Fiancé stag do dilemma!

[OliviaRose44]

Hi all


I am getting married in December and my fiancés friends are starting to plan his stag weekend for this summer.

It will likely be a weekend away somewhere with all of his friends plus his “brother in laws” on his side (sisters partners). He hasn’t mentioned inviting my brother which I half expected.


By background, they get along but aren’t close at all and rarely see eachother as we live in different cities. My brother is pretty anxious and shy and also struggles with his confidence and usually has to have a good drink to come out of his shell. Therefore I don’t know if he would want to go anyway, especially as he wouldn’t know anyone but I also don’t want his feelings hurt as the other brother in laws are invited. I’m torn as I know my fiancé may feel like he has to look after him all weekend and as I said they aren’t close.

Also, to add that my fiancé will also probably do a “home” stag with friends plus family such as his stepdad, and my dad, so my brother would of course be invited to this one (and more likely to go as he will have my dad there).

I am inviting fiancé sister and brother (gay) as we are quite close and I see them often and they are part of my bridal party.

I guess I just keep comparing and of course love and care about my brother and don’t want him hurt. I haven’t mentioned any of the above to my fiancé yet as I don’t want to put him in an awkward position or make him feel guilty - and as I said he would be invited to the “home” stag night with dads.

Should I ask my brother first if he would even want to go to the weekend away before mentioning it to fiancé?


Thanks

Do you have 2 brothers? can the one you’re inviting to the hen also go on the stag primarily to look after the other brother. If I’ve got it wrong is there someone else he could go with, a close family friend for instance. Personally I’d ask your fiancé first and provide solutions not problems.

Don’t ask your brother if he wants to go to a stag he hasn’t been invited to. If he says yes, and your fiancé wasn’t going to invite him, it can only end badly. Either he gets upset he’s still not not invited, or your fiancé feels guilted in to inviting him and then doesn’t enjoy his own stag because he’s babysitting you brother.

If he’s going to get an invite to the “home” stag leave it at that. It’s really your fiancés decision who he invites to his own stag. Don’t get involved.

No just the one. Sorry if I wasn’t clear, the man coming on my hen is my fiancés brother who is gay x

OP have you posted the same thread twice 😂

Stay out of it. It's not your event.

Stay out of it. This is not your problem to solve.

You do not invite people to someone else’s party.

This one of the last things he does as a single man, butt out and let him organise it how he wants.

It’s your fiancé’s stag do, not yours!
invite your brother to your hen do if you’re that bothered. But it’s not your stag do.

I didn’t invite my MIL but did invite my mum to my hen. I find my MIL quite hard work and thought I’d have a better time without her. DH invited my dad to his stag as they get on well. I could justify it saying my hen was much smaller than his stag, but that’s why the decisions were made the way they were. If your dad isn’t invited and you don’t have any other brothers or sisters invited then I don’t think your DH has any obligation to invite your brother. Who you are inviting to your hen has nothing to do with his stag.

Definitely don’t ask your brother. What if he says he wants to go, but your partner doesn’t want him to. It’s his event and he gets to decide the guest list - especially as it seems he’s not excluding one guest from a group.