I think the most important thing you can do is deeply evaluate what you want from a reconciliation. Personally, I think reconciliation is one of the most transformative processes in our living. It is a healing on a soul deep level. But it’s heavy and hard work. You, of all people, likely know this and I’m likely preaching to the converted.
I think, in my extremely humble opinion, you might want to put the need for family support on the back burner. It probably needs to be solely about healing a rift (for lack of a better word/ it’s bigger than this) between you and your abuser, a person who stole your trust and faith in everyone you would ever encounter and crucially, the instigator of a lifelong war within yourself (thus destroying your invaluable sense of self worth at such a young age. I hope you’ve regained this sense of self worth, sincerely and with all my heart.).
Forgiveness is freeing. It unchains you (or at least loosens the chains) from the prison of your trauma.
You won’t know what kind of work he’s done on himself, if any. You don’t know what you will meet at the crossroads of your forgiveness. If you are strong enough to forgive, then you are strong enough for what might end up being a painful and disappointing outcome. Wounds might tear open again. Be prepared. I hope that the outcome will be lasting peace, deep healing, and the opportunity to repair lost trust.
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
I was also married to an abuser who is now in prison for his offences. So I know what it’s like to be on the ‘Fuck you, I’ll never forgive’ side of the fence and the other side, the brighter side, where you are free from that trauma and you remember what it feels like to be a loving, whole person than solely a wounded victim carrying around the deadweight of shame. Usually, I’m standing on both sides of that fence at once.
How long have you been sitting with this wish to reconnect and reconcile, OP?
💐 and love to you.