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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if lying at work is misconduct?

13 replies

WhoWants2Know · 29/01/2023 16:29

I'm going to try to keep this very vague and unidentifiable.

In the course of my job, I found that within a project there were indications that things could be going wrong. Several staff members had observed potential red flags but failed to investigate or escalate any concerns. (It was a comfortable long-term project that had run smoothly for ages so perhaps the team had become a bit complacent.) I was transparent with my co-workers about what I had noticed and that I felt we were all going to be pulled up on it.

In my regular review meeting, I discussed that project with a line manager, as well as all my other current work.

Later, management scheduled individual meetings with some of the people who had worked on the project.

Afterwards one of my colleagues (X) approached me angry and asked why I had had thrown him under a bus. He said he was told that I had sought my line manager out and reported X in particular for breach of policy and he was going to be disciplined.

I always got on well with X, and I was really upset at the idea of people being told I was making accusations. I hadn't, I was pointing out where all of us could have done a better job. I hadn't assumed there was any intentional wrongdoing.

I wondered if I hadn't expressed myself properly or if my concerns had been misrepresented and X took the brunt of it. So I asked to meet with the manager.

And it was bullshit. X was never told that I had reported him or that there was breach of policy. X was mad about being questioned about the project and apparently wanted me to be angry at my line manager. And I assume he wanted the rest of the team mad at me for dobbing him in.

So I guess my ultimate question is, can a person really just go around telling everyone that I wrongfully reported him and to watch their backs around me?

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LordEmsworth · 29/01/2023 16:37

So I guess my ultimate question is, can a person really just go around telling everyone that I wrongfully reported him and to watch their backs around me?
Well, clearly they can cos they did... Whether it's misconduct will depend on company policy and effectiveness of HR/management. If you mean, are there consequences - presumably you've told your manager that you'll be raising a grievance...

SeasonFinale · 29/01/2023 16:41

Call him out on front of everyone and ask why are you going round lying about XYZ? They will either back down and say they didn't or they will continue in which case say let's go and speak to the line manager then.

Or go to HR and ask them to deal with it or how to proceed.

WhoWants2Know · 29/01/2023 16:52

I didn't actually think about raising a grievance. That was a bit stupid of me. I told my line manager what he had said and asked them to clarify as much as they were allowed of what was said in his meeting.

Ironically, I think they are looking at him more closely now.

I don't think calling him out will work. He's still insisting that I reported him even after managers told me they never said that.

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DrManhattan · 29/01/2023 16:55

HR won't care about this, they will see it as really petty and trivial.

WhoWants2Know · 29/01/2023 17:00

Bugger. It's going to be so uncomfortable tomorrow.

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Couchpotato3 · 29/01/2023 17:01

I would say don't engage with him in any further discussion. Other people will eventually work out that he is the one making a lot of noise and you are just going about your work as you always have done. If anyone asks, just tell them that you raised concerns about the project but you didn't point the finger at any specific person. Stick to that line and he will probably run out of steam eventually or get moved on by the managers who know what really happened. If he won't leave you alone, you give him one very clear warning - "Stop hassling me about this - what you're saying isn't true and if you keep telling people these lies about me I will have no alternative but to raise a grievance with HR", and then go ahead and do it if he carries on. Keep a record of everything that he says and does around this from now on so that you can refer to it if necessary.

MsMcGonagall · 29/01/2023 17:02

Well you did raise concerns. So it's just a difference of language between that and "reported".

Really though the point is that if X hadn't been in breach of policy, then there would be nothing to discipline him about.

You should ask anyone who complains to you again about this, "does it really matter who noticed X doing this?"

WhoWants2Know · 29/01/2023 17:03

That makes sense. I know it seems really trivial, but I'm gutted. I was trying to do the right thing and now someone I got on well with apparently hates me because of it

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trampoline123 · 29/01/2023 17:08

My first thought when I read your post was 'if only more people had spoken up when building grenfell.'

It's never going to be the same relationship again.

WhoWants2Know · 29/01/2023 17:18

The thing is, the whole team has worked on the project over the last couple of months. It wasn't like I was saying "X did this". I said "I can see that several observations have been noted over a time period that would normally trigger some closer observations or interventions. But nothing has been escalated. If someone were to get hurt, we could all end up on the news"

X wasn't the only person who was asked to come in and talk about it. But his reaction is like I said he committed high treason.

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WhoWants2Know · 29/01/2023 17:22

trampoline123 · 29/01/2023 17:08

My first thought when I read your post was 'if only more people had spoken up when building grenfell.'

It's never going to be the same relationship again.

That's exactly it. I pointed it out because my priority is making sure no one gets hurt.

I'm not actually sure whether anyone breached any policies or not. Just that there were signs any one of us should have picked up on and didn't.

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LordEmsworth · 29/01/2023 18:19

It sounds like you've done exactly the right thing... and someone else is bullying you as a result.

If X breached policy deliberately, then he should be disciplined. If he breached it through negligence, he should be trained. If he didn't breach policy then there's not a problem. None of that is on you. He is making it uncomfortable; had you done anything else then you'd have made yourself uncomfortable.

It won't be the same in all workplaces, but in mine - HR would definitely, definitely care, and he would be an idiot to carry on his little strop.

LeapingCat · 29/01/2023 19:11

I find it’s best to confront this stuff head on. I’d actually email your team and say you’re aware your colleague has been saying you’ve done this and it is not true. Cc your manager and say anyone who wants confirmation that it isn’t true can check with them. If you want to be vaguely conciliatory word the email as ‘colleague must have misunderstood’.

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