Back to work after maternity

[Allthechocolates]

Long time lurker but new to posting so hope this is in the right place!

Back to work soon (4 weeks!) after a blissful period of maternity leave and desperately don't want to go back or leave my baby. Financially I've no other option but gosh, the thought of it makes me feel so sad and can't imagine ever feeling ok about it.

Anyone able to share any wisdom and some practical tips for how to make the most of the time we've got left but also anything that might make work a bit easier? Practical, emotional, anything! Feeling a bit overwhelmed and panicking about wasting our last few weeks

I think changing your perspective could help. The end of something good is always doom and gloom. I decided to view it as a new chapter and reminded myself that I'm still going to have evenings, mornings, the nights, weekends, days off and holidays with DD. I have to say it's quite nice being back at work - it's much less stressful and hard-work than looking after a toddler!

You will be ok. I felt distraught at the thought of leaving my baby, especially when you’ve been with them constantly for so long. It gets easier.

Echoing a PP about re-framing it. The juggling act of work and parenting is what a lot of families do so there will be support and empathy for you. If you are enjoying some baby groups and the company of other mums on your mat leave it’s worth remembering they will have to go back to work most likely too so things might not stay the same. When your child is settled in nursery and get towards starting school the transition doesn’t fee anywhere near as daunting.

Thanks for the replies! Hadn't thought about thinking about it all differently but you may have a point. It would probably put a more positive spin on things because right now all I feel is doom and gloom at leaving my little baby who hasn't left my side until now.

Any practical tips for getting out the door, meals,keeping the house ticking over etc? Feels like it's a full time job itself and now wonder how ok earth I'll manage it all when I will be at work most of the time.

Also, has anyone continued to express milk when back at work? I've exclusively expressed and now baby is just over a year have cut down to much,much less but still would need to do one session in the afternoon. Would you judge someone for doing that for a baby who technically could have cows milk? Appreciate it's my right to do it but equally don't want to turn up and immediately look like I'm slacking and taking liberties!

I’ve been back two weeks. I felt really sad too as mat leave drew to a close but honestly, it’s been fine. In some ways quite nice to get dressed in my work wardrobe, drink hot tea and be around other adults all day. It helps that my husband is now on spl so we haven’t had to do nursery settles yet but I feel like we’re finding a new rhythm and it’ll all be ok.

Practically, I get everything ready the night before including packing my work bag and setting out an outfit. I’ve decided to combi feed from this point as I struggle to pump enough milk to keep up EBF when I’m out of the house for full days but I’m still taking a pump to work in case needed for comfort. Our first aid rooms are available for pumping and lockable. I don’t think anyone would think pumping = slacking; it’s not like it’s a relaxing break.

Meals - batch cook so you always have leftovers, find quick and simple meals you all love (jacket potatoes / egg or beans on toast type effort levels), if you have time put some stuff in the slow cooker before work sometimes. I’m also a big fan of having a couple of Cook meals in the freezer as a standby.

I’ve now been back 2.5 months. My first 6 weeks were filled with anxiety, the worst anxiety I’ve ever felt but I’m now in a much better place.

Expect it to feel different but you will soon be back into the swing of things! Take it slow, don’t try to do too much too soon and let your boss know how you are feeling about it all. (Hopefully they are sympathetic.)

I have tried to ensure I’ve sorted out all work clothes / items and prepared meal plans in advance each week. I.e I try to do this on a Sunday to make sure mornings and evenings are easier. I have a fridge mounted white board which really helps with meal planning and baby’s routine.

best wishes for your return to work :-)

Top tip for future posts - the "Am I being Unreasonable" board can be quite ...erm...blunt.

As a rule, if you want support or advice, I'd head over to Parenting (or chat, or ANY board other than AIBU) - you've been lucky so far

Also, some great advice already given about reframing it.

So with my first I continued to express at work for a month or so... pain in the ass honestly... embarrassing trying to hide milk in the communal fridge and build into my day. Embarrassing having to use the designated first aid room when people came to bang on the door to use it for first aid type things.

With my second I decided to just not feed in the day. Absolute game changer! I cut down a little in the day the week before but not really. First day they felt a bit bruised and sore from being full but fed as soon as I got in the door.

Within 2-3 days my boobs just didn't get full up during the day. I wish I'd known with my first. I kept up the night/ evening/ morning feed for another six months.

After a year just give them cows milk or water to sip during the day... no need to put yourself through all that.

And to add to the others advice, going to back to work actually felt lovely very quickly. To have those conversations again, proper adult breaks, getting myself tea whenever I wanted that was hot. I even started reading again since I had my commutes.

My kid has a great time without me all day. I'm lucky enough to get pictures and updates I suppose. But she doesn't even have a backwards glance or a cry when I go now.

It will also help when you see what a great time your child is having (hopefully) at childcare. It will give you a boost and help you to relax and enjoy being with adults again. I always get my DD clothes for the week ahead including vests and socks arranged on Sunday. Her bag too. Getting her changed and ready is the most time consuming part of the morning routine. It would help to have your own outfits planned as well.