To think that it isn't a break unless you can fully relax

[indywindy]

My mum has DD1 overnight tonight, so I can get a bit of rest.

DH is currently rocking DD2 (4 months) to sleep upstairs but he's been at it for 20 mins now. She isn't crying, she just won't let him sit down even in the rocking chair.

The fact that she isn't fully settled, means that my mind hasn't switched off. I keep thinking I may have to get up and take over which means I can't fully relax. Also, I feel incredibly guilty that DH has been at it for that long (idk why, I've done it plenty of times). I'd boob her to sleep, but she wasn't having it when I tried.

AIBU to think that this isn't really a break?

I'd probably go in and take over as you can't relax anyway. Sorry I know that's not helpful. Been there though and remember how hard it was at the time.

And yes it's not a break until they are asleep and not needing you but that very rarely happens!

Yanbu. I'd be the same. I do think you should let them deal with this one together as she's not crying and he is her parent too but I completely get what you're saying. It's not a break if your mind cannot relax.

If that was me I'd go and take over. My partner can put our son down for naps. But can't at bed time. Has to be me. X

It's the reality with small children. You need to rest / relax when you can.

You can never fully relax ever again when you become a parent. You just have to take what you can

I agree, it's not a break.

It would save me stress and anxiety in the long run to go in and help get the child to sleep. All of mine always want me when they wake up. It's strange though as my youngest will only allow DH to be involved in naps. I'm happy to do it at night in the interest of saving time and get more sleep.

Definitely a break in my book! You don't have responsibility for either child, make the most of it!

Has someone accused you of having a break?

Who said it was a break?

Why take over? She wouldn't settle on the breast, she won't settle for him. No point taking over.

My mum offered to take DD1 so I can have a 'break'. She doesn't know the current situation with DD2, but I was just thinking it really isn't a break.

This. Mine are all technically adults now but you never fully relax. Let her have what she wants, then you can relax with only one to worry about.

She settled eventually. I can't tell if he's just holding her or has managed to put her down.

Normally we cosleep. She falls asleep with me downstairs and then I take her up when I go to bed.

You're all right. You never get to truly relax as a parent, especially mothers! I have to take what I can.

Is it just me that gets so worked up when babies cry? Like if my 4 month old whines, I'm so quick to try and get her to stop. Whereas my husband doesn't seem at all bothered unless she properly starts crying. And then I get so annoyed that it isn't bothering him or doing anything about it.

I'm glad your dc has settled. Hope you sleep, too.

Listen, of course you can relax as a parent. It takes practice and trust.

You need to trust that dh has this, that he can parent just as well as you. You are not the cavalry. If he needs something, he'll ask.

You also need noise cancelling headphones and a white noise track on Spotify. In a case like tonight, tell dh you will be putting on the headphones and.trying to rest. So if he needs you, he will need to come get you.

If you had been trying to settle the baby, would you have expected dh to arrive unbidden to take over?

You need to trust DH to do it his way.
It's not surprising your DD takes longer to settle with him if she's used to falling asleep on you on the sofa.
DH has to do it a different way to you so it will take her a while to get used to it.