I feel like the worst person in the world and really duplicitous to both the guy I am seeing and my ex.
I was in a relationship with my ex a long time ago, just under a year we were together. It was the best relationship of my life, probably my first ever “true love”, she was so respectful and was just a joy to be with after a string of shite and abusive relationships with other people. She had his own issues and we split up due to distance (I was in Scotland, she was in England) and because she had a bad spell of mental health.
we kept in touch on and off for a few years during the lockdowns/pandemic. We used to video call each other and just talk about how we were feeling, we talked about our memories from the relationship. It was just a nice thing during lockdown.
Anyway, last summer I started seeing a guy. It caused a little bit of tension with my ex because she kept asking me to stay the night at hers after we spent the day together but I kept saying I was busy with work etc. In my mind, staying at hers would be a really bad idea, the other times I have stayed there we’ve ended up sleeping together. I felt like that wasn’t fair on her or the guy I was seeing. She disappeared for a bit and then reappeared at Christmas. She got really drunk and told me she’d not moved on or been with anyone since me. I asked her to call me back in the morning thinking she was just drunk. She said the same things again.
I absolutely adored her, but she broke my heart. I feel like shite for “leading her on” (I’ve never given her any reason to think I wanted to be anymore than friends) and shite on the guy I’m seeing because I’m thinking about her so much. I still don’t know what she wants, but I don’t even know what I want… I don’t really know what I’m asking just some advice would be good, my mind is so overwhelmed with everything