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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Delivery didn't go according to plan (but feel there were some things done poorly by midwifery team, should we say anything?)

87 replies

HSlant · 29/01/2023 20:46

Not sure if right forum, we didn't have the best birth experience (partner posting on behalf of mum). Much of this was baby/mum related (progressed rapidly, and delivered within 3 hours of getting to hospital), things like birth plan therefore went out the window, tried to convey that one of the biggest concerns was of getting a 3rd-4th degree tear (trumped only by something like a hypoxic brain injury to baby), and if there was anything we could do to avoid this, would be keen to try. Ended up delivering in Lithotomy and (we think) instructions for pushing may have been incorrect - told to push hard, continuously throughout contractions. Left now with a 3rd degree tear, needed stitching in theatre. Wasn't all down to midwife, she needed help and used call bell twice (for Dr and then 2nd midwife but no one was available - it was a really busy night). Also this was 3rd midwife 3 hours (they were just too busy and hadn't accounted for us, and now rapidly we'd progressed, so had to be passed from one to the other), so not much continuity. Ofc very relieved baby is safe and hoping mum doesn't have any long term effects. I don't know if we should say anything? Is this normal? We have no frame of reference. The doctors said they'd explain things but they didn't really know why things happened the way they did and just left things at that.

OP posts:

Thereisnolight · 31/01/2023 15:35

PALS

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 31/01/2023 15:36

Lcb123 · 31/01/2023 15:29

Personally I’d move on and enjoy your healthy baby. Not sure why dwelling on the birth will help

Because maternity services get away with delivering poor care bad it has to stop

ShouldBeWorking23 · 31/01/2023 15:36

Zebedee55 · 31/01/2023 15:32

Births often don't go to any plan. Babies can't read manuals and plans. All you need, at the end of it, is a healthy baby and a healthy mum.😉

You wouldn’t say that about any other medical procedure. Hey, sorry you’ve been left with problems but hey ho you’re alive, don’t ask questions.

xogossipgirlxo · 31/01/2023 15:40

ShouldBeWorking23 · 31/01/2023 15:36

You wouldn’t say that about any other medical procedure. Hey, sorry you’ve been left with problems but hey ho you’re alive, don’t ask questions.

Show quote history

Exactly. Almost like 3rd degree dear is being licked by kitten. Just shut up and be grateful you're alive.

Thereisnolight · 31/01/2023 15:54

TakeTheShiteOutYaMouth · 30/01/2023 20:27

1.Ask for a copy of your maternity notes. You can apply for this through the hospital website, can't remember the exact term "patient notes" or something similar. They should be able to email this over to you. When I got my notes I then went through and highlighted any areas of the birth I wanted explaining or questioned.

THEN organise a birth reflection call with a midwife. When this happens have the notes in front of you, they will go through each of those notes so you can then read along and raise questions as you go.

If you are unhappy with a particular part of your birth and believe they were negligent then raise a complaint to PALS specifying what happened and why you are complaining.

If you aren't happy with their response then contact Birth Rights and seek their advice, you can even copy them into your correspondence with PALS.

Excellent advice.

OntarioBagnet · 31/01/2023 15:55

Zebedee55 · 31/01/2023 15:32

Births often don't go to any plan. Babies can't read manuals and plans. All you need, at the end of it, is a healthy baby and a healthy mum.😉

That is so not true

Thereisnolight · 31/01/2023 16:04

Zebedee55 · 31/01/2023 15:32

Births often don't go to any plan. Babies can't read manuals and plans. All you need, at the end of it, is a healthy baby and a healthy mum.😉

Babies can’t read manuals but the staff and management can and should.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 31/01/2023 21:09

Births often don't go to any plan. Babies can't read manuals and plans. All you need, at the end of it, is a healthy baby and a healthy mum.😉

This post is minimal using bullshit

Also, what if mum isn’t healthy (or happy) because of preventable birth injuries?

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 31/01/2023 21:16

Also, sometimes it’s not complaining about the individual staff, many of whom are trying their best, it’s complaining about how the poor processes and policies are damaging care and how staff are victims of that too.

Gremlinsateit · 01/02/2023 00:08

Book in with a private physio as soon as you can, if you can afford it, and ask if she recommends anything to do/avoid while your wife waits for the appointment. You can also ask the NHS physio the same question, I guess. In a different situation, I was told to minimise stairs and only walk on the flat, and to start kegels straight away to increase blood flow to the injured area, for example.

Gremlinsateit · 01/02/2023 00:10

Zebedee55 · 31/01/2023 15:32

Births often don't go to any plan. Babies can't read manuals and plans. All you need, at the end of it, is a healthy baby and a healthy mum.😉

Unhelpful nonsense.

LoveBluey · 01/02/2023 22:07

Lcb123 · 31/01/2023 15:29

Personally I’d move on and enjoy your healthy baby. Not sure why dwelling on the birth will help

Because it's a huge experience and not dealing with any trauma properly can lead to long term mental health issues.

I had a healthy baby for which I am very grateful but my feelings around the traumatic experience and resulting birth injuries are valid, important and deserve to be explored.

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