To move out part of the week for a great job?

[NorthernSowls]

I work in the public sector and a rare job has come up in an area of the country that I love, it's about an hour and a half drive from our family home, but we could see ourselves moving here after children are through uni/college or when youngest starts secondary.

The job itself sounds good, pay is slightly more than what I am on now. Housing is cheaper there and we could possibly buy a small place near the new job. Initially would probably do an airbnb or hotel near the office. It's a nice area for holidays and breaks that has good accommodation options.

DH has a job in the home area that he wouldn't leave or be able to find elsewhere very easily, so he would stay in the family home with the children for the foreseeable. We have a 7 y/o DS and I have a 15 y/o DD. My thinking is I would be back on weekends and away for three nights per week, hopefully working from home part of the week. DH has been in my DDs life since she was 6 so they know each other well. Grandparents live nearby for extra help.

When I read the first part of your post I thought of course you should go for it but then I saw you have a 15 year old and your DH isn’t her Dad.
He might be a great Stepdad and I am certainly NOT suggesting anything untoward but 15 year old girls can be tricky and I couldn’t have left mine at that age. DH (her Dad) is great with her but he really couldn’t understand her. He kept getting frustrated and saying “why is she doing x?” Or “why doesn’t she just do y?”
You know your family dynamics better than I do but I couldn’t have done it

My DH works away Sunday night/early Monday morning - Thursday evening. so away 3/4 nights every week.

it’s hard. It’s hard for me, it’s hard for the kids. It’s hard on our marriage.

tbh OP, if you have a choice, I’d say don’t do it. But if you really want to, be prepared for your family finding it tough. And you have to absolutely trust your spouse, and they have to trust you.

Youd be choosing your job over seeing your spouse and kids every day. And they then have to deal with that- it can feel like a rejection.

some people make it work really well and enjoy the time apart.

No I wouldn't. From your op, the only pull seems to be that it's in a nice area. A place can be nice to visit but not as good to live in.

I wouldn't leave my kids for the majority of the week just for that.

Generally I'm of the opinion that if a man wouldn't question the career opportunity then why should a woman, however:

1. This will leave you worse off financially and in terms of work life balance. It's a small payrise and way more costs in petrol, hotel, meals out etc, and fewer days to spend time with your family or just get life admin done.
2. Your DH isn't your eldest's dad and he would be responsible for her 4 or 5 days of the week. Teenage girls are hard enough for parents to handle! I'm assuming DD's dad isn't in the picture and wouldn't be having her midweek, or would he be seeing her every other weekend so you'll suddenly go from primary parent to seeing her a few days a month?
3. If you do want to move in the future, there's nothing to stop you looking for jobs in the future or retiring there, it's not this job or nothing.

I'm a forces child so I'm not horrified by the thought of a parent not being home every night, but in your specific situation I see way more drawbacks than benefits

I’m a bit confused- an hour and a half is easily commutable. My old job was over 1.5 hours away, and current job is 1 hour.

Just take the job and drive to it. Your DH will still be doing school runs and morning/ evening routine, but you’ll still be there for your 15 yo.

Surely this is going to cost you a fortune whether you commute daily or pay for somewhere to stay 3 nights a week?

It doesn't sound like a go-er to me.

I couldn't leave my DS for that long, but that might just be me.

The nature of the job means I cover a particular area and the travel within that may be an arduous hour or more. It’s a fairly large rural area. Could drive some days though I just thought with traffic it would be longer at rush hour. Thanks though this could also work.

*An not arduous!