To be so ashamed of how I look and how I present?

[TheLostNights]

Thin and lanky hair which I have to style creatively to stop myself looking like I have no hair at the back.
Very long nose.
Long shaped face.
Fat cheeks.
Ears which are so small that I can't wear my hair up as everyone comments.
Flatchested.
Pale.
Stumpy and short legs.
Moles all over arms.
Get told I look like a child despite nearly approaching my 40's.
Get asked often if I live at home or with parents as I am either so ugly they assume I am single or because I look like a kid.
Odd voice which everyone comments on.

I am just tired of being so ugly and odd. I'm married with kids but in all honesty, the marriage is on rocky ground too. Aibu to just wish I could be ok looking and like others my age?

There is definately one thing you can change that will instantly improve you. It might not be easy but the results will be very impactful...
Those people who say hurtful things? Get rid. They bring zero value to you.

People (especially strangers) who are nasty about others are ALWAYS so insecure that the only way they can make themselves feel better is by bringing others down. But that isn't your problem. You are not there to be abused or make them feel better.

Their nastiness is about them, not you. Think about it, when you feel happy about yourself you don't notice other people so much do you?

I also doubt that people are talking about you as much as you think they are. For a stranger, at most you'll be a fleeting thought. If a stranger is mean to you, they'll have forgotten about you 10 minutes later and will be finding fault with someone else to make themselves feel good.

I have a roman nose and my face is so long I look like a horse. I have naturally yellowy teeth but I also have a mixture of implants and crowns that I can't afford (or face) having changed to a better colour so I can't just whiten them. I have tiny piggy eyes. If I were to walk into a room backwards, my bum would appear minutes before me, plus my legs are so short compared to my body that I really struggle to find trousers. No matter how much I look after my feet they resemble hooves and look like one of those "before" pictures on foot products. But no one pays that much attention to me to notice much (any?) of that and I bet you're the same. When I feel bad though, I do imagine everyone is laughing about how I look like a yellow toothed horse. Clue: they aren't because they just don't care that much.

Do you remember that advert where Claudia Schiffer got out of car naked? Even SHE got a body double for some of those shots. If Claudia Schiffer thinks she has body problems, there is no hope for any of us mortals.

So, what are you going to do about those people that make you feel this way?

Get a grip @LoekMa

No one asked or cares whether you fancy someone based on their perceived ear size.

Furthermore, why are you making this post about you? If you want to yet again belittle women about something they can't change (because they don't already have enough nonsense to deal with) then start your own post.

OP - can you see how people like this delightful poster work? They say something positive about someone but then instantly have to find flaws with them or criticise. Very, very few people will even have noticed her ears and even fewer will care or think any differently over her perfectly normal ears.

Surely you can’t look that bad if someone wanted to marry you?

Dear fucking Lord what a vile comment

OP forgot to say, if you are having issues with your glasses, speak to your optition. They can adjust certain frames so the ear hook thing is shaped better for you. They use a sort of hairdrier to mould the plastic. The fact that such a device exists shows you how standard glasses don't fit lots of people. My ears are wonky (one is slightly higher than the other) and I forgot to get them to adjust my new ones and it's a trek to get to them so now I have wonky glasses. 🤣

big heart,nice smile i bet you forgot those, we all think we dont look good i do i know, but people tell me im friendly helpful,so people see past the odd flaw. winter makes us all a bit down,play on your good points you have some,smile,get a new haircut, like yourself other people do sending a hug

Just to give you a flip of this from someone with opposite insecurities - my ears are are bloody massive! I’m lucky they don’t stick out or I would look seriously freakish. I look at pictures of me as a kid and laugh because I look like the BFG even then! Even as a baby you can see how much of my head my ears occupy. And yet I still wear my hair up! I can’t change it after all. I haven’t had comments but lol you can’t miss them! Consequently I have always found small ears so cute! Are you sure people aren’t commenting because they feel that way? I mean if you read anything by Haruki Murakami you will be flattered or creeped out by how much he fetishises small ears!

My nose is small, upturned, and I feel like miss piggy. I have always wished I had a beautiful aquiline nose and striking features. I am also tall and I feel like a great hulking mass compared to my petite friends. I have always envied how unobtrusive they look and how small their hands are. Skirts look obscene on me, and tea dresses look like tennis dresses. It’s awful. My hair is a massive shapeless bush of hair - no waves, just frizz. Again, I would love easier to manage hair that I don’t have to straighten within an inch of its life.

This is just to give you an idea that what you have others may very well covet and the grass is not always greener. Wear your hair up, embrace your unique features, and play them up. ‘Odd’ is another word for ‘striking’ IMO. Best to be uniquely you than a boring shade of beige x

If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.
Roald Dahl, The Twits

I think the majority of people have things they don't like about their appearance. Sometimes these can be lessened by small changes, all of which have been listed above.

When it comes to a real loss of confidence though, I think this mainly comes from within and the external flaws you see are more to do with projection and not liking yourself.

The small tweaks to your appearance might give you a temporary boost, but they'll soon wear of unless you address what's really going on beneath the surface.

You do have the right to state what you fund attractive as luckily we have Freedom of speech. You also have the right to go away and have a think about why your comments aren’t very helpful on a thread like this, or in general really. Your reply to what was a considered and polite response to your post by @Josette77 is quite - I can’t think of the right word to be honest.

I understand you. I’ve always thought of myself in terms of a list like that. I’ve had rude comments too about some of my odd features, usually “jokes” which are actually very hurtful.
But unless we want to spend thousands on cosmetic surgery, which might not have the effect we want anyway, we have to live with what we have. I know a lot of people who don’t have classic good looks at all, but are confident and happy with themselves, so they appear more attractive.
One thing that might help is a really good haircut. A good hairdresser can make the most of the hair you have, and it could boost your confidence enormously.

This.
Someone did find you attractive, OP 😄So things can't be that bad.

How about we don't knock down others whilst trying to pick people up? How about we all learn to find beauty in everything, regardless. There is no right or wrong

I’d love to see another list, all the things you do like, or just write it for yourself.
The things you’ve achieved, the children you’ve raised, the experiences you’ve had, the home you’ve made, the relationships you’ve built, the difference you’ve made to other people’s lives, what you do to stay healthy, all despite not feeling great about yourself- that’s an achievement in itself.
Looks are not everything. Also, many people feel able to let go of that stuff more after 40, please try to be kind to yourself.

This.. now do a list of the things you do like ?

I can honestly say I could not tell you a single defining feature of any of my friends’ ears. Who cares?

You sound really down on yourself, OP. Try not to compare yourself to others. Focus on what you like about yourself, not your perceived flaws.

My mother would write a list similar to this. She has terrible self-esteem about her looks due to unkind comments from maiden aunts when she was small. She complains about her nose, her fat cheeks and her short legs. The thing is, she is actually a very pretty woman, she just can't see it. Everyone likes her not because of the way she looks, but because she is kind, a good listener, considerate etc.

My mother-in-law, on the other hand, is to be honest, quite a plain woman, but nobody cares because she is really kind, friendly, funny and sociable. Her children, grandchildren and husband adore her.

Personality is so much more important. In the end, there is no point focusing on your physical shortcomings. You may or may not be better looking than you imagine, but it is nothing to do with your value as a person.

Just a note about the lank hair. It may be just the way your hair is, but I had an undiagnosed Vitamin D deficiency. Once it was corrected, my hair got considerably thicker. Might be worth getting tested. Vitamin D deficiency can also cause low mood, and it seems you are feeling low at the moment.

Honestly. I don't like the way I look, especially from the neck down but I try not to worry about it too much. I just think that people are far more concerned with looking at and worrying about themselves, than they are thinking about what I look like and I'm sure this is the case for you.

The new haircut has made me look worse. She cut loads off so it's almost in a bob and just accentuates my long face and nose. She put longer layers in which said would give it some volume but instead it's now all frizzy and looks messy. She agrees my hair is really thin.
I give up. I try to make myself look better but nothing works.

well done for giving it a shot. Give the new do some time - it might grow on you yet. Now work on some self esteem and self acceptance. I don’t really give a hoot what my friends look like. I’m far more interested in whether they are good, caring people. Are you?

I think you are being too harsh on yourself.

I am also tall and I feel like a great hulking mass compared to my petite friends. I have always envied how unobtrusive they look and how small their hands are.

I am 5 ft 3 and trust me, it’s a pain not being able to reach stuff in supermarkets (as well as the usual problems with trousers, dresses etc; ‘petite’ ranges are too short in the waist for me). I am also blessed with silly little toy sized hands which are painfully frustrating when trying to play anything beyond about Grade 4 on the piano. Octaves? Forget it. And while we’re about it, my legs are not only short but distinctly chunky. Hey ho; I’ll be grateful for them still working in about 25 years’ time I guess. 🤷‍♀️

OP - what I wonder is, where did you get all these negative messages about your body, and what - and possibly who - is reinforcing them? Social media and MSM is just one aspect; the experience of clothes shopping in a one-size-fits-nobody environment is also unhelpful, but this kind of deep self-loathing generally comes from people abusing you emotionally. Do you go around with a group of so-called friends who get their kicks from bitching about others’ looks or dress sense? Does your husband indulge in ‘negging’ (look it up)? Were your parents constantly expressing their disappointment in you? If so, your job is to surround yourself with people who help you feel good about yourself, not tear you down. Arguably a lot more difficult than getting some hair extensions done.

Maybe a few things.
My mum uses to comment on my lack of chest and how skinny I was especially as a teenager. Saying it didn't look good and that I looked anorexic.
Had a beautiful blonde, long legged, tall and blue eyed best friend for years who got loads of attention where as I was just her sidekick it seemed. The small, childlike, mousy, big nosed friend.
Got comments on my nose a lot.
Years of being told I look a child or young teen and even now, still the same.
I know I can't help how I look entirely but everyday I tell myself how ugly and rough looking I am. I just can't help it. It's how I feel. I am very unattractive and so self conscious. Which then makes me ashamed as I am far too old to be feeling like this.