To be annoyed at them for this?

[KB123456]

For the last 3 weeks I’ve suffered from some excruciating headaches. I’m in my late 30s and in good health, not on any medication and I am never unwell. But these headaches were simply vile- to the point it affected my ability to work and do daily tasks at times and I’ve slept a lot more than normal.

I thought I might need stronger glasses so as per the advice on the NHS England website, I visited an optician last week to get my glasses checked. After doing some things it quickly became clear that wasn’t the case- I was sent to the eye casualty (via a&e) straight after my appointment. I don’t quite understand the details but the pressure on my eyeball was too big- the doctor said it should be below 20 and it was 43! They said this explains the crippling headaches for the 3 weeks as my eye was blocked because of how much pressure was on it.

When I was unwell around Christmas when the symptoms began, I had to cancel plans with friends and family and frankly I don’t think anyone believed how bad it was. I wasn’t expecting anyone to do anything to help, but everytime I had a headache I was met with ‘just take some paracetamol and man up a bit’ or eye rolls, or the implication I was being lazy or OTT by not being able to go to work. Just for clarification, I wasn’t going on about it to them, it was just if I wasn’t able to go to work, or if I had to cancel plans then I would be met with the most unsympathetic reaction in which they obviously didn’t believe it was that bad. I come from a background of ‘toughen up and get on with it’, but since finding out there was a reason behind these headaches their attitude has changed completely and they have been much more sympathetic.

AIBU to feel a little bit annoyed at the people suddenly pretending they care? It felt like nobody believed me when I was saying how bad it was and it feels a bit frustrating that nobody was there when it was so bad. I felt so alone and miserable and even though I’m in my late 30s, I just wanted a hug from someone because I was in so much pain, but felt like I had to pull myself together and toughen up. If anyone has had a similar headache they will understand it’s simply impossible to power through a headache like that, and I appreciate my friends and family are being kind and sympathetic now, but AIBU to feel a little bit cross with them all?

KB.

For the average person a headache is just a headache so they couldn’t empathise with how you were actually feeling and it probably felt a weak reason to not go to work/socialise. Your loved ones aren’t now ‘pretending’ to care, they do now have concerns for you because they realise it’s not ‘just’ a headache.

You do have my sympathy. I suffer cluster headaches and migraines. I can’t even describe the pain of cluster headaches to DH. I don’t expect anyone who doesn’t get them to understand how they feel any more than I know what it feels like to have a heart attack or break a bone. I wouldn’t be angry about people being less than sympathetic about it because I don’t expect them to actually have a clue. To them it’s a headache, to others it’s a reason to commit suicide because they can’t bear the pain.

I hope they can quickly sort out whatever issue has caused the raised intraocular pressure and you have no long term issues

I see what you mean. Thank you for your kind comment. You have my sympathies for the cluster headaches- they sound utterly horrific and I can’t even imagine how awful that must be. I think it’s just the way my family are, I didn’t actually want sympathy from them and I only ever mentioned the headaches if relevant (ie if they asked me why I wasn’t going to something) but I was so frustrated at the attitude of ‘suck it up it’s not that bad’ and that I was being OTT about it. Very frustrating all round!

KB.

just a bump for traffic in case anyone else been in a similar situation/has any advice.