To not want to speak on the phone?

[ToTheMax0]

Myself and a friend I am pretty close to do not live near each other anymore so miss out on our weekly chats. About an hour away in distance now so not far. However, she keeps wanting to chat on the phone and I really do not want to. I just hate the phone! Every part of it. The being stuck on the line for ages, feeling rude for cutting the call short, the way I sound (been told I sound strange several times), the awkward pauses and silences that can arise and yet I don't want to lose contact. Aibu to ask if I am just being stupid?!

Nope, I am the same. I hate being on the phone. I would prefer to either met up for a chat or happy to message. I think a lot of is because my friends tend to ring on speaker when driving or doing other household tasks so I struggle with here them along with the background noise or the signal breaking up. If I do ring people I will call them from a quiet room. Don't get me on about the people who phone you from the loo!

Perhaps you could whattsap?

I hate the phone too now. Used to be ok with it when I was young but now I loathe it. It’s something which eats time I don’t have.

No I agree. Maybe meet in the middle and send voicenotes? I way prefer those

I don't even like voice notes!
She's lovely but talks a LOT. Just would rather we meet in person or just text but don't want to upset her.

If she talks a lot I’m sure there wouldn’t be long pauses and awkward silences. You’re probably just overthinking it (which I do too) and I’m sure it would be fine and you’d have a lot to catch up on / talk about x

I hat epinephrine and video calls. Just text for christ sake 🤦‍♀️

Texting is not a conversation, despite what people seem to think.

Can't stand phone calls. I will call a few people who prefer it but they always give me a headache.

OH my god - you can not maintain a friendship through text. Do you like talking to this person? Then talking on the phone is no different- it's just talking. Stop over thinking it.

Disclaimer: I may have an issue with junior staff members who are unable to pick up the phone and resolve an issue, but would rather it drag out over several days via email - so I may be irrationally annoyed by people who can't talk on the phone.

It's not that straightforward I'm afraid.
If friend feels the same as you then I guess the friendship can't continue. 😞

With some compromise you can maintain the friendship.

Schedule the odd phone call. It’s fine to end the call politely when you want to- have a couple of excuses ready!

Be honest with her that you don’t like long phone calls and why. If you’re happy to travel and meet up then tell her and arrange something occasionally.

you can also stay in touch via messaging.

No idea why you’re hung up on sounding strange on the phone. Who is telling you this? It sounds as though you’re unnecessarily anxious about your voice ☹️

ive

You’d drop a friendship over reluctance to speak on the phone?! Why??

I speak to my best friends several times a week. Friends who don’t answer calls and don’t like speaking on the phone have drifted if we’re not geographically close.

I actually feel quite sad about one friend in particular who I never speak to on the phone any more. We message and meet up when we can but we’ve lost a lot of closeness now we don’t chat on the phone every so often.

I will happily travel to see her.
I've always been told I have a strange or unusual voice and there is no reason why I should have one so it's really embarrassing. On the phone, it's just the voice and most of the comments I have had when young have been when speaking on the phone to someone.
I guess I'm really self conscious about it.

You have my sincere sympathies and I wish I had some advice.
I have a friend who lives hundreds of miles away. She rings me - or I ring her because I know if she rings me it will be at an inconvenient time - every day and talks AT me for up to an hour. Sometimes she will exclaim that the free hour she gets with her phone package is up and that she's going to ring me back and cuts off before I can protest. She rings back straight away and that will be another 20-30 min.
She doesn't work, rarely goes out and has very little to occupy her.
It's becoming a real problem for me though. My job involves being on the phone a lot and I'm all talked out.
Sometimes I look through my emails while she's banging on, making the occasional vague comment but not really listening.

I don’t know why people have mocked your voice on the phone when you were younger- how cruel! I can understand why that might stay with you and make you insecure.

Everyone’s voice sounds a bit different on the phone, it’s really not an issue.

Could you tell your friend you have some anxiety with phone calls/ the sound of your voice? Perhaps make a bit of a joke of it? Get it out in the open?

im sure she’d understand and realise your reluctance to chat on the phone isn’t personal x

Thank you @SmileyClare . I think I am going to have to try and explain as embarrassing and childish as it sounds.

Ah don’t be embarrassed! Everyone has their quirks.

You could try writing a few things down that you’d like to tell or ask her before speaking on the phone if that would help?

There’s nothing wrong with being a good listener and not contributing much on the phone and don’t feel you have to stay on the line long. It’s not rude to end the call politely.

don’t beat yourself up 😊

If you hate talking on the phone put some stupid meme on a social media site (if you are both on one) about if you ring me don't expect an answer....
My friend did that.... I got the hint.