Is it unreasonable to ghost somebody because they have kids?

[Bigcookie30]

I was out for lunch with friends yesterday and we were talking about how I'd recently been 'ghosted' after sleeping with a man I liked for the second time.

Interestingly my (male) friend suggested it could be because I have young children, he recounted conversations he'd overhead from other men over the years about how a woman having children can 'frighten' them off as they don't like the idea of a ready made family.

This came as a surprise to me as I never once considered that may be the reason. He knew I had children, he'd seen me with them! (We knew each other IRL beforehand) he also said he wanted children himself at some point.

I'm a bit deflated to think that could've been the issue and I think it's a bit shitty of him if so. If women with children was such a turn off he should have made that clear from the get go.

AIBU or is he?

I know there's no way of knowing for sure what his reasons were, it just came as a surprise to hear a man so confidently say what he thought the problem was.

The key word here is ‘thought’. It’s one person’s theory about someone he’s never met. Could be right, could be wrong - and it doesn’t really matter now.

You'd expect those men to be upfront about their deal breakers though, surely.

If I was so put off by a man having children I wouldn't get involved in the first place.

Maybe he always saw it as a casual thing.

I think it's pretty common for men to have a shag then dissappear sadly, I don't think it's anything to do with you having children. If he hadn't known you had kids then found out and got spooked, then i would probably agree with your mate, but from what you've said here, he knew from the off.

That leads me to think he was just after a few shags and has probably moved onto his next victim. It sucks but don't take it personally, he's the twat, not you.

You absolutely would expect men to be upfront regarding children being deal breaker but unfortunately it's clear to me that many men are very happy to have one night shag with loads of women but are much more selective about who they pursue further or would consider for a relationship.
Shit but True

He must have had burning ears. The ghost has text me this afternoon.. after 3 weeks.

Off you pop mate.

He probably gave it no more thought than getting some tbh

It could be that or it could be a whole host of other reasons that are nothing to do with you. Some men are shitty; I’ve had it a couple of times when young free and single and I still have no idea why but I decided that it’s their issue and a lucky escape if that’s the kind of person they are.
Irs most likely nothing to do with you having children.

Just seen your update - avoid avoid avoid.

The obvious conclusion would be that he doesn't want a relationship with someone who has kids.

If so, it doesn't take much insight to work out why he "hasn't given that serious consideration" until after he has had sex.

However, I would avoid assuming the worst until you actually know, because sometimes there are reasons for this behaviour that aren't cynical for instance if he is unsure about proceeding with a ready made family, he may need go have some man time and space to think it through and decide how he feels about that commitment which is a very, very serious one because there are children's hearts involved. Frankly it isn't far off deciding to marry someone.