Anyone else permanently terrified they're going to get sacked?

[SixBucksAndMyRightNut]

Name changed for this, but started a new job around two months ago. Amazing job, love it, very happy, great salary. I can do the job, it's not that I'm worried about, it's just I'm constantly terrified I'm going to lose my job. My immediate line manager is very analytical, very technically focused and oversees things operationally. I work in comms & marketing. I'm also remote which I think has impacted our working relationship because it would be much easier to thrash some of these things out face to face where I could understand him better (he's also German so there's a slight language barrier). But the upshot is that I'm spending my life in a heightened state of anxiety. Constantly second guessing myself, trying to work out how to be better. Objectively I think I'm doing ok, and will ask for feedback at the end of my 90 days, but I just wondered whether this feeling was normal or natural?!

Is this the first time that you’re felt like this at work? How was the anxiety in your previous role? I ask because I feel like this at work too… but it’s been with me across different jobs so it’s more me thing than a job thing (if that makes sense).

My last job was very low stress but low expectations. Which I hated because I like to feel I'm doing something which is needed and recognised. I only stayed there a year. And I definitely felt a little of this in my job before that one. I thrive on stress and therefore I wonder how much of this I'm bringing on myself because the stress keeps me sharp. But the anxiety and not being able to sleep is tipping me over from good stress to really unmanageable!

Was going to ask the same as @MrsTopaz because I’ve felt this a lot but it’s definitely been a me thing, though sometimes exacerbated by different managers.

Is there a difference between what you know (facts, feedback from your manager/colleagues) and what you feel? Just wonder because I used to have a big disconnect e.g. I could have just got a good pay rise and end of year feedback, but still feel on edge and having catastrophising sleepless nights.

Thriving on stress can be a trauma response (could be a hangover from “little t trauma” e.g. relational trauma/emotional neglect/abuse in childhood) - exploratory questions here: www.instagram.com/p/CnFDZT5O6On/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

I definitely think this relationship with my manager is what's tipping it over the edge. We're working on reporting and metrics for a presentation to the Exec team. I've done what I think we should show, he has changed it. Which is within his rights but it's concerned me because I feel I should be on top of it. But the rational side of me knows that he has clear ideas about what he wants the Execs to see and I need to allow him to set these, then I can just use them going forward. It just feels like I need to get this tricky first three months out the way then I'll feel more settled but right now, I can't imagine feeling like that!

Instead of waiting the 90 days for feedback check in as you're going. Set up a weekly/ fortnightly meeting to go over what you're working on and touch base on whether there is anything more he wants from you or expects you to be doing.

@k1233 - that's a good point. We have weekly meetings and I always prepare an agenda and have clear outcomes we need to agree, but I probably don't ask him if there's anything missing or anything else I should be doing.

So it could be a bit about him - maybe he has more experience of what the execs want to know, or maybe he’s a perfectionist?

But also you could let up on yourself a little bit! :) you’ve been in the job for such a short time, you shouldn’t automatically know everything. Execs can be tricky personalities too - different people want things done in different ways and different people will ask different questions - could it be that your manager just has more experience in how they like things? It’s nothing wrong with you.

@Littlemountainhum - that trauma response stuff is so ridiculously spot on! My concern is I am manufacturing this drama and feeling of going to lose my job so that I can thrive in the chaos. I was considering looking for some professional coaching but am wondering whether I need therapy now!!

Absolutely! Rational me is saying "this role has been gapped for so long, he knows what's been missing and what the execs will respond to. He leads this team, he wants to put us in the best possible light". Irrational me is going "he thinks you're shit, you should know this, you should be better, why aren't you better, everyone is better than you. You need to work til midnight tonight to impress everyone"

It’s really REALLY common! Don’t get scared by it. Once you become awake to it it can be scary, but awareness will help you. Therapy can be very, very helpful with this - that’s what helped me. See it as an investment in your future.

Agree with a pp that a weekly how am I doing catch up is needed - makes you look proactive and keen to learn from feedback, both positive and negative, also it'll show you're committing to the role and help build relationships with your new mgr. At the end of the 90 days it shouldn't come as a surprise or be anything you don't know about.

Irrational me is going "he thinks you're shit, you should know this, you should be better, why aren't you better, everyone is better than you. You need to work til midnight tonight to impress everyone"

ahh yes, that lovely little gift called ‘inner critic’!

Yes, it's a hangover from having previously worked in an extremely toxic environment. I work in a lovely team now but the post is more senior than I've ever worked before. I'm not out of my depth but the hangover from my previous place makes me feel like I am.

I've found asking colleagues for support helps and asking for regular catch ups when undertaking new work has helped. We all pull together as a team and others come to me in the same way too which is nice.

Yes! This role is more senior than I've worked before and I've almost doubled my salary in two years so maybe it's a bit of imposter syndrome too.

Don't underestimate cultural and personality differences, he might be giving out far less signals of approval but that doesn't mean he doesn't rate you. Look at the actual evidence not the stuff your head is manufacturing to fill the gap. Anyway, is this level of worry going to help you do your best work? Or is getting enough balance, downtime and focused work time?

I do feel like this. Also I was sacked once so now when I try to reassure myself I have to acknowledge that it could happen.

My wish for you is that you prioritise things that will lower your stress levels in general: exercise, being outdoors, yoga, time with friends. No alcohol.

I basically got sacked because I was so stressed at work I started getting overly emotional...it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I wish I'd taken better care of myself because then I'd have been better able to handle situations without losing my perspective.

I don’t think I’m going to be sacked but I do feel undermined, undervalued and disrespected at work. So although they’re happy for me to stay and probably won’t sack me, they are only giving me bitch work to do and are ignoring my wellbeing/development. It’s almost like being forced out.