or Dickens or Lord of the Rings.

It is weirdly reassuring to know it's not just me who has experienced this. Its such a shame though cos it seems like many of you do actually value proper friendships and not just superficial surface pleasantries.

I doubt I'm going to meet like-minded people irl, so I've resolved to keep people at arms length on future and not be so overly giving.

Was going back through my messages from the friend I made last year and I realise how much she has borrowed from me or asked me for (lifts etc.) in the short space of a few months. She's gone from being overly friendly with me to barely there. I've made countless excuses for her on my head but honestly I can't think of one that fits right now. My dc are friends with hers so I'm going to keep the comms open on that basis and that basis alone.

@Lifeisbullshit I could have written your post 100 times over. Have now given up on friendships and although I get lonely occasionally my mental health is on the whole much better than it was. I can rely on me. I can entertain myself. I enjoy my own company. The longer it goes on the easier it gets. I'm calmer and less stressed because I'm not getting dolled up on a Saturday night just to be let down at the last minute, or packing a suitcase for a weekend away that doesn't materialise. I honestly truly cannot be arsed with peoples bullshit anymore. I have a handful of acquaintances. That'll do for me now.

Its not just you OP. I now only have one friend I can rely on to treat our friendship in the way I do and value that person although I rarely seem them as they run their own business but when I do see them they never let me down.
I can't make others act in the way I think they should as a friend but I can choose not to be their friend or just take them or leave when I feel like it. That's what I tend to do with 2 others of my so called friends who have let me down a few times when I needed them. Its their loss as I'm a good friend. I hope you find a friend who appreciates you.