To give my DS extra money

[Blastoff50]

My 4 year old DS was recently diagnosed with a chronic illness. Not life threatening but needs closely managed and means that he qualifies for disability allowance. This is quite a lot of money every month and as we are in the very fortunate position of not needing it to live, we will be putting it into an ISA for him every month. When he turns 18 this could be worth a lot of money. He has an older brother and sister who I can’t afford to put money away for like this and I’m worried that when the time comes for the ISA to be transferred into DS’s name, this will cause problems with jealousy and resentment. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation or have any advice or have any advice on how to minimise any bad feeling or favouritism?

I think you should save it in an account in your name and when the situation becomes clearer as he gets older, you can decide what to do with it, there might be things he needs for himself to make his life easier even before he turns 18 and if you have the funds in your savings account, you can access it and spend it on him.
Another thing for the other children is that you need to understand that having a sibling with a chronic condition affects every child in the family one way or the other, they’ll always miss out on somethings, it might be opportunities to take part in some activities which may be difficult when there’s another sibling needing care or support so you have to be conscious and make sure you’re not over compensating your ds at the expense of the other siblings.

I have a child who receives DLA. I save it separately and use it for her needs now - so extra physio, swimming, tuition etc. It's also been. Used for specific equipment needs e.g. a specialist car seat.

What you do with it beyond that depends on what his illness is. Will it reduce his life expectancy? Will he need more care as he gets older? Will he have lower job chances or likely lower income?

These questions will answer whether you should save it all for him or split it between the others. Remember that they miss out because of the disabled child as they will have an impact on your time etc. Doss your ds cost more in terms of your time, trips to hospital, care needs etc... if he does then that is cash they miss out on.

I'm rambling because I am in a similar position of whether to split for my 2 or just 1. But one thing I agree with is don't save in his name as it will affect his benefit entitlement as he gets older if he needs it.

You don't need to worry about it now just save it it's a long way off

I think save it for now and watch and wait. If it becomes clear that it doesnt have a huge impact on his life and finances when he is older (eg he can manage a high earning flexible job from home that fits in with his needs, isnt likely to have to retire early through ill health, isnt going to have quality of life severely impacted, isnt likely to require any adaptations etc) then maybe consider splitting it.

But on balance, it isnt easy to get DLA and it is likely to impact his life in the future. As a parent, you are meant to be a trustee of the money and ensure it benefits him in the more appropriate way. Its money from the government specifically for him and independent experts have judged that he needs it, so I dont think it's really morally right for you to decide they are wrong and redistribute this to other people.

I dont begrudge paying taxes to help people with health issues and I think as a society we should do much more to help people with health issues or disabilities including financially. But it feels a bit wrong that taxes that are allocated for this might go to siblings of those with health issues or disabilities (unless their lives are also severely impacted eg they are a young carer or they are neglected because their parents time and energy is taken up with their siblings care...none of which it sounds like is the case in you situation).