Lending money from family

[asaf]

Would you/have you done it? In your experience does it ever turn out to be a good idea? I'm not talking a small amount here btw.

That's awful, @Missymarple, I am so sorry. . I've got to say, if they acted like that, I wonder if it was the lending money that was the real problem, or whether perhaps they were always going to show their true colours sooner or later.

I have two sisters. Love them both to bits.

My oldest sister I would not lend money to in the past, mainly because she would complain she was skint but then buy silly things to indulge my nephew, meaning she was constantly borrowing again at the end of the month before payday. She was also really crap at paying back on her own initiative- always had to be chased. I would probably consider lending her money now though as she has more disposable income now.

My middle sister I would happily lend money to. I actually booked our holiday (her part was about 1k) and I'm happy for her to pay me back as and when as I know she will. She hates owing money to people and will make paying it back a priority. She also lent me 4k when I was purchasing a house which I gave back to her after completion from a credit card, so shifted the debt back to me.

My FIL lent us a massive chunk of money to buy a house. He doesn't really care about it being paid back- he basically just says it comes out of whatever inheritance my DH will get so will all wash out in the end. We initially stopped payments when I was pregnant with DD and never resumed them under the premise we would remortgage and just repay him back in full then.

I've never actually had to borrow but did have to ask once which was dreadful. Completion day on a house and exH's share didn't come through in the morning as agreed. DF was going to send me some money but lovely vendor said he didn't need it all to proceed on his purchase so let me move in and pay the next day instead.
I never lend to anyone. If I can afford to I give the money with a 'pay it forward when you're sure you can' mandate.
I know myself well enough that if I lent money with the expectation of repayment I'd be looking at the person and noticing every unnecessary purchase. I don't want to be that person so I'd rather give the money instead.

Wrong thread

Do you really think the OP has gone all through her life up to adulthood waiting for you to point it out, or do you think she might have been told before but simply keeps forgetting?

Maybe you will be that very special person who will finally make her learn 🙄

We have borrowed £20k for house repairs before and paid it back in 3.5 years. We have had an extension done recently and spent most of our cash. We have just borrowed £10k from my parents as our old car has given up and they're lending it to us so we don't have to buy it on credit and will pay it back over the next two years.

We can easily afford to pay them back, and also, they can afford to lend it. Works for us and saves us buying it on finance. We wouldn't ask if we knew it would leave them tight.

*borrowing

When my DC were young adults early twenties and their car insurance was very high I always let them borrow money off of me to pay it all upfront and then repay monthly to save them interest payments. They always repaid the money. I also let my sister borrow money to buy a car when her car had engine blow up and she needed car for work and dropping kids at school. It took a while but she repaid me every penny. When I was younger I borrowed some money from my Dad to buy a car and repaid him some every month. It was all repaid. I think you need to work out repayment schedule and stick to it. It does not always end badly.

In my family it’s fairly common and has never been abused

Posted too soon!
Amounts range from £1000 up to £20000 and are usually car related
When my DC were younger I would pay car insurance, tax, breakdown etc and they would just pay monthly
In the past I’ve borrowed off my parents and we just agree amount, repayments, set up a direct debit or standing order and stick to it

I "loaned" money to a close family member. I was very clear with myself that for all intents and purposes the money was gone. So if they had repaid me it would have been a nice surprise but if they didn't, I wouldn't resent them or find myself in a tight spot. I "loaned" them money I could afford to lose (a fairly large sum, albeit not obscenely so).

That was a few years ago now and I've of course never gotten the money back. I don't begrudge the person, because I knew going in they'd never pay me back, and because they were the only family member to offer me emotional support (that was before I loaned them anything). So I feel like, I got support (emotional) from them when I needed it, and I gave support (financial) when they needed it. All square.

Your situation and relationship to your relative may well be different from mine however. And if it was me needing the money, I'd avoid borrowing anything if at all possible, if absolutely necessary then I'd make sure I can repay them in a timeframe we're both happy with. I'd also want to make everything clear (interest or no interest ? How many instalments ? What to do if something happens that means I can't pay it back as planned, or if something happens to them that means they need it back faster than originally agreed ?)

My bil and wife borrowed a lot of money off us but have made no effort to pay us back. We got them to sign a loan agreement. They fully understood it was a loan and that it needed paying back but they don't. They have had building work done, booked several holidays abroad and have received an inheritance from my bill wife's side of the family. I think they are despicable scum. They are greedy snakes who take advantage of my husbands mild nature,

How can anyone who borrows money off someone and chooses not to pay it back even though they can afford it live with themselves.

I lend money to my sister every so often on a short term basis. The most I’ve ever lent her in one go was around £2,000. She’s always paid it back when she says she will so I’d happily lend to her again if I had the money and she needed it.

If she needed a really large sum of money then that might be different - I wouldn’t lend more than I could afford to lose or an amount that would potentially seriously damage the relationship if she didn’t repay. My DH also doesn’t love lending to her - he accepts that she’s always repaid but thinks she’s irresponsible with money, which isn’t an unreasonable view. As we see all our money as joint I suspect he’s be very reluctant if she asked for a lot or if her repayment plan didn’t make sense.

Generally, I think if family members have always repaid in the past, or it’s the first time they’ve asked, I’d want to help them out and give them the money (assuming I have it, can afford to lose it and they are planning on paying it back in a reasonable time).

Borrowing from or lending to… which are you talking about? Either way I’d say bad idea

Years ago I sold my car to my brother and he paid me back monthly, no issues. I've since borrowed a reasonable amount from my mum instead of getting a loan, and am paying her back monthly!.

Dh loaned his brother a small sum ( hundreds as opposed to thousands)and never got it back. Dh never speaks to him now and has blocked him

We have both been the borrowers and then the lenders. When we were the borrowers we drew up a loan agreement and schedule and insisted on also paying interest. It just made us feel more comfortable with borrowing. We paid it back even before the agreed timeframe.

When we were the borrowers we didn't insist on a loan agreement, schedule or interest but DH brother paid it back in full.

Both pain free experiences.

Borrowed £5k off my dad after I accidentally mentioned I was looking into a loan and he went crackers about paying interest to a bank when he can clearly afford to lend me it. He wouldn’t allow me to pay him interest and was surprised how quick we paid it back. I have lent brothers in the past, middle brother paid back asap - older one never again. I’ve written at least £800 off that I’ll never see again from him.

Same.
I will never ever loan money to family again

It's perfectly usual in my and people who I know to borrow/lend within the family. It was also usual to do the same with friends, neighbours, but small amounts to tide them over.

Money very often causes rows between families and friends.

But i know of my family were in a tight spot i would prefer them to come to us than incur interest anywhere else.

Its tough one, what is your payback proposal ?

The quickest way to lose a family member or friend is to loan them money which they never repay, making you look the bad guy if you ask for it back. Only lend if you have no expectation of repayment!

If you're looking to borrow money from family then you need to be prepared to pay them back or risk damaging your relationship. If you know you can't pay them then be honest and ask for a gift.

No, actually. Completely unclear. But I think you should only lend what you're prepared to lose; and borrow what you're certain you can pay back. Financial loans between family members can cause serious rifts unless the terms are well-defined.