NC'd for this and sorry that it will be long.
DS is 3 and at a nursery attached to a private school. He started in September when we moved locations, they only had availability for 3 days a week so he's in another setting on the other two days. In order for DS to join the nursery, we had to agree he's stay until the end of reception which was fine as we'd intended him to stay until the end anyway. The tour of the school was excellent, very good provision and the school is rated Excellent in every aspect of the most recent ISC inspection. However, everything has fallen apart and I'm progressing through a complaint. I'm not sure where I stand so any advice would be great. Professionally, DH and I have careers that should be very well suited to raising a dispute with a school but (frankly) I already feel out of my depth as I don't want to damage the relationship if possible.
My complaints are (I've ordered them as they came into my mind so aren't ranked on importance or anything like that):
- Being discouraged from wearing his glasses. I posted previously about this on here. DS frequently says he's told that "good boys don't wear glasses" and he tries to take my glasses off. A member of staff told DH (in front of DS) that DS looks "cuter" without them. Our complaint got a snooty and pithy nothing of a response and our response back was ignored entirely.
- His toilet training has regressed. He was fully toilet trained when he started and now has accidents at nursery but nowhere else. He goes fine at home, fine at the other nursery and fine out in public. He has come home twice soiled where it hadn't been noticed. Our complaint was ignored.
- Their standard for academic expectations are ridiculous and completely out of line with the national curriculum. I checked this with his previous school (also a nursery attached to a pre-prep, with exceptional results and outcomes) and they said it was absurd. Two parents I have spoken to have also been told their child is behind when, objectively, they aren't at all. I've had to begin documenting everything that he can do just so that I have a log that I'm not actually crazy.
- He doesn't appear to have learnt anything at all from the school. Everything he knows in literacy and numeracy is from home or his other setting. The specialist topic at nursery this term is science-based and he's come home parroting a lot of "facts" that are absolute nonsense. He's bilingual at home but, learning a third language at school, he hasn't picked up one single word since September. He talks a lot about what he watched on TV at nursery that day.
- His shoes are frequently on the wrong feet, clothes inside out or back-to-front. We took him to Clarks because we were concerned about his toes crossing over - we were concerned his shoes were too small and crushing his feet but his shoes were too long, we wondered if maybe his shoes were too narrow and he had very wide feet perhaps? Anyway, we asked Clarks and they said his toes crossing over and his rubbing etc is caused by his shoes being on the wrong feet (we always have them on the correct feet at home, his school shoes already have the sticker trick to help him put them on the right feet).
- He burned himself and no one told us until DS showed us the burn on his hand that evening. He said that his key worker put an ice pack on it so a) they were definitely aware and b) they clearly don't know how you treat a burn. I don't think he should have been able to sustain a burn in the first place.
- He has had multiple bruises/grazes/cuts/scratches/marks (and no one tells us) but we ask DS how they happened and he says X/Y/Z hit/kicked/pushed/scratched/pinched me. Always the same three names. He says the teachers don't do anything when he tells them - he now says he doesn't tell the teachers because they won't do anything if he tells them. Another parents mentioned to me that they had the same issues with X/Y/Z and so I messaged a third parent and they agreed that their DS also had the same exact issue with X/Y/Z.
- His key worker couldn't tell us who DS plays with or which activities he likes doing. His key worker also repeatedly refers to him by his full name (think Alexander instead of Alex) despite being told multiple times that he responds to and knows his name to be Alex.
- DS has very poor hearing and mostly lip reads. Nursery have been made aware multiple times. We've asked that, when they speak to DS, they ensure he's looking at them so he can 'hear' them but I'm certain it's not happening - it doesn't happen when we're there at drop-off/pick-up. His key worker didn't even know she should be doing this despite it being written on his forms, mentioned at his induction and mentioned multiple times since to the Room Lead and Head of the Nursery.
- We requested a day sheet to outline what he does during the day but they only did two days before they stopped filling it out and, on each day, we got one word: "French" and "swimming".
- There's no behaviour policy for the nursery. When I asked, they said they'll stop children doing things they don't want them to do. I asked DS and got mixed answers, at one point he said they lock people on the roof so not so sure that's accurate.
Frankly, I'd like to withdraw DS but I'm contractually committed to pay fees for another 18 months which I cannot afford whilst paying for provision elsewhere. Our local state school was just awarded inadequate by Ofsted so that's out of the question as far as I'm concerned and we haven't applied anyway. We're in a very competitive area for the state sector. There are two other private schools we could consider but one is a grammar and he's missed the exam sessions. Regardless, we can't afford two sets of fees! I assume that, given that their care and service and education is so far below the expected standard, that I would be able to argue that they breached the contract but has anyone got experience of this?
I know I sound like that parent but we have had no complaints at all at our previous setting or the other setting where DS is now. We've also never had any complaints at DD's setting. I know other parents have made very similar or the same complaints to this school and received no response or unsatisfactory responses. There was one incident where a complaint went down very badly and resulted in a member of staff shouting and slamming doors.
To make this even more complex, I've heard nothing but good things from other parents about the school itself and that this year in the nursery is just awful. So, I'm not sure whether to try and "tough it out", to try and withdraw DS until September and go from there, etc.
Anyone with experience on how to tackle this would be amazing.