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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want the money I'm owed?

26 replies

Itssnotunusual · 29/01/2023 20:58

My sister occasionally looks after my DS whilst I'm at work. She had him before Christmas and was in a minor car accident meaning that I had to buy a new car seat for my little. This cost me £280 as I had to buy a 25kg seat extended rear facing seat for DS as he's on very high centiles! This was replacing the now unusable 25kg involved the the crash.

The day of the crash my my sister promised she would pay me in full for the replacement once the claim on her insurance was settled, which was fine as I know she wouldn't have the cash to hand to pay for it upfront as she's low income.

I've found out from our parents today that the claim settled, and she's dropped off the old car seat. She hasn't even mentioned the money for the seat. I know for the fact that she had £300 car seat cover on her insurance and has also had to pay for a new booster seat for my niece.

I wouldn't even mind if she paid £300 minus whatever she had to payout for my niece's booster. My partner and I are not exactly flush so the £280 is a big deal to me financially and is currently on credit as it was the only way I'd be able to get a new seat at that time.

Aibu to think she should have paid at least something towards it? And not skirted the topic for the past 2 months?

I have messaged her asking if the claim had fully settled but with no response!

OP posts:
donttellmehesalive · 29/01/2023 21:02

If she had indeed submitted a claim and received money for the car seat then YANBU that she hasn't passed this on to you.

However, if you usually get along and she does a good job of helping you with dc, I would reserve judgement until you've spoken to her.

Original poster
Itssnotunusual · 29/01/2023 21:08

donttellmehesalive · 29/01/2023 21:02

If she had indeed submitted a claim and received money for the car seat then YANBU that she hasn't passed this on to you.

However, if you usually get along and she does a good job of helping you with dc, I would reserve judgement until you've spoken to her.

We've had a pretty tenuous relationship historically (as teens) but we've been much closer for the past 4 years.

I'm just a bit miffed she hasn't said anything but worry being too direct about it. We're probably each others closest friends nowadays so a fall out would be fairly shit for the both of us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itssnotunusual · 29/01/2023 21:09

I'm curious as to those thinking IABU, why?

OP posts:
FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 29/01/2023 21:10

Have you considered picking up the phone and speaking to her?

Hankunamatata · 29/01/2023 21:10

Just ask her

RedHelenB · 29/01/2023 21:12

Given she was doing you a favour I wouldn't push this.

Spiderboy · 29/01/2023 21:14

Who bought the discarded seat? Are you paying her for childcare?

These things would probably determine how I handle it

Original poster
Itssnotunusual · 29/01/2023 21:14

I'm not 100% certain if she's on shift as she's a student (think healthcare professions with lots of in hospital placements).

I also really don't want to cause any conflict as we've had so much of that in the past, fairly explosive conflict that probably needs unpicking professionally. She's great most of the time but it can be like walking on eggshells in terms of keeping the peace.

OP posts:
fairysimples · 29/01/2023 21:15

Do you pay her for looking after your child?

Original poster
Itssnotunusual · 29/01/2023 21:16

Not to drip feed but the childcare is very much mutual, I look after my niece if she ever needs it including sleep overs when she's on shift so there is no real imbalance there.

OP posts:
Eastereggsboxedupready · 29/01/2023 21:16

Just send her the link to the seat you want. Ask her to let her know when she will be dropping it off..

Workbaseddrama · 29/01/2023 21:16

Speak to her directly not through your mum.

£280 is a lot for a car seat, you can get cheaper ones so yabu to expect that level of payment. The insurer should (at a guess) have done a like for like replacement so expect a contribution not the full reimbursement.

If you keep it civil and chatty there's no reason it will descend into anarchy

Original poster
Itssnotunusual · 29/01/2023 21:16

I did!

OP posts:
Thecoldcrew · 29/01/2023 21:17

after reading your last message id be paying for childcare.

Original poster
Itssnotunusual · 29/01/2023 21:18

Spiderboy · 29/01/2023 21:14

Who bought the discarded seat? Are you paying her for childcare?

These things would probably determine how I handle it

I bought the original seat and the replacement as we needed a car seat for our daily lives to function.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itssnotunusual · 29/01/2023 21:20

Thecoldcrew · 29/01/2023 21:17

after reading your last message id be paying for childcare.

It's no real trouble, she's a good kid and sleeps through the night and she keeps my little boy entertained whilst she's here. Plus my little boy benefits from a really close relationship with my sister, so I don't really want to upset the balance there.

OP posts:
Spiderboy · 29/01/2023 21:21

In that case just message her and ask “hey did the insure money come through the car seat yet :)”

It is a reasonable request and you can’t tread on egg shells

Original poster
Itssnotunusual · 29/01/2023 21:27

I'm going to give it till tomorrow before I start being a bit more direct about it on the off chance she is on shift. I messaged her after 6 and that's when she would have started so may not even see it till morning.

I'm just a tad annoyed it hasn't been volunteered as soon as the claim was settled. The childcare stuff is mutually beneficial and she would struggle on her course and I would struggle paying for the additional childcare so I don't want to upset the applecart there

OP posts:
MarchingGiraffes · 29/01/2023 21:30

YANBU to expect another 25kg ERF seat, but you can get them from £199 so no need to spend so much.

YABU to play faux naivety and pretend you don’t know the claim has gone through when you know perfectly well it has. You should have been direct.

Original poster
Itssnotunusual · 29/01/2023 21:34

MarchingGiraffes · 29/01/2023 21:30

YANBU to expect another 25kg ERF seat, but you can get them from £199 so no need to spend so much.

YABU to play faux naivety and pretend you don’t know the claim has gone through when you know perfectly well it has. You should have been direct.

The seat I bought was a direct replacement for the old seat and the best fit for the variety of cars it needs to go in on a regular basis (I don't drive so.

That's fair enough, I struggle with being direct. It's definitely a fault of mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itssnotunusual · 29/01/2023 21:36

Sorry that should have read I don't drive so if going anywhere via car it needs to be refitted each time in a few different cars.

OP posts:
shard5 · 29/01/2023 21:36

Mum mentioned the claims been processed and completed. Don't forget to transfer the car seat money to me please! Here's my bank details in case you've not got them

shard5 · 29/01/2023 21:41

When my car was involved in a crash recently the insurance company actually paid for my replacement car seats within 10 days of the accident.
The claim was still being processed but I was told car seat payments are always made asap for safety reasons.
I had to send them pictures of the car seats and receipts if I had them. I did and within 10 days the money was in my account

NeedAHoliday2021 · 29/01/2023 21:42

Just say “oh dm mentioned the insurance money came through. Do you need my bank details to transfer the car seat money? I’ve got the receipt if you need it. See you soon xx”

i think you’re over thinking it.

MarchingGiraffes · 29/01/2023 22:02

NeedAHoliday2021 · 29/01/2023 21:42

Just say “oh dm mentioned the insurance money came through. Do you need my bank details to transfer the car seat money? I’ve got the receipt if you need it. See you soon xx”

i think you’re over thinking it.

She can’t. She already played the “don’t know if it’s come through yet card”.

She’d have to then backtrack and say well actually, she did know after all and was pretending otherwise.

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