Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To change DD name?

31 replies

User0312 · 28/01/2023 20:29

My DD is 10 weeks old and the whole way through pregnancy we referred to her as a particular name (it had been chosen since finding out sex at 16 weeks) however I had a sudden change of heart towards the end of pregnancy and we couldn't decide what to name her.
We had 2 other names which we liked and it felt like a major rush towards the end of pregnancy (ELCS got brought forwarded by 3 weeks cutting our decision time down by a chunk) that when the day came when she was born we chose one of the other 2 names.

Ever since she was born it hasn't felt right, it's felt unnatural to say and I dread when someone asks what she's called because I don't feel any pride in the name. It is a lovely and pretty looking name but I don't feel it's right for me or my baby.

However, we mentioned it to close family about being unsure and everyone is so quick to say 'oh no! You can't change it is a beautiful name!' Or 'nah keep it don't bother changing it' which really feels as though we'd have no support or approval if we did go ahead and change it back to her original name. I fear they'd always bring it up or use it against us.
We also got some personalised sentimental gifts for Christmas (think hand/foot prints with names) so I do worry about her asking about it when she's older or her saying she wished we would've stuck to her registered name. The registered name has a particular spelling she'll likely have to clarify where as the 'original' name is only spelt one way and is nice and easy to say/spell.

AIBU to still change it despite everyone's disappointment and disapproval?

OP posts:
Original poster
User0312 · 28/01/2023 20:31

Should add that along with people saying her registered name is beautiful they make it clear they prefer this name over the one we would change it to which is a bit crap to hear.

OP posts:
Findyourneutralspace · 28/01/2023 20:31

Can you add in your preferred name as a middle name and use that? Lots of people in my area use their middle name, mostly the older generation. I think it’s because they baptised their babies a lot earlier.

Pumpkintopf · 28/01/2023 20:33

We changed our daughters name. A little earlier than you and before we'd registered the birth so relatively easy to do - some of her birth cards do have her 'old' name (which we swapped to be her middle name) but we just told her the story that her mother found she couldn't say her name properly 😂

Can't imagine her as anything else now.

Rowen32 · 28/01/2023 20:41

Why would you be afraid changing it would be used against you? That sounds like such a toxic set up to be in.
Change it if you want to change it, she's your baby, who cares about anyone else

Original poster
User0312 · 28/01/2023 20:42

@Findyourneutralspace it definitely wouldn't flow very well IMO and her chosen middle name has a very strong meaning to us so wouldn't want to change it Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
User0312 · 28/01/2023 20:44

@Rowen32 I know I shouldn't let other peoples opinions be the deciding factor although I can't help but worry about how every single person who is aware of the potential change has said 'no way! I prefer her current name'.
But it almost felt like giving her her real name back when discussing it with DH.

OP posts:
theblackradiator · 28/01/2023 20:44

if both you and your partner are unhappy with the name then change it. she's your baby nobody else's so don't keep the old name to please other people. maybe keep the original name as a middle name. can personalised items such as the handprint be changed? my son had a hand cast with his name and age on a little metal plaque underneath which I suppose could easily be changed if you contact the place that made it for you or you may even be able to get one engraved at timpsons and do it yourself.
if you are genuinely really both unhappy with her name change it now and don't leave it too long.

LaLuz7 · 28/01/2023 20:44

Are both names common, recognizable names?

bizzey · 28/01/2023 20:47

Add it in as a 2nd middle name ?
Lots of people have 2 middle names .

Original poster
User0312 · 28/01/2023 20:47

@theblackradiator the personalised items are pottery which have been fired in a kiln, I don't think they can be changed 
@LaLuz7 they are both 'normal' names per-say but the one we registered has a more uncommon spelling she'd have to always clarify as it's not how you'd automatically spell it.

OP posts:
Original poster
User0312 · 28/01/2023 20:47

bizzey · 28/01/2023 20:47

Add it in as a 2nd middle name ?
Lots of people have 2 middle names .

That's not a bad idea!

OP posts:
Ireallywantsomechips · 28/01/2023 20:49

Change it! My DD doesn’t suit her name, I didn’t pick what I really wanted because I was worried what people might think and regret not using the original which would have suited her perfectly 😒

PixellatedPixie · 28/01/2023 20:51

Change it if you feel the other name suits her more. You will use the name more than anybody and it’s your choice. You know you need to change it or you wouldn’t be asking people on here about it.

Reindear · 28/01/2023 20:51

I have 2 middle names and hate it- I wouldn’t recommend 2 middle names. I would change if it doesn’t feel right- everyone else will get over it but will you if you never change it?

Coldilox · 28/01/2023 20:51

One of our NCT group changed their daughters name after about 9 months. Not sure if they had resistance from their families, but they are happy they changed it, and now she’s 8 the name completely suits her

LaLuz7 · 28/01/2023 20:51

Then I say change it. If it's still bothering you after 10 week then it must mean something.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/01/2023 20:52

2 middle names is fine. My mum is known by her middle name and finds it annoying. I’d add the name as a first name.

Spellcheck · 28/01/2023 20:53

My brother and his wife did this with their son at 12 weeks! It took the rest of us aaages to get used to his new name (and we all prefer the old one) but it honestly doesn’t matter what we think - they love it, he’s 4 now and it just doesn’t matter. We all love him just the same, and they’re a very happy family 🥰. Do what’s right for you.

bizzey · 28/01/2023 20:53

I have 2 middle names and the only time it is used is on passport renewal.

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 28/01/2023 21:03

I named my daughter a name that we agonised over. We loved it.

At 18.5 she came out as trans and he created his own name.

nothing is permanent.

tbf his chosen name was second only in the running if DC3 was a boy. She wasn’t, but I’m also aware that this isn’t gaurenteed.

Names used to be chosen by parents as a once in a lifetime thing (I hate my incredibly 1970s name). Now that’s no longer the case.

dd2 and dd3 are currently happy with their names but I can esp see DD3 changing her name to something gender neutral

Knickerbockerglories · 28/01/2023 21:08

We were mid Covid when we named our baby so we didn’t need to register until she was quite old… we called her nicknames and baby until the last minute… so do what you think is right, I cried outside the registry office … but now I’m happy I stuck with my guns… do what you think is right…. X

Eastereggsboxedupready · 28/01/2023 21:11

It will make a great story for your dc op don't worry! Scan told us a dd and we chose a name. Ds arrived instead! We wind him up sometimes about when he was a dd and use the name! All in good fun and he sees it as that!

mallardducks · 28/01/2023 21:15

Yes I have 2 middle names, and so does hubby and so do both our kids

Purplestripe · 28/01/2023 21:22

If you don’t like her current first name can you use the meaningful middle name she already has? (Ie keep the birth certificate as it is now but call her by the middle name day to day?) Or are you absolutely set on new name?

Sendhelp2021 · 28/01/2023 21:28

Like others have said, it’s your choice. Don’t let anyone opinions stop you from changing it. She won’t hate you for it and neither will anyone else. My 2DC’s have unusual names (ds’s is more common now) and when we told family and friends what we were calling them not everyone liked them but we still went with them and I’m glad we did.

Swipe left for the next trending thread