Gaging opinion £400 pw

[Toomuchtrouble4me]

Simply that. Family of 4. Is £400 a week reasonable to live in? This is without any bills so includes:
food for 4
household shopping (detergent etc)
clothing
treats (coffees etc)
household essentials (lightbulbs, batteries etc)
medicines and beauty products
Basically mortgage, bills, large expenses are separate, but thus includes all bits and bobs that are bought weekly plus funds for kids outings and buying gifts if they are going to a party etc.
Is it enough?
we’re trialing how much we need to spend on these things in a week and I don’t seem to be able to manage in £400.

I think there are possibly 2 issues here.
My DH once told someone we spent £50 each on the kids at Christmas. This was way off the mark but because he has no input he has no idea how much I spend. He would also not have the faintest idea what school uniform costs, or how much to put on their lunch account because I do that....so some (not all) of the issue might be that your DH doesn't know how much is reasonable to allocate for certain things that are essential.

However maybe if he wanted, or needed to reduce weekly spending then you could talk together about what you agree is a reasonable amount for "extras" and define what is necessary to include every week (food, diesel, toiletries etc) and what could be tweaked on a week by week basis . Even when you don't need to strictly budget its good to assess regularly, where money is going and whether savings could be made. (We recently changed a sky package to one that included Netflix, to save the £7.99/month - the 7.99 obviously isn't life changing but it was an unnecessary expense)

If you've got the money and you're enjoying life, there isn't really a problem.

I presume DH is earning decent money and his comments aren't based upon you slowly bankrupting the family?

You've received a lot of stick, but there's nothing in your weekly spending that is completely crazy.

Trips to coffee shops.
Top-up grocery shops.
Kids jumpers.
Cake.

I'm on maternity leave and don't really have a social life at the moment, but we certainly spent at those sorts of levels when we were DINKs.

Weekly travel cards = £50 each
Coffees, breakfasts and lunches = £10 a day minimum.
Supermarket shop = £80
Meal out during the week = £40-80
Takeaway or two at £40 a pop.
Day/Night out with friends = £100+ easily in London.
Ubers.
Maybe a nice meal out at the weekend = £120 with wine.

London is an expensive place and a lot of fun if you have the cash.

I think you’re conflating personal optional spending with necessary expenditure.

If you spent £20k on the holiday of a lifetime, would you value it more than the unrestrained spending?

What about paying of your mortgage - if you have one?

What about retiring early?

What about a house deposit for the kids?

All these alternatives are being frittered away IMO, but perhaps you value the freedom.

Personally I’d look at curly girl
method, buy a flask or travel mug, bake a cake, and meal plan… then research a 3 week trip to Indonesia (or somewhere else)

As would I.

We aren’t rolling in it right now - not by a long shot, since we both work part time - but previously, we had a more than comfortable income on two full-time wages, and we are slowly transitioning back to that.

Our lifestyle won’t necessarily improve any - we might eat out a little more, but we are naturally quite sensible, both financially and environmentally - most of our clothes come from Vinted, we pay the maximum to our mortgage possible, we don’t go out often and we don’t do extravagant holidays.

That being said, life is short and you can’t take money with you. But I find it absolutely crazy if someone with enough disposable income to spend £100/day has a mortgage, for example - and a lot of my wealthier friends do this.

It seems crazy to me - I’d personally hammer that money into my mortgage rather than chucking money away in interest. Or I’d invest it.

Obviously OP might have no mortgage in which case fair enough. I just feel like there are ways to spend that kind of money that have more of a benefit.

I just feel like there are ways to spend that kind of money that have more of a benefit

Exactly, but we pays our money and makes the choice.

We are off to the theatre tomorrow - £600, but I don’t care. We also went in January at the same cost. It’s much less than OP spends all the time. My rimmel eyeliner didn’t get me kicked out of our great seats.

Unless I had untold wealth, coffee and work lunches are lower down my order than a myriad of items.

DH thinks anything over £400 PW is excessive

I'm team DH on this one, especially if he's the one earning the money. 400pw is a very generous allowance - as has been pointed out, some people pay for everything from that kind of money, not just nice things that they want.

So I would talk to him about why he wants to cut back - it may be that he wants to save more for a rainy day, or for a pension pot so he can retire earlier. It may just be that he's scared of where the money is going, even if you can currently afford it. I don't think it would do you any harm to budget. It's a good practice to get into in case you do need it in future. One day you may start regretting the weekly blow dries and £60 cakes, if you realise you could have had a better holiday or earlier retirement, or if he gets made redundant and suddenly you really do have to cut back.

To cut down to £400, you need to shave £164 off the excessive costs which you helpfully shared. It's easily done without making too much of a compromise to your easy lifestyle. My guess is that you've grown up in significant financial privilege and just need to get your head round living more like normal folk (though 400 is still masses). I'm assuming that after buying all that, surely you are set for the weekend?

So - lose £50 by buying a cake for a tenner or making one.
Lose 15 by buying an eyeliner for no more than £7 (blind tests on some shows I've watched suggest that beyond the packaging, people can't tell).
Things like skating trip, which I think was £58 because I think the food was related to that - make that sort of trip bi-weekly, that saves £26 a week.
Food, you can easily shave £40 off just with more savvy shopping, don't waste and realising that the simpler choices are often fine. So that's £131 already and still allows you lunch out every week and coffee multiple times (which is a massive luxury, lets be honest. I have lunch out maybe once every 6 weeks and so lucky to be able to do that).

The idea that you need your hair blow dried that often is ridiculous. Learn how to do it yourself. I doubt you buy £80 petrol every week given the life style you describe.

Your DH is right. Keep records of what you actually spend and challenge your assumptions. You'll easily cut back when you do that I think.

I think it’s really easy if you’re comfortable to rack up a lot of mindless spending on food. Prior to lockdown I was quite good at bringing in lunches and controlling my work-related expenses. Post lock-down the office became a treat and suddenly I was getting breakfast and lunch out as well as a coffee as I was only in a couple of times a week. Some days I was spending £20 a day so could easily spend more in 2 days than I used to in 5. We also got into really bad habits re takeaways and were spending a fortune. We didn’t have a single one in January and didn’t miss it. There will be stuff that you’re doing that if you really thought about it, would feel like a waste if you totted up your annual spend for that item eg coffees.