To say no to meeting up with friend tomorrow

8 replies

colouringpencil · 27/01/2023 23:18

A friend has asked me if I’d like to catch up tomorrow. We are close friends but we’ve both been busy lately so it’s not as easy to find times that suit us both to see each other.

I am free tomorrow but I’m feeling a bit anxious about the idea of meeting up with her. My mental health isn’t the best at the minute and I’m counting down to my next counselling appointment early next week. I love spending time with her but part of me doesn’t want to see her this time, well not her specifically but any friends socially. I don’t feel like I have the energy for it.
Also she can’t drive (she lives 25 mins’ drive away) so as usual I’d have to travel to see her at her house/pick her up if we wanted to go somewhere else. I kind of resent having to be the one to make the effort, although I do recognise that she’s made the effort to reach out and ask if I’d like to meet up.

WIBU to say no this time? On the one hand I know it’s not good to isolate myself (depression makes you want to do that!) but I also need to get better at looking after myself and I’m not sure I’m feeling up to it this time. But I don’t know when will suit us both to meet up in the future ☹️

OP posts:

IDontCareMatthew · 27/01/2023 23:19

You don't want to go then you don't go, surely!

Danikm151 · 27/01/2023 23:21

She can get the bus or a taxi. Be honest

PennyToffee · 27/01/2023 23:22

I think you should find a way to meet up with a close friend.

Geilenk · 27/01/2023 23:25

Don't meet. Rest well. Explain to her in the same way as you have just explained to us on Mumsnet... and if she's a good friend she'll understand. Look after yourself.

QueSyrahSyrah · 27/01/2023 23:26

Honestly OP, I think you should try and do it.

90% of the time (in my experience) these things seem worse beforehand than they do at the time.

Pop some nice music or a good podcast on in the car, drive to hers, have a coffee or two and a catch up, back home with something nice to listen to, done. You've got over the hurdle and made next time easier rather than harder.

RewildingAmbridge · 27/01/2023 23:27

Could you say I can only stay for an hour because I've got someone coming to look at the boiler (other excuses available), then if you find your having a better time than expected you could 'get a message' saying the engineer has cancelled. I've been in your shoes and if she's a close friend I'd try, the more you hole up at home the harder it gets to go out

itswednesdayy · 27/01/2023 23:27

Invite her to yours next time?

I had a friend that always insisted I went to hers - it does start to grate on you. She also lived about 25 mins away, but to drive to hers I’d literally drive through the bars/restaurants we were due to visit afterwards as she lived on the opposite side to me.

eventually she moved to London but still insists I always travel to her, she won’t even meet me at my train station! The friendship has just fizzled out

fizzydrinkss · 27/01/2023 23:29

I've been the same recently, don't want to meet anyone, happy living in my own little bubble. My dh knows me inside out & suggested I went and met with friend, even for half an hour, I did and it made me feel so much better!

But I am like you, I feel I am always the one going to visit people etc, people ask me occasionally to meet up, but it's always me suggesting, it's so draining.

I enjoyed meeting friend but again I'm back to being happy just living life with my family, tending to jobs in the house etc.

Don't force yourself if it's making you ill but why not say to yourself, I will go for half an hour and see how I feel, if you feel just as bad, make excuses (or tell your friend the truth) and leave. But you might enjoy it.

Stay strong, I know how hard it is to feel like this x

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